A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a new girlfriend and she is great. She is beautiful, funny, cool and I am really proud to introduce her to my friends and family as my new girl. I have literally never dated a girl I feel such a strong connection with. Everything should be perfect.Unfortunately, thus far I have been unable to have sex with her, in the six weeks or so we have been together, despite many opportunities. I have been unable to get anything but the most feeble of erections and this fades before I have time to do anything. This is for any one of a combination of reasons;I have managed to reach my late 20s without having had sex with anyone yet. I feel nervous and unprepared, when she tells me she wants me to f**k her hard I feel pressurized and unworthy. I have told her I am inexperienced, but not that she would be my first. I worried early on that she would not be interested if I told her the truth, so now I am unable to back down.I have only really ever been properly aroused by substantially overweight girls. My new girlfriend is very slightly chubby, but only a fraction of the size of the girls I look at pictures of and fantasize over. Whether this is a fetish or a preference, I have never been sure, but I know that my new gf simply doesn't arouse me in the same way as fat girls I have seen. I have not told her this as she would not fully understand, I feel.What do you think my problem is, is it that she just doesn't physically turn me on, or is it nerves and/or inexperience. Is it possible to be aroused by a girl who you simply don't see the sex appeal of?I need an answer as she's getting upset by the rejection and feeble excuses I make. Though she is willing to stick with me, I too am getting upset and frustrated with myself.Should I end it, or persist? And if the latter, what tips would you give for learning to pleasure her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Sounds like a case of nerves. I agree with the aunt who said to take Viagra or Cialis to make sure you maintain an erection the first few times having sex.
A
male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (9 October 2009):
I think you feel more comfortable with heavier women because you feel it takes the pressure off, you don't feel like they will judge you harshly because they're lucky to have you. It puts you in control and makes you forget your insecurities at starting sex late. Actually, once you get past the intital insecurity, you'll probably have a fine sex life with this girl. Your just having trouble working through your anxieties. I think temporarily taking cialis or viagra will "get you over the hump" build your confidence and solve your problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): You should be honest and tell her you've never had sex. As a girl i would find that a huge turn on. It's a special thing and she will be happy not upset. Just tell her you were nervous about telling the truth but you care about her and want her to know the truth. I'm sure that your "problem" has to do with over stressing about performing to her standard and pressuring yourself. Once you talk to her and she knows you have no experience it should go away. I'm betting that you could be sexually attracted to her if you were fully open with her and focus on what you do love about her body maybe she has nice boobs or a nice ass, maybe it's her legs, whatever it is focus on that and it might help you find her more sexually appealing.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 "I feel pressurized and unworthy". That's your problem.
I say, persist in trying to have sex. Some people hold it to have some rewards, you know?
Tell her you've never had anyone, and I have the feeling that she will feel like remedying such a situation.
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