A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been really close friends with this guy and we just started going out about a fortnight ago. I was kind of accidentally suggestive last week, meaning just to be playful, but things got slightly too physical and I regret them.My mom knew something was up, and I couldn't stand the thought of having dissapointed her, but I told her anyway. (Btw, it is not as bad as it sounds but I don't want to be crude or uncooth by literally saying it.)I can't stand beind dishonest with her, but now she's convinced he's using me for physical pleasure. I was only reciprocating, though - I haven't told her this, because she didn't ask. He's given me more than I've given him.He isn't a virgin, though. I am. And I've told him that I want to take this slower.So, yesterday, my mom read my texts and searched my phone without asking. I said I was cool with it - now I feel we're sort of even. I feel better without the privacy, and so I told her she can read them whenever she wants.She came to the conclusion that he just wants me for sex, but I don't know...I think that any kind of suspicion will completely screw this relationship up. He doesn't behave like he only wants sex, and I know him better than she does. But, however, i know having an outside opinion can help reveal the truth.Okay, so...How do I know he's genuine? And, also, how can I regain the trust of my mom?Thanxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): I think your mum will be proud of you for being honest with her, regaining her trust will come in time by only if you prove to her you are making better decisions. Everyone knows a mum knows best so take her advice on this guy and just let him go, who is to say next time you are with him he will want to take things further then he already has?
You also need to learn to say no and be strong when it comes to what you are willing to do with people. Don't just reciprocate because someone has done something, of you don't want to do something just say. Having that sort of strength will also make your mum proud of you and be able to trust you again if she knows you are able to be firm in your decisions x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): Hello, in answer to some of your questions, I'm 15. Not as young as the younger end of age-band on the question displays. And you're all completely right.I'm meeting up with him today, parents obviously in the house, and will not do ANYTHING physical whatsoever. If he doesn't like it, he can kick the bucket LOL. Thank you all! x
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (24 July 2012):
I'd say it's too soon for conclusions.You'll have to remember that he was possibly trying out a bit how far you want to go with him and/or he possibly got carried away a bit.This doesn't necessarily mean he only wants you for sex.Just be clear to him you want to take things slow and that you're not ready for sex.If he's serious about you then he will happily wait for you, even if this takes some years.If he makes it a problem then you better end it with him.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (24 July 2012):
 Here's the thing. He's already had sex. You two JUST started dating and already have done sexual things with each other.
Your male friend already has high expectations that you're going to give yourself to him soon since you've already done sexual acts with him. In his mindset, since you've already taken it to a high sexual level, what's the next thing to do that you haven't done already? Have sex.
Yes, you told him that you wanted to take it slow from now on, and he probably nodded in agreement, but that isn't going to last long. He's going to play the sweet, chivalrous gig for a bit, then start pressing the issue in a very subtle manner. If he doesn't get what he wants, he's going to leave.
I have definitely see where your mom is coming from. The both if you just started dating and you've already done sexual things. Yes, you claim that you wanted it and egged him on, but a respectful guy would have not let that happen so fast, so soon. If he was very interested, he would be courting you, getting to know you, the whole nine yards. Your mom is also very worried because you are so young. It is my personal belief that girls should wait until college or near college to start becoming sexual because I think you need a certain level of maturity beforehand. And your mom probably has similar views. Your grandparents might often reference the "good old days." During the good old days, people dating did not kiss on the 1st date. Or the 2nd. Or the third. Weird, huh?
To answer your question, your male friend is genuine if he doesn't pressure you into being sexual. He is genuine if he respects your decision to take it slow and only be sexual if YOU are comfortable and ready.
Gaining trust might take some time, but as long as you abide to her rules, i.e. Curfews, checking it at home, giving up your phone for her to read, she will find that trust again. Just make good, responsible and mature decisions and remember that your mother wants only the best for her daughter and that she is acting this way out of love.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 July 2012):
 to know he's genuine you don't do anything physical with him and you don't give him hope that you will... then if he sticks around you will get a better idea of his intent.
as for mom, just be totally open with her and tell her you want to regain her trust and don't keep secrets from her...
it will take time...
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