A
female
age
36-40,
*a petite belle
writes:Hello, Big question, I went through the most painful breakup of my life last year, it took me almost 12 months to stop crying on a semi-daily/monthly basis for him. I must admit I still cry for him once in a while but I now have a boyfriend and although I am happy with him in some sort of way I still miss my ex and I have now understood teh fact that he has a girlfriend (although his status on facebook says single BUT all his friends do this, they are in relationships and they mutually with their girlfriends agree to not add potential drama to their lives with facebook status, so I can see why he has chosen to remain "single" though she doesn't seem to be that involved in his facebook... so I'm questioning whether they are even dating though she’s befriends his entire family which to me it seems like a sign she’s his girlfriend and she has pictures with his family at his cousin's 9th birthday but why would he say that he missed my kisses and my body and the way I looked at him?Anyways, so after much hesitating and much talking ot myself about his girlfriend and how he was never going to come back I unblocked him on facebook and added him as a friend and wrote him a sincere message about how happy I was (I am sincerely happy for him!) he was doing bigger, better things and I complimented him on his girlfriend (she’s perfect!) and I told him tha the message was strictly on a friendly basis, he finally replied a week after I requested to be friends and on his first message he said “My little melon (he used to call me that because it is his favorite fruit), I have missed you so much, I miss your kisses, I miss your body, I miss the way you used to look at me, all the times we used to spend together, flaquita (he used to call me that too, it means “little skinny girl” ), I wish that someday in the future I can see you face to face and hug you and talk about all the things that happened in our lives, you were a very important part of my life and I will never forget you, you look so pretty in the pictures that you have taken, where are you living so I can go visit you?, yes, we can be friends, you can tell me anything, where are you living so I can go visit you?”I am not sure but how would he explain to his girlfriend about going to visit his ex?, am I reading too much into it???. He mostly didn’t answer my questions about him finishing a 5k, he did tell me that he’s in grad school now and then he said “I see you are very in love… he makes you happy huh?.... I am happy little thing (he used to also call me that)… the last time we had communication was last week and I replied to him “I miss you… more than you can imagine” and he didn’t reply backI miss every single thing that he is describing too… I miss my best friend, I miss his kisses, I miss when we used to make love, I miss him… Do you guys think we could get back together? I am living across the country because I moved to forget him but even with my boyfriend now, my ex still comes up in one way or another! I don’t know if it’s me or I think that he might feel the same?... Regardless of him taking me back or not I am breaking up with my boyfriend because I am not being fair to him (and my current bf doesn’t like me… he has 1 son and I completely accepted that but now another ex girlfriend claims to have a newborn that is HIS baby and he waited to tell me about that til about a week ago and this baby is starting to take time away from us and we don’t even have a lot of time for us because of his 10 yr old son, so anyways, regardless of my ex’s decision I am breaking up with my current bf and I am moving back to my home sate, I am done running away from the pain and need to go back to school but I keep thinking… IS IT POSSIBLE THAT HE STILL LIKES/LOVES ME??? How should I proceed? I miss him and if he gives me the chance I will fix everything I did wrong and I will love him unconditionally, with clean, loving heart, I mean.. I love him with all his flaws and all that makes him, HIM.(and I’d hope he’d fix his mistakes too, don’t want to get ahead but I a willing to work as hard as I can for a healthy, mature relationship… How should I proceed? As of now we’re friends on facebook (which I think is a good start)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 I've been in the position where I fell in love with a man who was married. It was an emotional affair. It got to the point where he wanted to be "just friends" but then wanted to still flirt, communicate, and carry-on as normal. When people have had an intimate/romantic relationship, it pretty much takes a Superman or Superwoman to be "just friends" after the falling out. OP is still "in love" with said boyfriend. What exactly do you think is going to happen, OP? YOU'RE STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM.
You may be the one with superhuman powers that is so much more advanced than the rest of us, but what typically happens is that you have really good intentions of just "being friends", but then little by little you start rationalizing why it's ok to cheat. "He is really still in love with me, he really still likes me, he misses my body, etc".
