A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have an issue that is bothering me and have been thinking about a lot lately.I am almost 23 years old and within the past 5 years haven't had a serious relationship and haven't had sex. I am almost done with University and then will need to start looking for a job to support myself and pay off my University fees, so it seems like my "youth" is almost gone.I had a girlfriend in High School. I really liked her and dated her for a year. But out of fear, I guess some inner demons, I never really touched her and got close. I believe this is mainly because I was only about 15 years old and just didn't know how to express myself although I really wanted to. To this day I have some regret for that because I feel she left me after a year or so because she felt neglected. Plus I still have issues on knowing how to express myself physically. I don't want to come across as being pushy or just wanting sex.Later on I moved to another High School and a year later started University. Had some friends but never found a girlfriend. I once dated a girl and we did have sex once. The relationship didn't work out because we didn't life close to each other, and I can't say the attraction was so intense they we tried to hold it together. I actually was visiting my old town for only 2 weeks, but knew this girl from before. I was about 18 years old. It seems like it is almost worse having sex only once and not having it again for about 4-5 years. You don't have your 'virginity' but you aren't enjoying the sexual pleasures of life.The party lifestyle never really suited me. Now I am studying abroad and I find local women very attractive but I just don't know how to date, ask a girl on a date, have casual sex, or start a serious relationship. Most of my friends, basically throughout my life, don't and didn't really feel like friends, but more like acquaintances. I only have a few months left before I have to leave, but I still want to experience some of these things that I have missed most of my life before I leave, especially because of my strong attraction to these girls.I know I have done many things within the past year. Living in a foreign country and traveling around, and this is maybe the only thing in life I totally won't regret. Although not having a girlfriend or more active social life will always kick me in the ass.Some may say that I am still very young, 22 years old. But in reality, that is the end of youth and the beginning of average age. Many men (boys) my age have experienced sex and dated many times. But I just lack this experience and don't know how to attain it. That is the thing that eats at me most.I am a relatively good looking guy, and will hear from girls once and a while, usually indirectly from one of their friends, that they think I am cute. I am also nice, and sometimes told that maybe I am too nice. So why isn't it easier? But as time goes on I know that youthful charm will start to fade. Now I notice my hair falling out quite a bit and I feel that I may be a candidate for Male Pattern Baldness. It seems that within another year or two my youth will be gone and I don't want to miss out on young sex. Basically is there anyone else out there that can relate to this or help give me advice?
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Well ok.. so you identified it, it is lack of confidence. Now find out why and work with it. Your brain is VERY powerful and even though you might not turn into a social butterfly in a night, you have the capability to make significant changes.
How did Saturday go?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Minelisse. It does feel like I am just missing out, or more importantly my time is running out. I can't but help compare myself to my peers and see how much farther they are along with these things. I will also look into Mars and Venus. Also for me it isn't just as easy as asking the girl out. Honestly Ryuk is right, I just don't have much confidence I guess. It's like the barrier between something you do for the first time. I just have to leap the fence but have to have the courage/confidence in order to do it. It isn't because I have been rejected, it is just that I haven't tried yet. Anyway, hopefully this weekend I will go to a bar or something and just see if there is someone I am slightly interested in and try to talk to them. See if I can get a number and go out on a date. I feel rejected or not, I will just have satisfaction knowing that I at least tried.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse +, writes (28 May 2008):
Oh God... I am almost 30 and now I feel really really old lol... I am a firm believer that youth lives within you, and that partying and having a lot of casual sex is just, sometimes, being irresponsible. The truth is there are a LOT of ways to enjoy life and enjoy your "youth", you just decide how and it seems you've choosen other stuff.
My husband,who was 32 when I met him, has your same regrets. Before me he never dated or partied. In his case, he choose studying and learning. You can actually ask him about almost anything and he has an answer, or he makes one up :-) I, on the other hand, had my share of parties and guys and that just cost me a lot of uncomfortable situations and worries. Believe it or not, a lot of those funny, perky, social people who are drinking a lot all the time, are not really that happy. I know this will be difficult to understand, but partying, sex, alcohol and drugs is a lot of time used to cover something else people don't like about themselves and don't know how to deal with.
Now... comming to you... there are a couple of good books you should get your hands on like Mars and Venus. I know it will sound a bit clicheick but look it up. It will help you understand women, what they want and what they don't. Someone who bends over too much for other people shows his a**... and that's not good (it sounds better in Spanish). That means that being too good is actually a bad thing. I sometimes fight with my husband on him being always looking out for what I want, I actually want him to stand up to what he wants more often.
With these girls who though you were cute, why didn't you ask them out? Do you have a best friend that can kind of coach you? Just randomly choose a girl and go ask her out. The worst thing that could happen is she says no... and so... you just move on. Not the end of the world. After you go out, be nice, treat her nice but don't wait on anything and everything she says, just like she was a guy. If you both want a one night stand, thats cool, if not, then don't use her for sex just for your need of feeling "young".
Hope this help. Keep us posted. Good luck!
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