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Is it possible to be in a relationship when I know he's having sex with other women as his job?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2011) 11 Answers - (Newest, 17 September 2011)
A age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and i have been together for 1 year and we love each other. i tried to hook up with him then because friends told me he was trying to get into the porn business so i thought he would be big. he is, trust me. he did not get an offer from any porn industries.

however, we are now a year on and a company have offered him a job as a pornstar. he always said he was never serious, so i expected him to say no. but he has accepted the offer. i told him if he went i would split with him

he was really shocked. he says that its possible to still have a relationship. he also says that he wont be having sex in the same way with these girls.

i am very confused.

is it possible to be in a relationship when i know hes having sex with other women as his job? am i overreacting or is he living in a dream world? also can i trust him as he said nothing about accepting?

i realy need help and would appreciate any xomments

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A female reader, hot4shoes United States +, writes (17 September 2011):

hot4shoes agony auntGood for you....don't look back either. He wants his cake and eat it too. No thanks buddy.....you ain't eating this cake!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have split up with him. I went to his 2nd scene and he didnt know i was there. He dug himself a whole a jumped in it basically.

Firstly he didnt use a condom on this scene unlike he promised. Then the actual scene. Im so stupid for not breaking up with him. After they finished he and the porn actress started to kiss off camera. He was already finished but these words made me take more action, "youre so much better than my girlfriend". So i confronted him and punched him. he is now missing a tooth. i hate that man. i should have listened to you guys.

thanks any way

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A female reader, hot4shoes United States +, writes (10 September 2011):

hot4shoes agony auntTell him that you too want to be a porn star and ask for his help in finding you work. I'm quite certain that it would be much easier for you to find "work" in the industry and that you could make more money than him. I bet that he would say no, thereby revealing his double standard and his real motivation, If that's the case, drop him like a used condom and move on sister!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (10 September 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt Are you really sure about that ?... The Adult Industry Medical Health Foundation in San Fernando Valley ( where most of these movies are made ) monitored the health of porn workers for about ten years, it came out that porn actors get chlamydia and ghonorrea seven times more than other people.

The use of condoms, apparently ,is neither mandatory by law, nor anyway enforced , or even suggested. Porn movie producers, in fact, actively discourage it because it seems the sales of movies where actors use condoms are much,much lower than the condomless ones.

Watch out, and good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

we are going to give it a go. i've researched many pornstars online who have husbands and wifes. in one case a woman is a pornstar and her husband is a camera man for porn and has even filmed her. i do love him very much and it is his job. he also told me 90% of his scenes will be done with a condom on so...

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (12 August 2011):

RedAthena agony auntSounds like a relationship dealbreaker.

While he would get tested regularly, he would be doing porns without condoms, right?

Did you want to be the one to spin the STD wheel and hope you do not catch anything he brought home with him?

You got together with him because he was big and trying to get onto the porn scene. The two of you never dicussed monagamy if you got into a relationship?

If you are not comfortable with it, speak up and let him make a choice. No ultimatums, but if this is what he wants to do for a living, where ARE the acceptable boundaries in your relationship?

Time to talk with him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011):

yes it is possible to be in a relationship with him whilst he is sleeping with other woman , get him to tell you his storys about this and it will turn you on and spice up your sex life so much x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011):

I would never be in a relationship with a porn actor. I think of them as lower class of human beings because they have no sense of shame.

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A female reader, sammy1986 United Kingdom +, writes (12 August 2011):

i personally would break up with him could you honestly settle when he goes off to work having sex with other women while you are in a relationship with him believe me i couldnt do it thats my personal opinion only you can really answer this could you trust him not to cheat on you with any of these pornstars out of work that is the question?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011):

well to start, i can imagine it would be very very hard for you if you did decide to let your man carry out this job, you would be paranoyed and if it was me, i would wonder if he enjoyed sex etc more with them than me, if other women were more attractive than me and if he had second thoughts on our relationship now he has had a taste of having sex with other women.

you would have to trust your man so much so you to be able to do this,if you keep thinking about those things throughout your relationship i can guarentee it will spiral downwards. so the question is down to you, do you trust him enough not to do the any of above? or at the end of the day is he just a normal man?

if he did do this job, and you were fine with it, i can imagine your sex life would spice up quite a bit as he would get new ideas to try out etc.

so it's all down to you, can you trust him with other women at his job but still be faithful to you on the outside?

you will have to be a very confident women to carry this out. good luck, and i hope this has helped a little. it's a hard subject

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A female reader, VSAddict United States +, writes (12 August 2011):

VSAddict agony auntIt isn't possible to be in a relationship like this if either one of you aren't comfortable with what he's doing. Of course any woman wouldn't want their man doing this unless they were in an open relationship, but that's not what you want. Sex is sex, no matter who it's with, and it should only be with one person if you plan to be in a committed relationship. This is something he really wants, and this is something you can't accept, so unless he happens to turn down the job, then you should find someone else.

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