A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it right to spend time with the opposite sex when are you in a relationship with someone else? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): I am a boy and i have a hard time NOT to sexaulize girls i meet or have as freinds. I cant stop flirting just a little..
- Klaus
A
female
reader, candy00s  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 I dont see the problem with men and women being friends.
I can see why a partner may be a bit concerned as they automatically think that you want something more than friendship simply because its another bloke/girl.
As long as your clear about where you stand, i myself have lots of male friends i wouldnt change that for any bloke that came along.
Be friends with whoever you choose to be friends with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): This is just my opinion. It is very risky. When a female wants to be 'friends' with a heterosexual male, she should be forewarned that it 'will never be innocent' on the part of the majority of males. A female is fooling herself is she thinks likewise. Like Eddie said..men really do think differently. By nature, heterosexual men do sexualize every female that comes within contact to him. And the reality is that sexual attraction could suddenly enter the realm of a cross-gender friendship, very easily. It can be uninvited is always lurking in the background. Sexual tension can and likely always be a proponent of a friendship between a male and female. This is always the biggest complaint from women about their friendships with men. A simple, platonic hug can surprisingly take on a more deeper, sexual meaning, but more on the part of the male.
So is it right to spend time with a male friend? That depends on your bf. Realize your bf is a guy and he knows how other guys think! Believe that. I think a female in a love relationship would not want to jeopardize the solidarity she feels with her partner. If she is friends with a male. she'd be very, very wise to socialize with her male friends, involving her bf as much as possible. To be perfectly honest..I am not a close personal friend to any males. Even my exes. All my close, personal friends are strictly female. That's my preference. If I did have a male friend and was asked to do something social with this friend, I would ask my fiancee to join us. If my fiancee could not join us, out of respect for him...I probably would not go. It has nothing to do with possession. It has to do with treating one's relationship with respect. When I break up with a man in my life, contact is dropped instantaneously. Being friends with exes or even other males, will always, always at one point, interfere in the relationship as far as I am concerned.
But I don't think it's wrong to be friends with a male-by all means--go ahead. But be cautious and considerate to how your bf is viewing all this. Get his thoughts and if trust is solid, between you two..he may not mind. But, talk to your partner first and get his feelings out on the table and please, show respect for those feelings.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Hello Anonymous,
It isn't right and it isn't wrong. It depends on how the people in the romantic relationship feel about their partner spending time with a friend of the opposite sex. It's what works best for the both them.
I believe that people should be able to spend time with their friends - regardless of what sex they happen to be. But you have to make sure that everyone is on the same page so no awkward situations occur.
Plus it always helps if everyone is friends with one another. If not, at least the friend of the opposite sex and the romantic partner should be introduced and get to know each other a little bit. At least in my opinion. Then the romantic partner would probably feel more comfortable with everything. There are cases, though, where it could make the partner feel more *un*comfortable.
Each situation is different, though. But just based on the person being of the opposite sex alone shouldn't matter (at least to me).
If there are real trust issues in the relationship it seems like those should be worked on first and the friends can wait for a bit. Is there a reason you're asking this question?
Take care.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (29 May 2007):
 It depends on what your true feelings are. And the other persons feelings too. You see, when two people have a relationship, trust is expected. We cant' really control what third parties do although we can try to keep ourselves out of bad situations.
If you're out somewhere, in a social setting, hanging out, in an environment where you'd expect to meet new people, that's one thing. If you are continually "seeking" that particular person, then it's a problem.
I honestly believe that's it more of an issue for women. In my opinion, men are wired differently and are more prone to have sex without connection or second thoughts. Men have always been the hunters in the male/female courting rituals. Women might get hooked on how "friendly" the guy is and start to really admire him for those qualities. Men, without a doubt, will check out a female friend. That doesn't mean a guy would cross the line,I wouldn't, but I 'd notice if she was really attractive.
It's like training an animal not to do something. We can train ourselves not to cross the line, but we are actually wired, inside our heads, to desire the opposite sex. That can not change. IF problems arise at home, the situation is put to the test. As Frank said,many of the question on this site refer to the "we were just friends" theme. The truth is, most people can see cheating coming, a mile away, but it feels good to get attention. That is what we give our friends, attention.
