A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I avoid being nice towards women? I've had relationships but they always end in me getting dumped. My best friend says its because im too nice. what does he mean?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): nice is boring!!!
It puts me off a guy when you think you can have him under control and under your thumb! its no fun...wheres the edge?the excitment! he needs to keep you on your toes a bit....but if your not naturally like that thats fine, you need to find someone just like you...nice!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): read up on assertiveness, i think this is what youre lacking.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (31 January 2008):
Dude i've always been asking myself the same question and there are only two reason/responses i can give:
1.Be nice but don't be too nice.Do things to hurt them at times.It keeps them alert and curious and interested.
2.You just picked the wrong girls.My last ex actually told me i'm da sweetest guy she's ever been with and my next gf will be the luckiest but wondered why she left me.It's because she's so WRONG for me.
Keep da faith.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (31 January 2008):
 yup you can be too nice. Girls like their men to be strong and to stand their ground. Not arguementative or stubborn but to stand up for what they believe in and not let themselves be walked all over. A nice guy is great but its hard to respect someone who lets people walk all over him so sometimes you gotta be a bit strong and say no regardless of if it pisses people off.
Girls do not like jerks. period. men are wrong when they think that. what we DO like is a man who is a little bit unpredictable. and we tend to like what we cant have. so if we're being strung along just a little and teased a little we're hooked. if we're being treated like sh*t and disrespected we're history.
its a fine line.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): Just listen to girls actions instead of their words.
Do the nice guys constantly have girls after them for no valid reason at all?
Do the jerks?
Case closed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): Let's define nice here first, if you mean that you treat women with respect and are an honest guy then fine. But if you mean that you tend to roll over and not stand up for yourself, your woman, or any principle, then that could be your problem. The most self-respecting woman doesn't want a "nice" guy, they want a man who treats them with respect...NOT someone who is so nice that he doesn't stand for anything. Read this article and you'll see what I mean. It's possible that you've confused what "nice" really means, or it may not apply to you at all:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ngc/ngi-1.shtml
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Hi,
You see posts on here ( there's one today actually ) where girls say how much they love their partner despite the fact that they are treated worse than an animal. "treat em mean keep em keen" was a saying made for girls like these.
But fortunately for you, most girls don't like to be treated like dirt, so maybe there is something else in you which is putting the girls off, I agree with the other posters it could be because you let people take advantage of your good nature that puts girls off. If you constantly back down because you don't want to be confrontational that can be a real turn off for girls ( or anyone for that matter )
So take a good look at yourself, do people walk all over you? do you back down all the time?. If the answer is no, then you probably are just meeting the wrong type of girls.You can do something about that, stop dating them!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Daniel said: Being nice is not the problem. Letting people walk over you is.
Frank: BINGO!
-Frank
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A
female
reader, Sams_WonderWoman  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Being nice to women and treating them with respect, I think, is a virtue. Most women love being treated nice and it will pay off big time. It leads to long-lasting relationships, and you will be happy for that.
You will run into women who will take advantange of you being nice. But those are few but there are lots more women who will love you more for being nice as you are. Just don't make them stop you from being nice, ok?
Kudos to you!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 As is often the case, I agree with Frank. Yes, you can be so nice that you will let people walk over you. And that can happen whether you're a man or a woman.
I think you didn't ask the right question. Being nice is not the problem. Letting people walk over you is. Being nice doesn't mean letting people take advantage.
So, your real question is, how can I avoid letting people walk over me? Frank already gave you the answer.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (30 January 2008):
It is possible to be too nice to anyone.
It is based on the idea that you let people take advantage of your good nature because you want them to like you. Also, it means you tolerate certain behaviors from women, that you would not tolerate from anyone, because you happen to feel something for these women. This means you have no real standards.
When a woman senses that you have no backbone to demand to be treated with respect, and do not enforce your boundaries, she assumes you would let ANYONE walk all over you (your boss for example). What kind of a future could she build with you then?
A "nice guy" does not address a woman's emotional needs.
I know. I used to be a nice guy. Now I am a seducer.
Read more in my profile if you need clarification.
-Frank B Kermit, author of From Loser to Seducer
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): troubledtoomuch has put it in words much better than I can do,And He's right.
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A
male
reader, Arkiteck +, writes (30 January 2008):
"A bad woman is never worth your tears, while a good woman will never make you cry."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): No, good women who are worth it will love and be faithful to a man who is nice to them. One who shows them that he cares for them, is considerate of their needs and eventually loves them. However, that doesn't mean that you should be a wimp and just give in to all of her wishes. If you disagree, then stand up for what you want, at least until you can compromise on your wishes. I have normally been very good to my wife, but sometimes I have said mean things to her. Our 28 years together would have been even better if I had never done that, if I had been even nicer to her.
I also would think that you have just probably picked the wrong women, or perhaps ones who are still immature. At their ages, perhaps they just want to date around for a while and not settle on one guy for too long. It may have nothing to do with you. They may just want to experience different people before they consider settling down with one person for a long relationship. Keep being nice. A couple of women in the past loved me for treating them well. Unfortunately, I could only choose one of them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Put as much emphasis on your own needs as your partners. If you mainly consider your partners needs and not your own you will be NICE, but a doormat and no challenge. Women like a challenge, though they won't admit it. Look at Waterloo sunset it took two of the same type before she got it right.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, LethalInjection-x +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Your mate was probably basing that on the old "treat 'em mean keep 'em keen" notion, which is generally not true for most females.. but it has been known to be true.
I think maybe listening to your mate on this could be a bad thing, he could have said this because he may think you have the potential to be competition for him, or maybe he doesn't believe in treating women that nicely..
I don't think there is such a thing as TOO nice, but hey I could be wrong.
I agree with the other response to this, you've picked the wrong girl for you previously.
Good luck :)
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): You've got me there! My first was a wife beater and second was a bloody nut case. My third, and last is my husband for life and he is absolutely gorgeous. He probably can be described as nice, but dont let anyone hear that, but i want him forever, never mind dumping him. Sorry, but you have been unlucky and picked two very wrong people for you. Hope you have better luck in the future, but please do not change, nice is good.
take care
xx
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