A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Over the summer, I had a fling that was purely lustful. I went in not wanting anything. I told him I would be starting school in Sept and moving. I could tell he didn't want me to move.The relationship was great for what it was. It seemed like he was more into me. I would be distant sometimes because I didn't want him to think I wanted more.Things started to change a few weeks after when I thought he might want me to be his girlfriend. I started rethinking our relationship. I started thinking that maybe I would want to be with him too. So I started giving in a little (although I did remain distant to some aspect) and I started to get nervous he would leave me. After about 2 months of seeing him, he told me he had began talking to his ex again in the last week. I was upset and I stopped talking to him. I would avoid places where he would be.Until I ran into him again. He would come up to me each time we were in the same room. He still kept texting me and still texts me to this day. I would ask him about his ex (if he was still seeing her) during different conversations and he said they weren't together. He said that he was confused when they started talking and didn't think it was right to be seeing the both of us. He didn't want to hurt me. He was confused and realized that he never wanted to be with her and seeing her again proved that.I told him that I understand but I can't be with someone who leaves me for their ex. I told him that I think he doesn't know what he wants.So he still texts me to this day and the thing is: I miss our sexual chemistry. I still don't want a boyfriend but I do want what we had in the summer. He always asks to hangout. Is it possible to have no strings attached again with him?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 November 2009):
He's using you. This has everything wrong with it. First of all, he's seeing his ex and you, so he's using both of you. Secondly, you started to have feelings for him, which means that if you try just having sex with him, you'll fall for him and end up very hurt. He won't change. I think you'd be far better leaving him out of your life and moving on to find someone who does care about you. Don't be a toy.
A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Only he would be able to give you the answer you seek in regards to whether a no-strings relationship would be okay with him! He sounds like he wants more though, which is admirable (usually it's guys who are more okay with 'friends with benefits' than girls!) but you say you don't want this (or at the very least unsure whether you want this or not). All I can really suggest is talking to him, preferably face to face, as words in a text are taken verbatim (as you have no idea the tone in which things are said) and get your point across. You are happy with the way things were, no strings, he seems to want more and you don't, tell him this, be straight up and honest and at least you'll have an answer and hours less speculation!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Nope!The die is cast. When you gave him the "distance treatment" he decided to see his ex again. Then you didn't like it and cut him off. Then after you got what you wanted (him coming back to you) then you told him he doesn't know what he wants.So you cant have your cake and eat it too. There is no way in hell you will have a no strings attached relationship with this guy ever again.Give it up and move on.
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