A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to love two people at once? Are you a bad person if you see things in people that you are attracted to, that connect you to them? My story, I guess I've always loved this guy that I met when I was 16. It seems like time has never been on our side though. A lot of times, it seems as though fate brings us together, we're meant for each other, but things keep us apart. I'm going to school 8 hours from him, and he's really in no position to move at the moment. I've had 6 years to think about him and I. I know what I feel for him. Theres this other guy. We were in a serious relationship two years ago, but we broke up after a year. We've kept in touch, but we haven't gotten back together. He talks about getting back together all the time, moving in together, starting a life together, but I can't. All the things he proposes, I want with the first guy. But I do love this guy. He's my best friend. I miss all that we used to have, but we have issues between us that we can't seem to work out. We fight constantly and we don't trust each other, in a relationship. As friends, we get along great. I don't want to lose him from my life but i feel like the only reason we still talk is because he thinks that eventually we will get back together.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I guess it depends from your definition of love.
For instance , as for myself, I could not call love what you've got with the second guy. You say you don't trust each other, and what love it is without trust ? Also fighting "all the time " Even people who love each other fight occasionally- I guess man is just a conflictual animal- but not very often. Because when it is real love you are able to look for what unites you more than what divides you, you can let go of ego trips, of oneupmanship , of " I am right, you are wrong ". If you have a problem, you are much more interested in coming up with a shared solution, than in asserting your point of view. Which does not eliminate conflictuality, but it keeps it reasonably low.
Ditto for the first guy. How do know you it's love. Love it's something real, tangible, it's what you do and see and experience in daily life. Circumstances have denied you the possibility of that- so it's very possible that your love is mostly a mental thing, a projection of your hopes and desires. Sure ,if you had had the possibility of being together, perhaps you'd have found out he was the one for you. Which does not change my opinion. It is what it is ; stay with what it is now. Love is reality, not just a possibility.
So, in my personal opinion , you don't "love " two different guys. You are infatuated / attracted / intrigued / stimulated by two different guys, which is not strange at all. One is generally attracted to some character/personality traits and reacts strongly whenever comes across them.
But, calling that love, I doubt it is the right word.
A
female
reader, maddison  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I completely believe it is possible to love two people, as i have been there myself. The only thing you can do is be honest. Be honest with yourself first and decide how you love each of these men, is one everything you want and you would do anything for and the other just a best friend and you honestly never see anything happening and if it were to happen would you always see him as second best, once you've decided then be honest with them. There are many kinds of love and on many levels and there is nothing wrong with loving more than one person so long as you understand the way you feel, have no regrets and are open and honest.
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A
female
reader, maddison +, writes (20 January 2011):
I completely believe it is possible to love two people, as i have been there myself. The only thing you can do is be honest. Be honest with yourself first and decide how you love each of these men, is one everything you want and you would do anything for and the other just a best friend and you honestly never see anything happening and if it were to happen would you always see him as second best, once you've decided then be honest with them. There are many kinds of love and on many levels and there is nothing wrong with loving more than one person so long as you understand the way you feel, have no regrets and are open and honest.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/truth-about-loving-two-men.html
I always thought it was impossible, but I'm a bit more open minded now... just because I haven't been in that position, doesn't mean people aren't struggling with the same problem you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): You can't have it both ways. Stop lying around pitying yourself and start dating. Forget about the one that's been stringing you along and has no intention to follow through and as far as the other dude let him go since all you're doing is using him to fill the void that you can't have. leave both of them alone. Put yourself on the market to find a man.
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