A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy who likes me a lot and have for years. He's very sweet to me and would make a great boyfriend, which is what i really want. The problem is that im not attracted to him at all. I still have very strong feelings for the guy I lost my virginity to. He didnt want to date me and only used me for sex. I dont know why I like him so much, but I just do and I dont find any other guy attractive. I really want to like this other guy because he is such a good person but I dont see him as anything more than a friend. Is there anything I can do to change that?
View related questions:
lost my virginity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): hi! I'm having the same problem right now! There's this guy whose liked me for about 3 years and he is so sweet. I find it hard to think of him as anything but a friend but I have been trying!!! What I try to do is think about us in a romantic situation or date. Thinking about him as something other than a friend helps make it easier to start to like him. Good luck!!!
A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 How many times did u see him... maybe u didnt give him enough chances... somtimes it takes time to fall in love...
But beware, if he "sweeps u off ure feets" too fast... he might be a commitment phobe. Check previous relationship history...
U can get attached to him if u want... in a lust type relationship... by having lots of sex... but that will not be real, deep, unselfish love...
That deep real love... I dont think it can be artificially provoked... but what do i know...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Some said"absence makes heart grow founder".
Why don't you take a break from this guy and go out having fun. Stop being obsessive with the idea of "to love or not to love?".
If you miss him terriblely later after his absence, then ,there you go!
If not, then, don't think too much! Just let it be!
...............................
A
female
reader, rose_red  +, writes (27 July 2008):
Nothing
If you don't feel a attraction to someone then it will never work relationship wise.
I have a really nice guy friend but i do not feel any attraction/connection between us either
keep him as a good friend. you can always turn to him when you need advice :)
just go out and have fun for now, and you will meet the right guy for you =)
...............................
A
female
reader, AskSusie  +, writes (27 July 2008):
Yes, it is definitely possible to fall inlove with someone you currently don't love. It's happened to me numerous times.
How does it happen?
Well you spend time with them. A little bit every day or second day. You talk to them often on the phone and share your secrets with them.
Unfortunately - and I don't condone this - when it happened to me on three seperate occasions, it happened because I slept with the guys, without actually meaning to or wanting to. I remember while I was sleeping with them I would think 'why am I doing this I'm so not attracted to them'. Somehow sex has this bond that connects two people even though one of those people just doesn't want it to happen.
So, there it is anonymous. Goodluck with your situation.
Regards,
AskSusie
...............................
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (27 July 2008):
 Not right now. You like this other jerk because, well he's a jerk. The fact that he is a jerk turns you on because the thought of taming a bad boy is attractive. You are not in to this nice guy because there is no challange in that, no fun. Seems boring. To answer your question, yes, it is possible, to let someone grow on you, but it isnt fair for him. After you have been screwed over by a few jerks, and you realize that bad boys suck, and eventually grow up to be sad, lonely men, you will think of this nice guy and look him up, only to find out that has a beautiful wife, and children and has done very well for himself. It's just the fact of life. All the bad boys I knew in school are now lonely, contracted an STD, are complete losers, or now have very mean, controlling wives. SERIOUSLY, I'm not lying here. But it is something you will discover later in life. Don't force yourself to like him though. You will be unhappy and wonder if you and the jerk could have been something one day.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 July 2008):
Nope. If you're not attracted to someone--you're just not. I went out with a guy before that I didn't find very attractive because he was a good guy, so I thought that maybe he would become more attractive to me once I got to know him more. But the thought of kissing him or even having sex with him was just not something I would want to do. I know to some people it seems "shallow" but you just can't help it if you're not attracted to someone. Plus, you don't want to lead the poor guy on to think that he has a chance when he really doesn't.
...............................
A
male
reader, sjwcool +, writes (27 July 2008):
 1st the guy who used you is a jerk personally I think he's lower than scumm esp. if he's experienced that is one of the 3rd worst things someone can do. (1 is rape 2 is murder)
if you want to change who you like start with what you like about him really look at those qualities. then what do you have in common? just spend time with him and the more you experience what you like about him you will eventualy forget about scumm sucker boy and like the other guy much more
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): I feel that you haven't moved on. You know he used you for sex and you will not have future with him.
It will be unfair for the other guy. He treats you nicely, why won't you try to accept him? It is for you and his future.
If you can't really move on, you should let him know. Stop wasting time in a relationship that you know it won't have a future
...............................
|
