A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is casual sex empty and meaningless or is that just something prudes say? Is it true that men get more out of casual sex than women do? Like, are men more able to enjoy something purely physical than a woman can? I've had plenty of sex in my life, but it has only been in the context of a committed relationship, and only with one man, my husband. So I'm curious as to others' experience... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 I remember having debated this with some younger classmates at acting school- they must have known, young actors are a very promiscuous bunch :)
The short answer is :yes.
The way one of them put it is : it's like pizza. There is excellent pizza, and there is so-and-so pizza, but hey, it's still pizza, it's warm, it's filling, and nobody really regrets having had one even if it wasn't that special.
Men can orgasm with mostly every half decent woman, and even if they don't like the person or the situation ,the like the physical sensation.
Women's sexual gratification is much more elusive, and quite often it entails trust, feeling relaxed, feeling appreciated, feeling connected etc. etc. Plus, like another poster said, even if the woman is just in search of a quick physical release , probably it won't happen the first time, or first times. It takes a little while to figure out what exactly works for that specific woman,
what "does it " for her, and a man that is already planning to never meet you again is not motivated to make the effort of learning to please you the way you want and need.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): It is tempting, but incorrect, to assign to broad a motivation or satisfaction to men and their sexual enjoyment from casual sex, or anyone's response to casual sex.
Individual psychology, both long term baseline psychological factors as well as acute variations in personal psychological issues, is extraordinarily complex.
Personally, I've had sex that was not in a committed relationship, in all three (count them...three) of my relationships. That sex was not nearly as good as it was in the committed relationships though, more than one reason. Firstly, I didn't know the partner that well and you have to learn the partner's body and responses in order to really do well by them (which is important to me...heck, I can have an orgasm easily). Secondly, the partner didn't know me well either, same issues. All my partners were more experienced than I was.
However, I was not trying to "rack up numbers" or "prove my manhood", or banish the pain of a broken relationship. All but one of my relationships were long term ones, the short one was only a few weeks, the others were years (2 years and over 15 years and counting on the other). My wife has been surprised in our relationship, at the sustained interest in sex, on both ends, as well as the "quality" that we have had as we matured in the relationship, in her experience (much more than mine), she didn't expect this and she has enjoyed sex more and more as we have gotten older, which I might add has made it far more enjoyable to me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 December 2010):
 I don't know if it's that men get more out of it. It's that some need less from it, at least they think they do. Most women seek the whole experience from sex in the context of being in love and being loved. Sex for us is a connection of the soul as well as the body.
As the Realist said - for men who like casual sex, it's all about releasing the buildup of sexual tension, the thrill of an easy chase, and the endorphines it brings. They can dissociate it from deeper connection, but they know that it's what women are seeking, so they use words and touching to convey a sense of love to the woman. Even the kissing for a woman is meant to establish and deepen a bond, which is why a woman feels used and discarded when she takes part in a one night stand, or starts developing feelings in a FWB understanding.
However, men do need a deeper bond. They have feelings just like we do, which is why even a man who has a multitude of casual meaningless sex may feel physically gratified but emotionally miserable and alone. They may have given up because they have intimacy issues and their addiction to casual sex impedes them from truly connecting with a woman. It's a lot like a drug addiction.
They need the casual sex to feel normal, and sometimes they resort to more risky behaviors because the high isn't so high anymore.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (5 December 2010):
 I think that it's true that women get less out of casual sex because there are few men out there who will be able to figure out what the woman likes in just one take. A man just doesn't take a whole lot of figuring out so he'll find the pleasure to be good either way.
It does make a huge difference if you care about the person. I have only ever had sex out of no where with a friend of mine and it was good because we had that history otherwise although I could see casual sex being fun I would really need some sort of deeper connection.
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