Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): you are clearly doing injustice to him......he deserves to know the truth.....it will hurt him more and could end your relationship if he come to know this after.....why dont you marry with guy you were having sex with?...if you do something.....stand by it....
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 Sigh.. just realised, operations are common in Saudi Arabia, Turkey and other Muslim countries, not sure if you can get one in India.. contact your nearest woman's group or NGO for help.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 April 2010):
There are doctors that perform operations if you are very frightened that your new husband will be abusive if he finds out. Best to talk to other women in your culture who you know you can trust.
Why can't she marry the guy she's already had sex with? Forced marriages are illegal in India. They cannot force you, they can show you a guy, but if you don't suit, just continue to say no.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010):
Your husband deserves the truth. You are stealing his right to choose who he wants for his wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Start practicing your Kegel exercises to tighten the vagina. Then on the wedding night, dip the TIP of your clean wet finger in powdered Epsom salts (bought in pharmacy) and stick the salted finger inside your vag. I have to stress that it has to be a dipped fingerTIP ONLY; a whole finger is too much; do not scoop, just dip. It will sting a little for about 5 minutes. If you put too much it will sting him too so don't. You can try it beforehand to see what I mean. After about 30 minutes your vag will be so tight he won't be able to get inside without really trying. Once he is in there you obviously act all virginal, whatever that means; maybe a little nervous and like it hurts. I have done this a few times (not to fake virginity) and my man is always shocked about how tight it is in there. I completely understand your culture and that life will be hell if you are not a virgin and he will treat you like you are worthless. Yet he has been having his fun all this time? Serves him right.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 Just a bit of trivia:
Humans aren't the only mammals with hymens; it's present in many species of mammals.
A female guinea pig can regrow a hymen, by the way. When she's in heat (her fertile days), her hymen dissolves... and it eventually regrows when she is no longer in heat or pregnant. It's true.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (2 April 2010):
It's true that it's possible to be a virgin and not have a hymen. To put it delicately I have never had sex but I used to ride horses a lot, and I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead.
I don't think that you should keep secrets from your husband. I know that there are cultural differences in the world, and some cultures have a different view of virginity, BUT... if you love someone, you're not going to stop loving them just because they're no longer a virgin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Men don't know any thing when it comes to a womans frist time just act like it hurts
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 Sure you CAN hide it, but some day he's going to find out that it was a lie and it will ruin his trust in anything you've ever told him. It's better to start your marriage out truthfully than to spend the rest of your life lying and hoping he never finds out.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (2 April 2010):
 I think a female can lie about being a virgin. Not all virgins bleed the hymen is very sensitive and can be broken at any time with out any kind penetration. I think its a myth that the vagina becomes loose after time. So yes a women can lie about being a virgin and I agree just don't ride him and tell him "give it to me daddy" and you should be fine. If there is a choice meaning your not going to get stone to death and anything that is going to in-danger your life try being honest not all men are monsters you know.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Why can't you tell your husband you're not a virgin...?
And not having a hymon doesn't mean you're not a virgin anyway, some girls are born without one. And some lose them through other physical activity.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (1 April 2010):
 To answer your question directly YES. Not every woman is born with a hymen or sometimes the hymen can be broken doing athletic activities. A man cannot not tell if the woman is a virgin by "feel" it is mainly how she "behaves" - that is experienced or virginal. But honey I gotta ask why would you want to start a marriage with a lie? This sounds like an arranged marriage to me - can you get out of it? Is this what you really want to do? Go back and pretend?
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A
female
reader, smitheroon +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Men won't know if you're not a virgin. Just act like it hurts a little the first time you have sex and make sure you don't say anything like "I've never been with someone so big before!" :) Relax - he'll never know.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 It's pretty easy, if she tells you that she is a virgin her words are all you have to go on. Some say that the vagina may become more lose as time goes on but nothing is solid evidence. You would have to have that trust connection to know for sure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): I am going to have to say No on that.
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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: