A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone have any advice on winning back an ex boyfriend? I truly loved him and we both had minor bumps throughout the relationship but ultimately parted ways. At first he seemed hesitant about the possibility of it working in the future but then said he didn't want to say "forever". I miss him so much and think that it could be a healthier and more successful down the line. Has anyone experienced this before where it worked out later? I'm just trying to stay hopeful and not push him at this time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (6 February 2021):
 Unless there have been major changes in your life, his life or both your lives, and the reason you split up would no longer be an issue, then it is totally pointless to rerun the same movie, with the same content, yet expect a different ending. You don't say why you split up so it's difficult to offer specific advice, so I can only offer the generic advice above.
The only other thing I would mention is that, if you have to chase him and "play" him like a fish to "land" him, it doesn't sound like his heart is in this and he is unlikely to commit long term.
Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us lessons and then, when they have served their purpose, we need to let them go. Consider if he was one of life's lessons and whether it would be best to learn and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2021): Typo corrections:
"Straining not to argue, biting your tongue, gritting your teeth when you get on each-others nerves! While you put-on fake-smiles and claim it's okay."
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2021): Girlfriend, you don't recycle used toilet paper...or ex-boyfriends!!! Once "ex" is placed before "boyfriend;" you move on with your life. You don't hold them hostage as make-believe friends; and you don't pine-away all your peak years over some ex!
Doing the same failed-relationship over and over, and expecting different results, is insanity!
People see reconciliations on movies and TV soap operas; and envision their exes running towards them in slow motion with open-arms outstretched. That's a camera trick, and it's total fiction. If anything, when they see you coming; they'll do an about-face, and shoot-off in the opposite direction! Leaving a puff of smoke behind like a Saturday-morning cartoon character. That's more realistic!
"At first he seemed hesitant about the possibility of it working in the future but then said he didn't want to say "forever"."
Then why did he even mention the word "forever?" Forever does not exist in this plain of existence. That happens in the hereafter. So, maybe he means in another dimension in time, in heaven, or somewhere in the space time-continuum. Maybe when we discover how to travel through space at the speed of light. Think you can wait?
Here's what a reconciliation usually entails. You might go-out on a few dates and have a few lovely talks. You'll get overcome with nostalgia, and reminisce about the good old-days. Slowly you become "friends with benefits." Then you agree to try-it again. While you're both wondering if and who you boinked when you were separated? You'll get along great for a few weeks, even months! Staining not to argue, biting your tongue, gritting your teeth when you get on each-others nerves! While you put-on a fake smiles and claim it's okay. Wanting to throw the heaviest object in the room in his or her direction!!!
Tensions rise! The friction starts to generate heat! Then the suppressed-anger finally overwhelms your pressure-gauges, and all hell breaks loose! You have the blow-out of all blow-outs! You'll recall all the past problems (in precise detail) and volley blame back and forth. You will recall everything he ever did wrong, and he will use the B-word in a very angry voice! You'll burst into tears, and put-on your best emotional-performance; as he storms out of the room. You hear the car start, and tires screech!
You'll have another breakup. Until you start feeling jealous and scared he's out there with some other woman. He might be, but then he drives by your house to see if your car is gone, or if there's some unfamiliar-vehicle parked near where you live. Otherwise, you might cool-off and start an on-and-off cycle of break-up and make up. It goes on for years until gravity gets the better of your body, lines appear, and you realize you've wasted your best years. Then he finally says, this is it, and leaves. Within six months he's engaged. You're back here at DC!
My advice, sweetheart. Let yourself agonize through cold-turkey withdrawal for awhile; until all his poison is out of your system. I think he has had enough of dealing with your "love;" and it's too toxic to digest.
Let this be it, and just undergo the rollercoaster of emotions necessary to detach. It's time to move on. You gave it your best try, now it is time to get-on with your life!
