A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible that there actually isn't anyone out there for you? I can't imagine finding anyone who suits my needs, I rarely see anyone who I would like to date. There must come a time when you finally meet someone who is trustworthy and isn't strange, I feel like there's too many dirty men out there (in a bad way) I'm a fan of loyalty and I feel that's not what I'm going to get. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 September 2016):
 I think it comes down to your own ability to love someone and feel connected to someone. There's no other way to explain it, some people fall in love fast, and some never do. Some commit easily, and some don't. This is all about the persons ability to either fall in love, or commit, or whatever you choose to call it. It's got far less to do with "perfect match" or "mr. right" etc.
I recently became single again, and have gone on dates, and men keep asking me how long I've been single. First date topic of the year, apparently. And that had me thinking about it, and I've never been single for more than 4-5 months ever since I started having relationships! I doubt this is because of lucky chances and meeting mr.rights everywhere. It's got far more to do with my ability to see great things in almost everyone, and my ability to fall in love at the drop of a hat.
I don't believe there is someone like "the one" out there. It's about compatibility to some extent, but also it's about compromise. If you have a great ability to compromise, you get long lasting relationships. I don't have such a great ability to compromise, so I get several shorter relationships.
So my guess is that you aren't finding someone, because you aren't able/don't have the ability to see the good things in people that fast, and that you aren't the type who falls in love easily. Not because of a lack in good men around you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 September 2016):
 There aren't someone who is a perfect match out there for everyone. Maybe not even for anyone.
You will meet a lot of people and depending on YOU, a small or large amount will attract you and a smaller amount will be someone you can see yourself date.
Out of the 4 guys I have dated (including my husband), only one was an instant mutual attraction and as it turned out to not BE the guy I would end up with.
If you expect to find and meet a "male" counterpart, who is JUST like you and ride off into the sunset, that probably won't happen. Life does imitate art, but you should be living life not imitating a movie or book if you know what I mean.
If you DO meet someone that IS a good match, hopefully, you can both learn to compromise and build a life together. And then there is the last group, those who are JUST fine being by themselves.
In today's society, we all have SO many more options for mates, because geographically distances don't play into dating as much as it used to. It does play into how SERIOUS the relationship can become, as people can fall in love with a person on the Internet who lives 1/2 a World away, but they DO NOT want to relocate, etc.
So in short, it depends ON you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2016): I'm just worried about having tell people about my past. Six failed relationships is quite chaotic.
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A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus +, writes (25 September 2016):
 people aren't created specifically to fit with other people like a lego piece. Relationships take compromise and a lot of work because you have to change and adapt. they are more like play-doo ( following the toy analogy ).
you have to mold yourself and learn when to pick your battles, in some instances you have to agree that your partner's needs tramp yours and vice versa. Sometimes you have to impose yourself and argue your position and more often than not you realise that the fight isn't even worth it and you agree to meet each other halfway.
The idea that you meet someone that is everything you ever wanted is very very unlikely.
It is fine you are not interested in dating most people, eventually you'll meet someone that you do feel is worth sacrificing and compromising for that's the person you stick to and shouldn't let off.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (25 September 2016):
“There’s some-one out there for everyone.” IT’s a silly saying, because it encourages people to date with their absolute ideal in mind. I wonder if you’re doing just that. Where are you looking? In certain spaces, such as online dating apps, the dirty men will use those platforms and so you’ll have to do a bit of sifting and filtering. But in general, there are not huge numbers of men seeking something substantively different from what the women seek: a committed relationship.
And what’s this about wanting some-one who isn’t “strange?” What is making so many people sound strange? I wonder if you are actually giving them a chance or disregarding them too quickly because you judge them against an ideal; an ideal could be based on a hypothetical Mr Right, some-one you know or an ex that you’re not over. Whatever the case, give people time: form friendships, keep focussed on getting to know people slowly and not getting ahead of yourself and rushing to extreme conclusions about your prospects when it doesn’t work out.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2016): The purpose of dating and socializing is to meet people and sort out personality-types that are compatible with our own. You have to make friends, and love yourself as well.
If you are successful in these areas, good men find their way to you. Sometimes through a friend.
Pessimism often leads to self-fulfilling prophecy. If you feel you'll never meet anyone suitable, you probably won't. Because you're first of all setting a standard for perfection; and forming judgements of men as a group by the few bad apples you've met. With no accounting for your choices and taste.
Being human, you may have a few flaws of your own that some great guy may find objectionable. That's just the way it goes. Having a negative perception of men as a whole is the reason you've found no one at all. We see through that kind of attitude, and it triggers the fight or flee instinct. Negative opinions are often reflected through our attitude and general demeanor. Your disposition is your inside showing on the outside. Even exceptional beauty can't hide an ugly soul.
It takes time and selection to find a good match. It isn't easy. Just because you have a few bad experiences you can't assume that's it and give-up. You keep trying; because like treasure, good men are hard to find. You also have to look at your own personality; and determine why you haven't met the right guy, or why men turn sour on you.
You always have to watch your attitude, project a positive vibe, and make yourself visible.
Sometimes destiny, divine intervention, and fate delays our blessings until we are worthy of them; and capable of handling them once they're received.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (25 September 2016):
 When you come to a stage in your life where you are totally content with yourself, and realise that you don't actually need someone, that'll be the magic moment when a trustworthy and loyal man will appear in your life . Someone who will not be strange at all. There are lots of wonderful men in the world, you just haven't met the right ones, yet! Xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2016): I know how you feel, I'm older than you but single and had little luck dating. There are nice people out there but at times it's hard to find them though all the non genuine ones.
I believe that it would have to be a special person for me, as many people don't take to me, and I don't trust easily either.
but.. I do believe there is someone out there for as all, sometimes we have to rethink what it is we want in a person, loyalty is essential to me too.
Sometimes we need to lessen our list of other "must haves" to meet them. but agree, yes, even then some of us find it harder to meet them. Do not give up, don't settle for the dirty ones but don't give up either..give people a chance too.
Good luck you to you.
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