A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi there!! A happy new year to everyoneI want to know if anyone has gone through the phase I am going though right now. So it has been over a year I broke up from a bad relationship that was long term. Since my focus is on my career and other plans, I am not dating nor allowing my parents to start looking for a suitable match. I am 24 now and will be 25 this year. I've been feeling a sudden low in my need for any male attention or intimacy. I mean a few years ago I might have wanted sex so bad. I think even if I date somebody I wouldn't feel so much into it as I was before. Actually I don't feel like masturbating also anymore.Is this because I'm mentally channelled to other goals at the moment? or because I'm afraid of falling in a bad relationship? Is it possible I haven't found anyone who could excite me and hence I've lost interest? Frankly, I'm worried if this is because I'm growing old. I may not be as romantic or sexual with my future partner as I was before with my ex? Won't I feel that excitement and rush as before? Was it all the hormones making it seem so dreamlike earlier?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): OP here. Thank you so much all of you! I already feel optimistic ^_^ All of you aunts are right in certain things you pointed out and that's given me better perspective. I can totally relate to what Anonymous 123 said with regard to feeling asexual. I am bitter from the previous relationship, and highly skeptical as Wise owl E said, but at the same time I'm very happy in life and so happy being single and enjoying the non-sexual and non-relationship based aspects of life. That's the whole reason I developed this sudden worry of why I'm so happy being by myself! You know points in life when you start doubting if what you are feeling is normal or unique to yourself. Thanks guys, now I guess I can peacefully pursue my goals without worrying if I'm losing my capability to love..and when the right person comes along the old desires will come alive too!
A
female
reader, clueless8989  +, writes (2 January 2017):
In my opinion, I just think you haven't met someone you liked. That's simply it. I am positive you'll get back the rush of emotions when you really do fall for someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017): It's all of the above and a couple of other things you didn't mention; because you don't want to admit to.
You're bitter, and your ego is hurt. Breaking-up is also a loss. It is often interpreted as failure. The ego doesn't accept failure. Failure means you didn't do something right. Maybe you're weak.
Your ego is bruised, because you've spent all this time and effort to build your self-esteem; and someone rejects you.
Then begins the self-doubt and cynicism. Questioning yourself. "Am I good enough?" "Why wasn't I able to fix my broken relationship?" "If he finds someone else; will she be better than me, and make him happier?"
Yes, perhaps; and maybe no. The fact is, it doesn't matter; because he is no longer in your life, so his life is now irrelevant. You put the power to control your feelings in his hands, and bitterness is the proof. You are passive-aggressively throwing a tantrum and being the little girl who snatches her arm away from her mother who is trying to console her, because the answer is "no." No, that relationship was not the one. There will be others. They may not last forever either. Welcome to life and adulthood.
All you had was that relationship. You lost yourself in it; centered your life around it, and told yourself it would last forever. Some things in life are meant only to pass through, some to linger awhile, and some will only be brief.
They last but a season. This rule applies to health, wealth, and relationships. If things never change, you learn very little, and you won't appreciate much.
You were designed to connect through love with your family, neighbors, friends; and romantically to those who fulfill your yearnings for love and affection. You have enough love to love both your mother and father, grand-parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, cousins, and yet you can still love your friends. You can make new friends, lose a few, and still feel compelled to love. That must happen when some relationships die. You try again, and hope for the best. Learn by your mistakes. Push the anger out!
Well, relationships do differ in that we get to choose a mate. You sometimes have to go through more than one to get to the best match. You can't give-up on one mistake, or one failed relationship. The one lost is also a lesson. You learned what worked and what doesn't. You learned from an opposing personality, how to compromise, and how to stand-by your personal values. You've learned your weaknesses.
Now you're angry at the world, and you are going to reject everyone else and decide no one is good enough. That proves you put so much into that dead relationship, you died with it.
In any relationship, you must save love for yourself. It's that reserve of love you survive on when you think it was stolen by the wrong person. Relationships do sometimes end. Even good ones. You must better and improve yourself, and be positive. That is necessary; because when someone better than the last comes along, that person deserves no less. He will deserve the best of yourself you can offer.
Get over yourself girlfriend. These are the times you reinforce the love you have for those you still have, and you purge negative thoughts and feelings that poison your soul. You're toxic right not, so see it for what it is.
Start fresh. Happy New Year!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 January 2017):
 Relax! Nothing's going wrong, it's just that you haven't come across anyone who's challenged you intellectually and who you've found sexually attractive in a long time and you're beginning to think that you're losing the plot.
What you're feeling happens when you're going through a lull. And you're certainly not old at 25! Whatever makes you think that?!
Just don't think about this too much and give it too much importance. Years ago, when I was given through a similar phase as yours, there was a time I thought that I could never fall in love and had lost all interest in this aspect of life. I almost felt that I was asexual!!
Of course I wasn't, things changed, I met my now husband and suddenly I felt alive, happy, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we got married and have a beautiful baby now!
Don't lose hope, these are just temporary phases in life. You're just 25... There's miles to go, don't lose heart.
And oh...A happy new year to you! Don't start the new year feeling negative. Trust me, life is full of happy surprises. You never know what's waiting around the corner!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017): I think you are normal. You have accustomed yourself to a new normal. And sometimes when we don't have sex for awhile, we don't seem to care for it anymore. Because it is not foremost in our minds. I think once we start being sexual again, that is when that part of us in awakened again. But it's on the back burner so to speak.I believe once you meet someone you have a spark with, that part of you will come alive again.Maybe you are a little depressed? Could that be it?Yes, you will find someone who will make you feel all the things you felt with your ex. I do believe some of it is fear. You are detaching yourself and your expectations in case you don't find them. And you are distracting yourself.But sweetie, you are still young. You have your whole future ahead of you. You will find love. Just keep positive, happy and do things you are passionate about. Take care of you. Do things which make you feel good about yourself. Everything will eventually fall into place. I believe that.
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