A
female
age
36-40,
*eema shahid
writes:MOD NOTE: 2 posts combined into one..hi am married since two n half yrs and quite happy with my marriage but few incidents that took place i feel he thinks lustfully about other woman, please can u help me by telling do these incidents indicate that he has lustfull thoughts about other woman..? once we had been to a theme park and near the locker room there was a girl who was wearing a t-shirt totally transparent and my husband kept looking at her and when i asked him why are you looking at her he said that he was waiting for her to move from there so that he could go and use his locker which was next to that girls locker and said he was wondering what kind of clothes she was wearing.. the other incident was when we had been to my friends place my friend was sitting opposite to my husband and i was busy talking to my friends mom and when i happen to look at my husband i saw him looking at my friend whose neckline was deep and when i told my husband that i did not like him doing that he said that he did realize that her neckline was deep and he did accept that he was sitting in a position where he tend to look at her. the third incident was when we were sitting outside are apartments there was a man who was teaching his wife how to drive a vehicle and the lady who was learning to drive had worn exposing clothes and my husband was looking at her and again when i asked him he said am looking at the way she is learning to drive.. please help.Then there is this woman this woman who looks very attractive and wears revealing clothes at his office working with my husband and this creates a sense of insecurity within me that all day they are together and i get different kind of thoughts like is he fascinated by her or he dreams about her which trouble me a lot.. how do i find out if he is lusting her..? please help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): To Poster: you didn't explain your relationship with your husband enough. Does he tell you how beautiful you are? How sexy you are? How is your sex life? Does he encourage you to wear clothing to accentuate your figure? If not, then you may have a problem. You MUST communicate with him not of your insecurities but of your curiousness to what turns him on in a woman. Show him you love him enough to make an effort to please him but not so much of an effort that you end up changing who you are completely.To Male Anon: As far as the "You have good taste in spotting hot girls, that's why you married me" suggestion - it will only work if it's true. Some men marry for other reasons. Some men even tell their wives that if they were a picky guy they never would have married her (and not during a fight where he might say something he doesn't mean - just during a normal conversation). Yes, there are men out there who will hurt the women they marry.Best of luck to you!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Yes. All heterosexual men have lustful thoughts about young hot women. Any guy who tells you otherwise is a bold faced liar. Even your father, a role model for a future husband, used to size up your teenaged girlfriends.Heterosexual men are genetically programmed to get aroused by the pretty curves and supple breasts of an attractive woman. Don't worry though, when a man reaches the age of death, the urges stop.Now then.... as a wife you can either be needy, bitchy, and demanding, and try to control his every thought until you drive him away from you, OR you can let him enjoy looking at other beautiful women without guilt. By trying to control his thought processes you are proving to him just how insecure and needy you are inside. I think most guys would agree that needy, insecure, controlling women are a major turn OFF.If you want to keep your man interested in you, the next time you catch him ogling a young hottie, mention to him that he has good taste in spotting hot girls, which is why he married you. You may want to point out some hotties to him also, I am sure he will find you more attactive by your own self confidence to do so.
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A
female
reader, naieve1  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 That sounds like a typical guy to me, it is acceptable for people to "look around" but to a certain extent. Obviously when you confront him about these questions, it seems like he'll find a way to weasel himself out of it.
Maybe you should try giving him a taste of his own medicine: an attractive guy that just so happens to be around get all googly-eyed over him. If he tells you he doesn't like it, you should probably suggest that's what you feel for the multiple times he has done it. Or have you tried talking to him about your feelings? Ask him to put himself in your shoes and see how he would feel. That way you both can relate to one another and work something out. But don't come off too strong, otherwise it really shows your insecurity. Try to be understanding and patient.
Sure we can't help it if our boyfriends' or husbands' eyes roam around, there are a bunch of attractive people out there, but at the same time it should not happen enough to cause problems. I, too, would definitely be feeling insecure about myself if it happened a number of times. And even if they look at a girl for a second or two, you're the one walking away with him in the end. I hope you two talk to each other and work this out. Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 You seems to be getting paranoid which is causing you insecurity, anxiety, depression, and irrational fears.
All men have lust in their heart and their eyes will naturally zoom in when a sexy and beautiful girl comes into view.
You cannot force them to change because they are born that way and also due to their hormones.
The only way to cure this malady is not to marry a man .
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