OP, if he missed you THAT MUCH, he would DITCH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND BE WITH YOU. This isn't that hard. OP, you are already going on and on about how you will make everything wrong go right and do anything it takes to make the relationship work. If he felt the same, he would be leaving his girlfriend to be with you. However, his is playing you on the side. If he was on the up-and-up, he would have talked to you without any romantic/sexual notions as "just a friend", but we have already learned that MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD ROMANTIC FEELINGS CAN NOT GO ON INDEFINITELY BEING FRIENDS. Someone always expects more. Even though you imply that you are keeping things on a higher level, your words tell a different story as you are already imagining the new and improved relationship.
With all of that said, if he REALLY still wanted you and your body, he would leave his girlfriend. If he was really that much IN LOVE with you, he would leave his girlfriend. As of right now, I'm assuming he's still with his girlfriend, but still trying to groom and gear you up for some sexcapades.
As others have said, we'd be very careful. We've had experience in these situations and they can become emotionally messy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): I like to share my significant others just about as much as the next person.
I don't think either of us are living in a non-reality world. I've just been in her shoes before and I know that sometimes, people just love each other and can't move on. Do I think its unfair to each of their significant others for them to each feel that way and express it to one another behind their backs? Yeah. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. But I don't think that signifies he will cheat on her just because he's talking to her like that. Just the same as I don't think she will cheat on him if she gets him back just because she is talking to him like that. I think they are both just hung up on each other and still love each other.
I do, however, agree with you, bondgirl. Both parties should be single before going any further.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 You are being patronized.
You are being kept groomed and ready in case.. in case his situation changes and he suddenly needs an outlet....
"I miss your kisses and I miss your body" means he misses the physical encounters with you. He's being honest. He didn't actually say "I miss YOU."
He's playing that very clever game that some guys manage to learn. He keeps you sweet and wanting him but promises nothing more than.... "I miss your body."
RUN!!! Seriously, run.
He's a mess. He's going to make you a mess.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (24 July 2012):
I think Anon needs to look at this realistically. He may be calling you pet names and saying he misses your body, may miss you like crazy, he may still be in love with, and on and on. BUT, HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND and I believe he has crossed the line already by telling you intimate things (ie--above comment) while being attached to someone else. Not a good situation. Unless he completely breaks it off with her, I would have nothing to do with him. Once again, that is if I was in the situation. I do not like to share my boyfriends with other women, perhaps you and Anon do.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (24 July 2012):
You didn't trust each other when you broke up. Now he is flirting with you and has a girlfriend. Has much changed? I don't think he is much to be trusted now either. For me personally, I would not try to be friends as you are still enamored with him and will fall for him even if he isn't broken up from his girlfriend. Trust me, you do not want to be involved in a mess like that.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 Yes I agree with you that if I found messages like that and it was my boyfriend that was writing them then you are right I would not be happy about them, certainly not as it is quite disrespectful to his girlfriend. But you have gave us some more insight as to why you broke up in the first place so lets look at them factors. 1) You both never trusted each other. Obviously there was some reasons behind this. Do you honestly believe that you could trust him now? There needs to be trust in a relationship in order for it to work, and you just cannot force yourself to trust someone no matter how much you love them. 2) Well as for being immature, this is quite common in relationships when both parties are young, and yes this can be worked on if you both have grown and decided that you both want to be with each other, but again it won't be easy considering your past relationship. 3)This reason is the one that alarms me the most, obviously there was something about these camping pictures that alarmed you, and now this girl is his current girlfriend. Do you believe he cheated on you? Did he lie to you about where he was? If he did do you honestly feel you could be in a relationship again with him and fully trust him? These are all things you need to think about, I am not trying to be negative, just realistic, you have cried for a year for this man, I do not want to see you getting hurt again.
You say he called you pretty back then and now you have lost weight, good for you but this does not mean that he will want you back as his girlfriend for these reasons. My guess is though that you are not going to let this go, so I guess you should just be honest with him and tell him how you feel and see what he has to say. But please think about things carefully, I really don't want to see you hurt.
