A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I have a serious dilemma! I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years but I am seriously thinking of leaving him. We moved in together weeks after meeting and have been together ever since, I was 16 when the relationship started. Lately we have argued ALOT, mainly about housework as he does not do anything at all around the house. We both work full time and we are both tired when we get home but I am the only one who will cook dinner, do washing etc etc. I have tried all different ways of getting him to help, I have asked nicely, given him specific tasks and full out had a real go at him to get something done. But it always gets in a mess again as he doesnt clean up after himself and I always end up spending any free time I have sorting out mess. He has a temper and although would never hit me sometimes I think he comes close when I am nagging and shouting at him. Anyway I am still young and sometimes I think I could do better and wish that he would just leave me so I could get a new life. But i dont think he would ever leave and it would be down to me. I dont know what to do - is it silly to leave someone because they refuse to help around the house? I know most men in general arent any good at housework but most people i talk to, their husbands or boyfriends do help out and clean up after themselves and are appreciative when their other half spends hours cleaning making the house look nice. He is also really bad with money and when bills are left down to him they never get paid. This means I end up paying absolutely everything and organising everything which I am fed up of. Our sex life has also been appauling which is pretty much down to me. We have sex maybe once a week at most - we have gone weeks without it before now. This is mainly because I am so exhausted by the time my head hits the pillow and all I can think of is sleep but I do begin to wonder whether I do actually fancy him or whether his lazy ways and bad temper have completely turned me off for some reason. Any advice anyone??? :'(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 You seem very worried about him not doing his share of house chores, but I would not say this is your main problem. Your main problem is that he has a temper and he scares you. When you fight, you feel he comes close to hitting you, even if then he doesn't. What if you have just beeen lucky so far ? What if you nag him a bit more, or if feels less able to control his aggressivity ?another thing you incidentally glide over is,oh yeah, our sex life sucks. At your age, darling ?! It should be all fireworks , it's early yet to make sex a minor details like if you were an old couple that's been married forever.
Think about it - maybe 5 years from now you'll earn more and be able to pay a maid to do your cleaning- but i don't think that his temper and sex drive will have improved by then....
A
female
reader, Tasmanian devil +, writes (5 April 2010):
 I think your getting a taste of married life, but aren't ready for it. You've been with him for 6 years, but is he who you want to settle down with??
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