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female
age
36-40,
*ls523
writes: Is it unreasonable to ask my boyfriend to get an STD test before we stop using condoms? We've been together for three years and hes cheated on me before, we split recently for 2 months, and I think he slept with other women although he wouldn't admit it, and now he gets mad that I make him use protection...but he won't get tested...He's lied to me about things big and small, but he makes it seem like im accusing him of being "dirty"? Am i wrong?
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cheated on me, condom, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ols523 +, writes (14 March 2007):
ols523 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell the problem with that is that in the three years we've been together, i get tested (annually since im sexually active even though its with the same partner, as everyone should) and I always ask him to come but he wont...I've asked him to go but he always says he will later etc etc..I know alot of sexually active couples who are in long term relationships& have sex without a condom, so I felt like I was being a bad girlfriend...BUT its my health, and Id rather continue "being a bad girlfriend" then never being able to be someones girlfriend in the worst case scenario.
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (13 March 2007):
its not unreasonable at all, its clever.the problem is, how would you feel if someone said they wouldnt sleep with you without one? pretty dirty most likely, so it is tricky.i suggest you have one together to lessen the potential of him feeling offended
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A
female
reader, funkilla  +, writes (11 March 2007):
Go get tested together. It's a lot easier to not sound accusing when he sees that you're getting it done too. Its a precautionary measure for both of you, not just him.
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A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (11 March 2007):
 Yes, get him to do one. And although you know your own sexual history, you should get one too. That way it will seem less like you're accusing him, and more like you're just being sensible (Which you are). I think even people who have NEVER slept with anyone else should get tests done before having sex without a condom... It's just good practice.
I hope you're still going to be using contraception (The pill?) with this man, because he doesn't sound committed enough to be a father yet.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 I think that you are so sensible to ask him to do this. If more people were as responsible as you it would save alot of heartache. If he refuses this test then you should refuse unprotected sex. You are not being unreasonable and if he cared about you he would understand your worries and get the test.
Stay strong
Aunty t
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (10 March 2007):
 Nope, on the contrary you're very sensible to do this! Asking someone to get an STD test isn't accusing them of being dirty, it's asking them to prove that they're clean which is a totally different thing. Stick to your guns on this one. He might use the "I'm feeling fine, there's nothing wrong with me" excuse but most STD's have no symptoms. If he cared about you he'd have this test done in a shot. Incidentally if the test does come back and show something nasty you'd be as well to be tested too, just on the offchance that he had it before.
CD
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): You're definitely not in the wrong at all. In fact, you are wise...as no one is going to look out for you except yourself. And that seems to be especially true with this guy. If he won't get tested than don't sleep with him...he obviously doesn't care about making you feel happy and secure. Furthermore, condoms will NOT protect against genital herpes, as people often get outbreaks on their inner thighs, buttocks, etc. And there doesn't have to be visible signs of an outbreak to contract herpes....do some research on "Shedding", which the virus will do on the surface of the skin Before any visible signs are there. Anyway, the guys sounds like a loser, who is more intersted in f...ing you than loving you. If you can handle that and still want to be with him, at least be smart about it. This is your life, your fertility, and your future at risk. Don't be conned into thinking you're wrong or overreacting in any way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): Firstly why do you plan to stop using condoms? Do you want to get pregnant and have his baby? If that's the case then i don't think that that is a good idea as he doesn't look like he's worth being the father to your children. He's cheated and you've split recently so why would you plan to have a baby with him? Save marriage and kids for someone who'll love and care for you, not someone who goes around cheating on you and sleeping with other women behind your back. The best of ideas is just to dump him and move on from this relationship. Go and find a guy who is worth having a relationship with and won't cheat on you. After all, you are only young.
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