In general, under certain conditions, we can mix. You have to make sure you're maintaining your first relationship though and put that first. It's very easy to fall into the trap of crying on your friends shoulder when things get rocky at home. That is the first step in the wrong direction
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): I don't see it as a problem either but I think it definitely depends on the people involved.
I have a lot of female friends, lots of them are sexually attractive but I've never done anything inappropriate with them and thus most of them are very long-term friends. On the other hand I was out with a friend who can't seem to help but excessively flirt and go well over the line of platonic friendship with his female friends, so I guess it goes to show it depends on the people involved.
Also sometimes it is helpful to relationships to have friends of the opposite sex. Tons of times I have spoken to females about a relationship problem and they've given me a female perspective, and similarly they've heard a male perspective from me.
I guess like I say it comes down to the individual people and circumstances of what those people feel is right and what isn't. You've posted the question so there is obviously a concern about something - and you are probably right to have that concern, it's difficult to advice though, since you didn't write any specific information.
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A
female
reader, laurie-loo +, writes (29 May 2007):
 i think it depends, if youve been close to this person of the opposite sex for a while then yes go ahead, no new boyfriend should get invovled and be possesive over you and a good freind. but say if there could be a possibilty of some romance then i think thats a bad idea. if you and your boyfriend trust each other and want to have a trusting loving relationship, if he isnt supportive of you having male freinds explain to him your not going to ditch a freind for a boyfreind. if he wants to be with you and he is convinced there is no flirty buisness going on i think he should be alright! try introducing the two freinds, or doing things both can be involved in like going to the football, or out for a meal somewhere.
good luck!
xxx
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (29 May 2007):
 it depends it what context i guess. i have a bf, but i also have some very gd male friends who i have been friends with for many years and i would not give up that friendship. i think it depends on ur motives 4 wantin to spend time with other people. if they r just friends n both of u r clear with tht then there shudnt b a problem. however u must respect ur partners feelings too. talk to him/her n find out if they have a genuine reason for not likin u spendin time with a particular person and if the reasons r genuine u shud respect that.
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A
female
reader, jomana  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 well it depends on the situation are you alone with the opposite sex or are you in a group and it also depends on your partner's mentality
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 I'd say can be ok when that person is a good mutual friend of the both of you. Other than that, as Frank has described below, it has its risks.
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A
male
reader, Merchant +, writes (29 May 2007):
I think men and women can be friends without them wanting to have sex with each other. However, you need to be vigilant of your feelings and her feelings. I had a long term friendship with a highly intelligent ex-student of mine. She is engaging, intelligent, witty and great company. My wife wasn't that bothered, it was more the people around her that was.
However, over time it is clear that she wanted more than I could give her. She knew my situation, but as ever women tend to want what they cannot have.
So it can work, but care needed.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Depends. Under what conditions are you comfortable with your BF going out with girls, when you are not there? If you are talking about times when you are in class, and have to work in group projects, or times when you and your co-workers are at some event, then sure.
BUT, remember that tempation is always there, and even if you and your partner are not interesting in being with others, that does not stop others from wanting to be with either of you, and doing what is necessary to break you too up.
Personally, if my fiance wanted to go to the movies with a guy, or head over to his place, "just to hang out", I would be very suspious, and would not stand for it. I would imagine she would do the same with me, if all of a sudden I wanted to go to the coffee house to talk to my new female friend "just to hang out".
I personally do not beleieve the men and women can be friends long term, as most of the time, hormones kick in, and someone wants to have fun with the other, if not for love, then curiousity or novelity, or they just happen to be horny and pissed off at their partners.
Read lots of the other questions posted here about guys and girls hanging out, and something happens even when they are in relationships already.
Been a player, do not want to be played.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, UsuallyConfused  +, writes (29 May 2007):
absolutely fine! Just make sure your BF knows that these other guys are just mates, try and get your BF to know them too so he feels more secure about it.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (29 May 2007):
 As long as you're not:
1) Having sex with them
2) Flirting to make them think that you want to have sex with them
3) Making out with them
4) Giving your number to them
5) Going on dates with them
As long as none of that is going on, don't worry about it.
DV1
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (29 May 2007):
 I dont see a problem. As long as your not cheating you can spend time with whoever you like
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