A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for 18 months now. I'm 18 and he's 22, every things great. we love each other so much and i am so happy with him. Anyway the problem is, he's a plumber/electrician and still lives with his parent. Whereas i have just finished my A levels and have been accepted into Uni which is 2 hours away. Before i met my boyfriend i had always said i wanted to go to this university and move away. When i applied for it though i changed my mind and have thought ever since that i will go to uni next year when i apply somewhere more local. However i came out with really good grades, and got really excited about getting into this university. So at the last minute i have completely changed my mind back and will attend this uni in september, and so i'm going to be moving in three weeks.My boyfriends really upset about it though, he hasn't told me NOT to move away but he wont really talk about me moving and gets tears in his eyes every time i mention moving. I feel really bad, i love him so much but i have always wanted to do this. Do you think its selfish of me to move away now im in a serious relationship? and do you think this will be the end of us when i move?
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female
reader, Katy123456789Katy +, writes (28 August 2009):
of course this isint selfish!
if he does truly love you, he would be persuading you to go for this opitunity your so blatenly in love with.
however you must be respectful towards it, as its a big thing for someone inlove.
A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Don't worry, it isn't selfish, and if your relationship is as strong as it sounds you guys will figure out a way to make it work - at the moment i'm in the reverse situation; i am going into my A2 year of college at home and my boyfriend will be heading off to his 3rd year of university on the other side of england in a few weeks, but we have survived so far and honestly i think it makes the relationship stronger (though it cant be denied that it is difficult).
If this university is something youve always had your heart set on then you should go guiltfree, and he should support you. Ease him into a talk about it and make sure he knows that you're not choosing it over him; its something you feel you have to do but you in no way want to lose the bond you have with him.
Good luck :) xx
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A
male
reader, ALLOVERIT  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 It's not selfish at all...if you guys are real serious about this relationship, you should bring up the possibility of maybe killing two birds with one stone. Im not sure how the pay is where you're from, but here, plumbers/electricians make good money. Maybe this is a sign for him to move out of his parents and then you two get a place together near your school?? if not, two hours away is a hop ,skip and a jump away when it comes to love. No reason to stress it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 I don't think it is selfish to want to pursue higher education, particularly if you are a smart girl. I do understand, however, that he feels bad about your leaving, as it might well be the end of the relationship. I speculate that he's not worried only about the distance, but also about the fact that you'll be above him and you won't want to date him anymore. Every man knows that women don't usually date or marry down (sorry if women get angry, but I am just stating a fact).
I think you should pursue your career, anyways. Maybe this is the stimulus he might need to continue studying, if he can afford it, that is.
By the way, the man is giving good signs that he's not selfish. He hasn't said that you should not go. He seems to understand that you want to improve your lot, and he seems to be fine with that, except for the fact that he might be losing you.
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A
female
reader, SHANIKA +, writes (25 August 2009):
I don't think your'e being selfish and can completely understand your being excited about uni after having studyed hard for 2 years,however,though it's not your fault,your boyfriend will clearly be miserable if you move far away-If you love him enough,you could chose to go next year,more locally,choose being the operative word here-only do it if you want to out of love for him,don't feel you have to,personally,if I was you I would wait a year but do whatever is right for you,it's your future-and if you do decide to wait,whatever you do,don't get sucked into the whole "I'll work for now and go back to school later" trap,I've seen loads of people do this,then get used to their dead end job and end up not wanting to go back-make it very clear to your bf that you still intend to go back next year and for pity's sake don't go and get pregnant till you've finished your education
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