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Is it that she doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 May 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *rightonrob writes:

I split up with my girlfriend almost a year ago after I found out she was cheating on me. The break up was quite hard as we lived together but although she tried to keep in touch I managed to avoid her. Recently I started replying to her emails and texts. Within a couple of times of seeing her again we were kissing and sleeping with other again. It started off that I was sure that I didn't want her back and I still don't really but my feelings for her have grown. I was out Friday and saw her kissing another guy, this hurt but I didn't react, however when she saw me in the club and panicked and left him to come over to me and asked me to leave with her - suddenly she stopped and said I need to get his number? So I left without her and didn't text her. We ended up somehow going out together a couple of days later, went for dinner and had a good time. Later we went for drinks and in front of her friends and when there were other guys around, I might as well have not been there - again I left and she text me to ask where and why I had gone.

I text her, said I didn't think you wanted me there. You were ignoring me, texting another guy in front of me so I went to find my friends. After a few texts, one of which was that she loved me still but didn't want a relationship I said that we shouldn't do this anymore - all good but she turned up at my house later that night and again we slept together. In the morning her phone rang and in front of me arranged to meet a guy for lunch.

Considering we are not together, am I over reacting? Even though I don't think I want her back, I still have very strong feelings for her. Is it a case that she doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me??

Thanks

View related questions: kissing, split up, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

I agree with Daniel, your messing with each others heads.

Your still attached emotionally and she is using you big time for her own ego. Honestly she sounds like a female player and you already know she is a cheat. So do you really want to be dragged right back into her stuffed up game?

Kiss a georgeous girl in front of her and she how she likes it!!! Sounds like she like to be the centre of attention and that would soon put her straight!

To be honest, she sounds awful! And definately a player!

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2008):

Country Woman agony auntHmmm have to agree with Emivia in as much as she likes the attention she gets and YOU are sex when she wants and she knows it.

Don't be treated like a doormat here, you are worth so much more than this. If she wants to date other guys then fine but don't keep on coming back to you whenever she wants sex. As far as I can see it she may be sleeping with everyone and anyone and do you really want to take that risk with your own health. I would not entertain her anymore.

You need a girl who is going to be only with you.

You sound like a decent guy and the fact that this girl cheated on you in the first place means to say that she will always be the same. A leopard never changes it's spots and she won't either.

Don't be taken for a ride. Respect yourself and tell her thanks but no thanks. You want a girl who is only interested in you and not every guy out there.

This ex of yours is not the only girl out there who is in to you believe me. Just cut the ties and start looking but if you are not ready then just have a laugh with your pals OK.

Wish you best of luck.

BFN

Country Woman

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (28 May 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI believe that both of you are messing around with each other's heads. You can either be together, or not; this whole thing of seeing each other, sleeping, et cetera, and then texting anybody else and finding other people seems to have no point.

If I were you, I would just leave her and move on. And if I were her, I would do the same.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

You're not over reacting no. You are a decent guy and you have told her that this is not when you want. You are drawn to her and can't help but see her when she asks you to.

She is messing around with your head. What she is doing is extremly hurtfull. I don't think she doesn't want anyone else to have you. I think it's more of a case that she wants to have her cake and eat it.

Try not to see her anymore. You'll just end up getting hurt more again and again.

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