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Is it too soon to say "I love you"?

Tagged as: Dating, Love stories, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 September 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 6 September 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, *andomHero1036 writes:

Okay, so recently (about a month)I started dating this girl. She was my first girlfriend I did ANYTHING with, I even lost my virginity to her...Is it too soon to say "I love you" or am I just caught up in post sex lust?

View related questions: lost my virginity

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A male reader, CASA DE FIGUEROA United States +, writes (6 September 2011):

Yeah dude, i think your just caught up in post sex lust and there is nothing wrong with that, thats what being young is all about. But if your serious just wait like a little bit more and figure out if you love her or her vagina?and nice job on doing all this in a month dude.Rock on! Well, good luck and your welcome...let me know what happens..

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (5 September 2011):

If you love someone, there is nothing wrong with telling someone. However, it can be helpful to realise that not everyone is able to receive love as easily as you might want to give it.

I wish the world was more open to giving and recieving love, but unfortunately humans aren't very good at it. People react in very different ways. Some people feel compelled to say "I love you" back even though they dont, others react with fear of being too close to people, and they run away out of fear. It doesn't mean you shouldn't tell people that you love them, but you need to be aware and be ok with the fact that people might not react to your love the way you had hoped. Sometimes, even if they love you too, they can panic and react badly.

Also, feelings of love evolve over time, so there is some wisdom in seeing how your love changes over time. Sometimes you can feel that you fall in love with someone after one night, but after 4 weeks you don't really like them any more. Even though those feelings of love might be really true, you have to wonder what the value of that love is if it is fleeting, so temporary and changeable. If it is the kind of love that doesn't last, do you really want to tell someone straight away.

Maybe let your feelings settle over time, let the heat of the moment pass, and if love is still there in a little while, you will feel that it is really the right thing to say, and the right time. When the time is right, it is a great thing to let someone know, if that remains how you feel.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011):

It depends. By and large, yes a month is too soon.

But for some couples a month is plenty because they knew after five minutes.

Just go with the flow, and say it when you feel that it is the best word to express your feelings. Also, mean it. Make sure you trully mean what you say... even if you don't stay that way for long, mean what you say when you say it.

Flynn 24

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (5 September 2011):

DoubleM agony auntYep, too soon. You might consider saying something like, "You know what? You're really beginning to 'grow' on me, but we'll have to see what the future holds." That may seem a bit old fashioned, so you can adapt. But unless she was also virgin prior to your foray, you may indeed set yourself up for a heartbreak.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (4 September 2011):

chigirl agony auntToo soon!

Do you even love her, or are you only talking about saying it? Don't ever say it until you understand what it means and know in your heart that you feel it, because once you've said it you can't take it back and go "I didn't love you after all".

Say it once you mean it, and only then. I highly doubt you feel this strongly for her after only a month, I'm leaning more to you being completely in love, and seeing through pink classes and walking on cloud nine. But love? Love is a deep feeling, not a rush.

Have a talk with someone who knows what love is and how it feels like. It's a deep dedication for someone, and a strong feeling. It's not a rush, and love doesn't come immediately, love takes time to grow and years and years to fade away, and can last forever if you nourish it.

Don't say it yet. One month is too soon anyway. If this is how you feel for her then I am happy for you, but wait with saying it until you're a bit deeper into the relationship. Maybe around 3-6 months into the relationship would be a better time.

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A male reader, wiseoldman United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2011):

Probably, but as you grow up/mature/get older/whatever you find that love comes in different forms,and every previous love affair gets re-evalutated. 'True love' can be seen as puppy love, for example, in later years (or later months!!) and sometimes you cringe at the memory of how you felt or how much time you realize you wasted over someone. That being said, if you've never lost your heart you haven't a heart to lose, and caution in love is fatal to true happiness, as another wise old man (Bertrand Russell) once said. So if you think you love her, at this stage of the game you do. Tell her, see what happens, and learn by whatever the result may be over time. Roll the bones. That's life.

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