Ex-boyfriends (or girlfriends) belong filed away in a memory-folder. You need to go work on whatever you did that made him "hesitant;" so it's not the recurrent problem when you find "someone better"...and different!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2021): Yes, of course it is possible. There are many people who have rekindled relationships with an ex and lived happily ever after. There isn't a one size fits all answer. Yes, there are always other people out there but sometimes after dating these other people, we realize that the one that got away was actually the right one or the one we really loved, only we took them for granted or let them go too quickly. And that we weren't happy with anyone else. People are unique and special and cannot be replaced THAT easily. And if you can replace someone easily then you never loved them or you are a very detached person emotionally. You could find a temporary distraction but in the end, that distraction won't measure up to the one you lost.I think that if you love a person enough, things can sometimes be worked out. Maybe you did not try hard enough the first time, maybe you had your own issues you never dealt with and brought them into the relationship, setting it up for failure. Maybe you grew up. Maybe some time away helped you see things clearly. Maybe you both needed space. There are all sorts of scenarios. Each situation is unique.I think people may break up and regret it later. Who hasn't ever regretted a decision they made? Maybe it felt right at the moment but a month or two later, it no longer feels right. And you realize you made a mistake.People break up and then don't talk because of pride and ego. Is it worth losing the one person who meant that much to you over childish behavior? I think that if you really want to work something out, made a mistake or feel you have grown and maybe hope the other person has too, you can always swallow your pride and reach out, talk it out. You might be rejected. But isn't it better than losing that person for good, and even worse, seeing a big smile on their face, put there by another person, when it used to be YOU who made them smile THAT way? And you will regret you never took the chance when you had it? It really is a window of opportunity.Call me a hopeless romantic. But as much as you think there are billions of others in the world, I don't think it is that easy to find a connection with the RIGHT one. And many people learn the grass is not always greener... and wish for what used to be.Just a different perspective.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2021): It really depends on how he feels. If he wants you as much as you do him then why not of course it can work, but if he is not attracted to you and doesn't want to continued seeing you then there is nothing you can do about it. Sorry to say this but it seems to me like it is the latter. This happens all the time in dating. You date someone then you either decide to continue or terminate if you find the other party not being what you want.I would say get over it there is plenty other fish in the sea.
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (5 February 2021):
 Fixing Relationships is like fixing a broken cup.You can glue it together but the cracks are still gonna be there. To accept if things will ever be okay again. It really depends on the reason of the breakup. Why? How serious wad it? Did it cause I repairable trust damage, because just now that of you too ever get back together you can never hold over his head the previous breakup because gettong back together has shown you forgiven it.Getting cold feet and doubts on forever is one thing. But if you elaborate on your situation on why you too split its gonna give us a more accurate view on the scenario too. Just note that its generally a bad idea because the damage is already been done and why fix up an old broken one when theres perfectly new and healthy relationships to be made. Take a few steps back...check if what your fighting for is the person (your ex) or just the relationship youve built together. Foundations of Love, Trust, and Respect is the cornerstone of a good relationship and try and check if there really was something there. Do some soul searching, and go out and be yourself.When in a relationship we usually get caught up in the romance and the routine that most of the times its that specific aspect of love that we miss and not the person. You will find all those things again, it wont ever be the same but you will.In short, yes exes come around and things can get better. But like the broken cup its up to you to accept its flaws and if you will be ever truly happy to live with those cracks. I wish you well. Choose love,choose to love yourself and a little advice dont stay hopeful... Deal with the emotions of loss and finality first. If you stay hopeful and keep that hes coming back mindset.... Time is gonna feel paralyzing amd the process is gonna hurt... A lot. Life is a circle everything comes around. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2021): I would say that it's over for good but he just didn't want to totally disappoint you in case you shed tears of sorrow!Now while you pine for him he is moving on!I think it would be best if you closed the door on your future together and moved on also.There is nothing quite like a new romance to completely obliterate the old romance!Then you discover that someone else can keep you company and make you laugh.Someone else can be willing to create a family And endeavour to work with you towards happiness.Usually another person is already involved or on the sidelines.That's why you get the kindhearted breakup lines.So that they don't feel guilty.Because like it or not the same problems recur if you just repeat the experience.And relationship renewal can become an all out war over who is the worst partner.They tell their family and friends horrible things about you and you never have a decent standing in their eyes, no matter what you do.You need to be the best thing ever or you are doomed to be forlorn as drama after drama unfolds.But with a new partner you can pace yourself better and aim towards happiness rather than acceptance.And you may find a much more compatible match.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2021):
 I think it all depends on why you broke up.
If that is an issue that can't or hasn't be resolved it's not likely that you will make a healthy go at it in the future.
When people END relationship is it USUALLY because things don't work. It can be difference in values, morals, norm, communication, interpersonal relationships, sometimes even politic and religion. Those are CORE to the person. Those don't change completely or overnight. If at all.
The bumps you has were so minor, why did you break up?
Were the SO many of these "minor bumps"?
In general I'd say going back to an ex is a bad idea, you can't unring a bell or unscramble an egg. You can't have a "clean slate" with someone you already have a past with, try as you might. You already have some history together.
I think you could be wasting your time WAITING for him to decide if he wants another go with you.
And let's say you get back together, this could turn into a on/off relationship wasting BOTH your time for a long time.
If you can find ONE good man, don't you think you can find another? He isn't the only fish in the sea, you know?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (5 February 2021):
 Not sure how long the both of you have been apart, or why you both parted ways.
We don't know about his situation now, or if he is in another relationship, or even married.
I know you say it would be healthier and more successful down the line, but we don't know whether or not he would share this view.
Personally I would go with it never worked out the first time, so the chances are its not going to a second time around and would be inclined to move on with my life.
That's just what I would do, but from reading your post you are not going to do this. So I will say that all you can do is find out some information regarding his current situation and if he is indeed even available.
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