A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI bought a really expensive gift for my bf and sent it to him. He received his gift today and i called him to check whether he liked it or not, even sent him a message. No response for anything.I called again and he yelled at me for calling him numerous time (i called him twice) and told if i ever call him again he is gonna kill me.Is that too much to expect that atleast he says something about his gift, it was the one he wanted for months and i know he will love his gift. I just wanted him to hear how happy he is. What should i do now, i really love him, please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2013):
 YOU live together and you have a child together and he says if you contact him he’ll kill you?
And you call this behavior ODD? It's beyond ODD.
Listen, either he has a brain tumor that’s causing the erratic behavior or he’s hiding something.
I would not be so sure he’s coming back in a month and if he does it may be to get his stuff.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): Hi, there is definately another woman in the picture. Thats the only time a man becomes distant and does not want you calling him. Honey its time to move on befoer your heart is broken.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
I am the OP, to answer few of the questions, my bf for the past 3 months stays in a different city for work, will be back in a month. We live together and we have 2 yr old daughter togther and no we didnt have any fight recently other then he not calling me as often as he could.
His behaviour is odd for the past few days, i thought it might be work so didnt nag him to call me. I call him twice a day. Bought him a laptop, his laptop was not working and he was talking about replacing for months but didnt have that kind of money. And since his b'day is coming up i surprised him with the gift.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 March 2013):
 WHY would you spend even another MINUTE thinking about/ asking about/ or posting about this total A$$?????
It's OK for you to break off with him... now that you know that he is an unrequited jerk....
Good luck....
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 It sounds like you are broken up now. " Don't ever call me or I'll kill you ".
But, it does not make much sense that a person threatens to kill you and breaks up because you have sent them an expensive gift ! so there must be some sort of background that you have omitted , or some previous fact or conversation that maybe you had misunderstood ?
- Like : were you already broken up , or on a break , and you sent him the gift anyway ? Then he is still a jerk, because a " thanks " is always in order , but he might be annoyed by what he sees like your attempt to get into his good graces again.
- Are/ were you more into him than viceversa, and always
smothering him with " thoughts ", messages and surprises,in the conscious or subsconscious attempt to make him like you more ?... It always backfires, the recipient of the attentions knows he should feel grateful, but can't- in fact he feels pressured and hounded, till he snaps.
- are you much better off than him, moneywise ? maybe your generosity made him uncomfortable or ashamed or embarassed , because he knows he won't be able to give you anything of such value back.
Or- you tell us, if you wish of course.
All in all, no matter what his motives are, the guy is still a clod, what's the big effort in saying " thank you for the gift ". But, for him to get furious because of a costly gift and two phone calls.... he should be stark raving mad, and I don't think he is , I think we haven't been informed about the prequel :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2013):
Hugs OP, the end if not already here is close.
You bought him an expensive gift and sent it to him. Was there a reason or were you just being nice? The problem is I’m sensing that even if you would be willing to still be with a man who said “don’t call me again or I will kill you” I don’t see how you can be.
Is it too much to expect to be thanked for an unsolicited gift? No it’s not too much to expect to be thanked.
Is it too much to expect to be treated with respect at all times by your boyfriend NO it’s not too much to expect to be treated properly with respect at all times by anyone much less your boyfriend.
So what we have here is an overly generous loving girlfriend and a boyfriend who does not respect you or even like you all that much.
You say you really love him… how long have you two been together and how often to you see each other? What other things are wrong with the relationship? What other things are right?
What I would do now? NOT call him. He said he would kill me if I called him again.
I’m betting you sent an IPAD or the like maybe?
Personally chalk it up to a very expensive lesson learned. I’d delete his info and move on… no one should be threatened with DEATH for calling their partner.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Well, that BF would be my EX right now. He threatened you for calling him? Whatever for?
He sounds like an undeserving ass.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the OP. Thank u all for ur replies.
And Thank you WiseOwlE,
"By the way, on his behalf... THANKS FOR THE WONDERFUL GIFT AND THE GIFT OF CARING!"