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A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (24 July 2012):
la petite belle is verified as being by the original poster of the question Also, because i genuily love him and he seems happy I won't do anything. I will keep him as a friend, I am done running form the pain so I feel strong enough to return back home and face him and if things be, I can meet her and maybe even befriend her (*swallows*) but I will also keep in mind that I think anyone would be hurt if we were to discover our significant other misses kissing an ex and her body... but I won't do anything, if he responds great Illl just keep the convos neutral if he doesn't well... at least I can have a small piece of him on facebook
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A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (24 July 2012):
la petite belle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your responses, I hate to sound weird (for the lack of a better word) but I agree with the comment form female anon... It got me thinking about the fact that I wouldn't tell any of my other ex-bfs that I miss their kisses or their body(though this particular guy was my first)... I am going to slap myself but honestly, what would your boyfriend/girlfriend think if he/she would see a message to your ex saying that you miss his/her kisses and his/her body?... I know I'd break up with him because to me that would've signaled I am not enough, I cannot fulfill a couple's most basic actions (kissing and the attraction factor)My first response to his "i miss your kisses and I miss your body" I just changed the topic to keep it neutral but when you are truly in love aren't you completely sold on that person?, I mean I would miss classes and even call in late to work to be with him... I mean even when we were on/off we would have sex on a regular basis sometimes even 3 times and yes, sex is only an act for a guy but he used to tell me how sexy I was back then, and I have lost weight now...To answer all other questions, we broke up because 1)we didn't trust each other and that just killed every major aspect of our relationship and 2)we were immature about our relationship 3)I went cold turkey on him shortly after I discovered pictures of him and his current girlfriend in las Vegas and a few camping trips they had; shortly after this I changed my number, blocked him from facebook, blocked his best friends, blocked his skype and e-mail accounts, literally blocked everything)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): I'm going to have to disagree with the other comments about how he has said nothing in reference to missing you and how you shouldn't get your hopes up. He was calling you pet names from when you were together and actually admittied to missing kissing you and missing your body. I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't say that to someone unless I was missing them on a romantic level. Not to forget to mention he commented on how pretty she looked. All things I would never say if I wasn't feeling a little spark still. Also, people have commented saying he has clearly moved on and has a gf. Well, on the surface, yes, this is true. But the same could be said for you on the surface. You have a boyfriend and appear to be happy. But you still miss him. It's very possible he still feels the same. I don't believe that just because he has a gf, he clearly is over you. love goes much deeper than that. I've had experiences like this in my life where we just couldn't get over one another no matter who we were seeing or where we were in life. We would break up then come back into each others lives over and over for years. I'm not suggesting you should get your hopes up completely just yet, but I would say there is a definite chance. Take it slow. You had said it took him a week to respond to the first message you sent. So maybe he can't get online often. Maybe that's why its been a week since you've last heard from him. I doubt this is the last you'll hear.Play it safe. You don't want to spend another year crying over this guy if it doesn't workout. one day at a time. But I definitely think he misses you romantically.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (24 July 2012):
Like Aunt Honesty, I would like to know why you broke up in the first place. I understand you love the guy and you aren't over him. We've all been there and done this before.
My response back to him would be "If you are still with so-and-so, I do not feel right about seeing you. I still care about you and seeing you would give me false hope of being with you again." Because that is what it will do if you see him again. If things go well...or even if they don't, it will emotionally upset you. You will reminisce and start hoping.
As far as Facebook status, Facebook means absolutely nothing in the real world and you need to start relying on real conversations with people to find out things you want to find out. Most people I know who are Facebook Friends have nothing to do with one another in the real world. It means nothing.
If he is interested in you, and not his girlfriend, tell him that when he has broken up with his girlfriend and he calls you, you will see him if you are still available.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (24 July 2012):
I am not going to tell you to proceed and try and take someone else's boyfriend. Okay so you don't want to be with your boyfriend and you are moving back home, that is fair enough, but it sounds like your ex has moved on and has another girl now. Yes it is okay for him to miss certain things and still be nice to you and be a friend. But there really is nothing from what you write that suggests to me that he wants to be back in a relationship with you again, you have told him you miss him and he has not even replied after a week. Please do not get your hopes up that there is a second chance for you both.
First off you do not say why you both split up in the first place, or who finished the relationship. There is always a reason behind it though, and these issues need to be resolved. Also both parties will want to work hard on getting a relationship back on track, you cannot just go back home and hope to pick up where all was left, it has been a year he has moved on, he is with someone else, you need to accept that. Just because there is not much interaction between them on facebook does not mean that they are not serious, because not everyone likes putting there relationship spread over the internet.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 Hi
When you sent that you missed him he didnt respond. I would say that means he remembers you fondly,with affection and were important to him,hes happy your happy.BUT he has moved on,has found somebody new.
Take him off FB, end your current relationship, move forward with your life. Remember your ex fondly but from a distance
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