A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I are getting married in a few weeks time. His sister has organised a birthday party for her kids a few days before our wedding and invited 30 kids and lots of the guests who will be attending our wedding. We are worried that if one of them has covid, then half the guests to our wedding wont be able to come, including his parents. Is it selfish that she organised this party knowing our wedding will only be a few days later? She could have organised it a couple of weeks earlier or after our wedding, though granted it wouldnt be on the kids birthday. She organised it in the last few weeks and our wedding has been booked for months.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2021): I don’t think she purposefully planned it to sabotage you. I get the dilemma. She wasn’t being thoughtful.
Most likely everyone will be safe and stay outside and no harm will be done.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2021): Who organises a party only days before a wedding? Covid or no covid. Sounds like she wants to be centre of attention.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2021): No it is not selfish.Or,perhaps it is, in the sense that obviously this lady cares more about making her child happy than about making you happy;but then again, why shouldn't she ?! That's normal; your wedding day naturally for you is an all- important day and the be-all and end-all of all social events- but for anybody else,including a SIL with children ,is something that they will fit in their plans and schedules as long as it does not inconvenience them too much .As for the debatable wisdom of organizing a party with many guests just in the middle of a pandemy, after all you are doing exactly the same, only, few days later, so I don't think you are the right person to complain.
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (7 September 2021):
 Should his parents ( considering that they're old and even vaccinated older people are still dying ) go to either party? I don't think so. My neighboor was 64 fully vaccinated and in good health, died last week because he was moving and decided to give away some stuff in his house, some people, less than 10 mind you, came to his house, somebody contaminated him and he died. Your in laws could get it anywhere really, but if I were them I wouldn't be going to ANY party but talking about your SIL, I don't think it's selfish of her to throw a party for HER child. As a mother her child comes first and wanting to throw her a party specially after last years's restriction doesn't sound unreasonable or selfish to me, sorry. I just wouldn't invite so many people or do it in my house, I would do it in a park or somewhere in the open.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2021): You know, the debate about covid-responsibility can go-on forever. People are irresponsible, thoughtless, and stupid.
There's always a heavy price to pay for stupidity; and the innocent are sometimes in the fallout; or become collateral damage because of thoughtless stupid-people. You can't fault her alone. Those guests have their own lives and can be exposed anytime they leave home...even at home.
I fully agree with you; but unfortunately, her kid's birthday was a reality before your wedding-date; and the guests are not exclusively yours or the bride's.
You'll have to hope the guests you've invited are responsible enough to take all the necessary precautions to stay safe. You're having an event that will bring a group of people together; and the birthday-party is the only other event that "you know" they'll be exposed to. They all have lives and contacts you're unable to keep track of; so the risk is always there. There's an ongoing pandemic; and they're taking a risk attending the wedding as well.
That's the reality of life as it is now.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (6 September 2021):
Only your wedding is important to you. Stop expecting others to stop their plans just because your wedding is in a few weeks. Those kids were born before you even decided to get married so why on earth do you think that their parents should celebrate their birthdays early because of your wedding? Screams Bridzilla to me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 September 2021):
 I don't really think so. but I get what you are feeling. I do think it was a bit thoughtless of her, regardless of Covid. Even without the pandemic who throws a big party DAYS before a wedding? Even if it is for kids? She could have done it the weekend AFTER. Sure, it wouldn't have been ON the day but most kids would understand.
If someone does come down with Covid there are plenty of places to catch that, other than at a party. Again, the fact that you have a large group of people together CAN up the chance.
With or without Covid your SIL doesn't really think about other people much, does she?
I understand that EVERYONE wants to get back to "normal" (pre-covid) asap, that doesn't mean you should THINK a little.
With all that said, what can you do? Nothing.
I hope you have a lovely wedding with no illness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2021): What selfishness are u talking about?? Sorry I dont understand u.is it that...u don`t want her to celebrate her kid bd??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2021): I think you're being really silly. You're behaving like these guests live in a bubble and the only two places they will go to are this kids party and then to your wedding. To be fair, if they were to get infected, any single person could get infected absolutely anywhere or for that matter, all of them could get infected at the same time, from different sources.
If it were me personally, I would never have a party at home and invite this many people knowing that it could be a potential disaster. Then again, you're choosing to have a wedding with guests smack dab in the middle of a pandemic so you can't be one to talk.
She's not selfish, she's just really stupid to have a big party for child, knowing that children are now getting affected in a big way. I do think though that you're being a me, me, me bride.
You can't control where people go to or who invites whom!
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