---Those were very kind words and lovely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): The guy is insensitive, mean, and disrespectful. He didn't bother to acknowledge your gift, because he thinks he's all deserving and really doesn't care as much as you think. You wouldn't have posted this letter unless you've experienced a series of such events; and you're now coming to the realization of how much of a jerk he really is.
When people take you for granted, it is time to reassess how important they really are in your life. Friendship and love is a two-way street. We give and we take. Some people simply take, and never return even the slightest acknowledgement. This type of relationship is usually lop-sided. The giver starts to feel just as you are right now.
TAKERS make excuses by claiming you should know how they feel or it's hard for them to openly express their feelings. Who needs people like that? I mean, really? They would even stoop to saying they show their feelings but shouldn't have to express them in words. Well, it has been my experience that when you really love someone, the words come easy even for a total fool.
I agree that he probably didn't deserve the gift. The reaction to your multiple attempts to reach that jerk says it all. He ignored your calls and accepted the gift with no acknowledgement. He has a strong sense of entitlement and is used to you showering him with love. If he appreciated your gift, he would have been at your doorstep with his arms out-stretched; or burning up your phone, at the least.
It is amazing how many letters I have responded to similar to your own. Women or men hanging on desperately and totally devoted to people who are simply nonchalant in response to all their love and caring.
You have to get over the desperation and realize that all the caring and effort in the word can't get blood out of a stone. Sensitive loving people deserve to have people in their lives who are receptive and willing to reciprocate the effort. They have to SHOW and TELL you how they feel.
How do you find them? You patiently continue to date and meet people. You don't search for love, love finds you. So you make you self open and available. You don't tie yourself to people who obviously will not change and keep you dangling on a string, clinging for dear life and love.
I think you've learned a valuable lesson from this gift drama. You see his real colors. No one on this site can tell you how to handle this, that is up to you.
In all fairness, there are two sides to every story. We don't really know him. However; the description of his reaction to your calls, and lack of appreciation for your gift doesn't paint a very good picture.
My advice, find someone who will make you happy, show and tell you how they feel; and be sure you do the same in return.
YOU figure out how you have to do it. By the age of 26, you've learned a few things.
By the way, on his behalf... THANKS FOR THE WONDERFUL GIFT AND THE GIFT OF CARING!
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 "told if i ever call him again he is gonna kill me." putting the awful threat of killing you aside, I think this means he has broken up with you I'm afraid.
Yes he should have said thank you and been grateful for the gift, however if he thinks you are broken up perhaps this is why he didnt say anything.
Are you in a long distance relationship? I presume you must be otherwise you would have given him the gift in person. When was the last time you spoke to him before this? Have you been having problems recently?
I honestly think this relationship is over I'm afraid, he has made it clear he never wants to speak to you again so I dont see any other message you can take from that sentence other than he has ended the relationship and doesnt want to hear from you again. If I were you I'd ask for the gift back and tell him once you get the gift back you will stop contacting him. At least that way you wil get your money back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): Dont call him nor send him any more gifts. The fact that he complained about u calling sounds like u are not the only woman in his life.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 He has no manners or he didn't really expect this gift. Nowhere did you say it was his birthday. I think he was mentioning something he wants for a long time but was surprised you actually bought it for him. His lack of response says something about the relationship. The amount we spend on someone reflects the seriousness of the relationship.
I am never the one to ask status of the relationship but in this case you have to otherwise there will be other times he's going to disappoint you like this.
His not picking up the phone shows that he does not care about you. He can't even explain to you why he did not pick it up.
He may be a person who talks a lot but does nothing so he's shocked that you took it literally and brought his dream to reality. Maybe he has no ability to reciprocate, or does not think he wants to give you something equal in value, hence his silence.
That yelling and killing is just over the top. If calling twice is too much for him to handle. Imagine having a family with kids with him. He couldn't bring himself to say thank you maybe he didn't think he deserved the gift from you.
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