A
female
age
36-40,
*aniackru
writes:hi hunnysI am friends with this man and we are both adults I am 25 and he is 27. We have been friends for a very long time and only recently has it become sexual. We haven't had sex but we have discussed it. we haven't even kissed we have always been very modest with each other. He has basically said we can use each other for sexual fun. However, I must point out we will never get in a relationship or get married it will never turn serious for us because he is just not interested in me in that way. But I am in love with him. I think he knows I am not sure.So my question is , is this really messed up? or should I just let him take advantage at least I will get some time with him or will it just screw me up even more! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maniackru +, writes (24 April 2010):
maniackru is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell another update....
I met up with him a few days ago just went for a walk. I kept asking him still anything to tell me? anything new? etc but he still kept shtum!
since then he hasnt spoken to me not texted or called and usually he texts me everyday and speaks to me online everyday. I spoke to him myself online but after a few minutes he said "brb" and never came back. eventually he did and didnt speak to me!
:( I know i should really let go
A few friends of mine that i have spoken to have said that this "girlfriend" of his does not even exist! but i just find that hard to believe he would make up something like that!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): LonelyTwo that's a bit of a generalization is it not?
OP he's a jerk, plain and simple, and you got off lightly. Just think what his girlfriend is going to go through when he finds another girl to try and sleep with.
Just think what would have happened if you two had gotten together, that's two women he would have hurt and you'd feel far worse than you do now, keep your head held high, you've done nothing wrong nor were you wrong to trust him, thats the risk we all take.
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female
reader, maniackru +, writes (18 April 2010):
maniackru is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys thankyou so much for all your advice. Just to provide an update - i found out just yesterday he is seeing someone! and he has been seeing this someone for a while - all throughout this mess going on with me!!! i cant believe he could do this??
I honestly do not know what to do, and why could he not or has he not told me, i have given him ample opportunity!
I feel so used and just taken for a ride.....
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female
reader, maniackru +, writes (18 April 2010):
maniackru is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys thankyou so much for all your advice, but I just found out he is actually seeing someone!! I cant believe how messed up this is, I gave him ample opportunity for him to tell me and he didnt mention it once and he made that offer to me while he was with the girl!!I feel so ashamed I dont know what to do???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): BAD NEWS!! Trust me i was in the exact same situation. It will only make you more attached to him and it will hurt more in the long run. He will not change his mind and decide he wants a relationship with you after you start having sex, so if that's what you're thinking might happen, it probably wont. He feels the way he does and you can't change that, so it's best to just stop talking about sex and keep it safe and platonic or you're going to end up getting hurt AND losing your friend.
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female
reader, terrifenby  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Alot of people do have people that they just sleep with...no strings. The risk is that you get attached. You already have feelings for this guy so i would strongly recommend that you dont go down this path..You will get hurt. It is good however that he has told you he doesnt want anything more some people just do the deed then tell the other person this. The fact that you have asked this question says to me that you already know what people are going to say... and you just want us to confirm whats already going through your mind.. Keep this relationship as JUST a friendship and nothing more. Things will get very complicated for you if anything more happens! Hope i have been of some help! :)
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 April 2010):
I'm afraid this happens. A lot. It will mess you up more if you continue this way. So maybe you should move on before you get even more hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): No it's not messed up, it happens.
The answer to your question is, yes it will screw you up more. You're lucky in this situation, he sounds like a decent guy, decent enough to tell you he's not interested in you in that way, a lesser man would not and would use your feelings for him to get sexual gratification.
It would screw you up because for you it would never be enough, having sex with him, would be for you, a special thing and for him it would be casual. He said it would never go any further but you will still live in hope.
Sex would change your friendship for good and might even do irreperable damage to it. This is not the kind of "time with him" that you really want so it's probably best if you don't have sex with him as it would not be a casual thing for you, your feelings are too strong for that.
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