A
female
age
51-59,
*ebmor
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. The first 3 months were like the moon and stars aligned and it was made of things that novels are written about. At the beginning of the new year, our blissfulness wore off. His future ex (he is separated) moved back into their home with their children. He moved himself into the basement and gave them the house back. (I know - I should have ran then). This is a woman that by his account, and his 2 sister's account he never loved - he got her pregnant when she was in high school (he was a sailor) and he married her - a year later she was pregnant again - after a night of drinking. The laundry is very dirty in their relationship - he was separated when I met him and she was living with her mom with the kids. Her mom moved to FL so she had no place to go - the main focus is the kids being close to both parents.Anyway, my gut tells me to walk away until the divorce is final. His stress from this situation is almost too much for me to bear. He doesn't like talking to me about his stress because he feels it is his "mess" to clean up so when he comes to me fully, there will be no "dirty laundry".I love this man with all of my heart. I have been divorced and I know how that separation and divorcing period stinks. I want to be there for him but think we should stop - take a break - and continue once his situation is over. The thought of not calling him, texting him, emailing him, going places with him, or making love to him is a lot to bear. AND we work in the same building - so I will still have to see him at work. But I need a good way to tell him that we need a break - temporarily- -until the divorce is final - which is not for another 6 months - or longer if they cannot agree on her alimony. UGH.Can true love really take a break - and come back to be as strong as it was in the beginning?
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female
reader, Entirely Unique  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 If you really feel a break is what is needed and what you want then that's exactly what you should do, although I do feel talking your feelings through with him first can't do any harm and if nothing can be solved through talking to him about your feelings then that conversation will be a good starter point to move onto the conversation about wanting a break from the relationship and the situation.I hope you get the end result you want.
A
female
reader, debmor +, writes (21 March 2010):
debmor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the quick replies - I am thinking of nothing else this weekend. We had a wonderful St. Patty's Day - but the very next day I came right out and asked - "you ARE still getting divorced aren't you" and "nothing has changed" and "do you still love me". Yes was answer to all the questions and he knows his situation is not good on us and thanked me for sticking by him. I will feel like a heel when I do this - AND I will - I know it is best. Just too much with her still around. We cannot be happy. We had talked about him moving in here, but I don't want him living here with me and my son - until he is divorced.
I am thinking of making a list of all the reasons I love him and all the reasons we need this break.
My birthday is tomorrow. I will not be spending it with him (it is his weekend with his kids - they continue to act "separated" even tho they live in same home). I have plans to shop in am and hike in pm. We have a date for Monday to celebrate my birthday. (he still better call! :-) ) I will have to do this sometime this week. I am so nervous. I don't want to "break up" but the break is needed...ugh. Never easy. Any suggestions on what I should say?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 March 2010):
Your gut is right. This man is no good to you at all as it is. And if you need to take a break after just 6 months, then things just really are not right. Think carefully about whether you would be better ending it entirely.
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (20 March 2010):
Only you can really decide what is right for you, if this situation is too much for you then you're right in thinking you should take a break but personally I would talk to him first, maybe if he knows how you really feel about all this then he might be able to help in some way or maybe even agree with you.
Make sure you're really sure about what you want before you make your decision because sometimes you can make the wrong ones and some decisions aren't always reversable.
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (20 March 2010):
 Yes it can. You are doing the right thing for everyone concerned, including yourself. If ya'll are truly in love you can do whatever it takes and I think right now you both need a break. If it's love it will survive a separation and if it doesn't then it was for the best. Be strong. Tell him you love him but you all need some time apart and after his divorce you can begin your relationship with all of your priorities straight and in order. It is probably the only way your relationship will grow and last. Good luck
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