A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Last year I was in a relationship with a woman who in retrospect I feel was manipulating me. She had asked me for a lot of money and I gave it to her over the course of the year, without getting anything back. (We were not even dating.) But I found out she had lied about many things and I feel now I had been used.What gets me when I think about the relationship are the times she got me to do things for her, such as paying for a car rental ($500) when she took a trip to Los Angeles or paying her rent ($600/month). What she did was, she cried.She cried about how much money she needed, how she could not go to Los Angeles if she did not have the money, how she missed her parents back home, etc. Being naive and moved by her tears, I always found myself shelling out the bucks.What I wonder about now is: were those tears real? Can a woman really bawl on command? She does have dreams of being an actress but even for an aspiring thespian, it seems awfully hard to fake crying.I ask for both the past and the future. For the past, I wonder, even if she was a manipulative person, whether she was really crying. For the future, I want to know if I can believe it if a girl ever tells me a sob story and matches it with tears, whether it is sincere.I would ideally like to hear from women as well!Thank you for taking the time to read my question.
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female
reader, RandomSmileys  +, writes (15 January 2011):
Yes it is. I can do it as I'm often acting out sad scenes in drama class. all she would have to do is think about something sad and her eyes would well up. If she tries this again, instead of giving her money, instead help her find a way of earning extra money (ie. getting a second part time job) but dont let her fool you again
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Yes, it is possible for people wo cry on command. Go search that up on youtube. You will get tutorials who teaches you how to cry on command in a minute's time.
Don't be so naive next time~
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I can. Not that I do it, but I can. I'm not one for crying in front of anyone. ever.
She may or may not have faked the tears. She might be one of those over emotional people who's whole world seems to fall apart every 5 minutes. The thing is, it's not about her. It's about you. You can choose to not shell out for things or to shell out. It's up to you. The word no comes to mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): It is possible and probably just as common for a woman to manipulate a man with tears and sex as it is for a man who to manipulate a woman with money or violence...
Even though I know this happens to woman every day, it doesn't stop me from being afraid of or loving men.
She abused and manipulated you and you feel foolish now. It probably feels bad and undignifiying, but if you are looking to mistrust all woman on the basis of one experience, then you are being an incredible cynic and you are destining yourself for loneliness.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Crying on command is not as difficult as people believe.
Most actors and wanna-be actors can sort of pull it off.
Maybe they will sound a bit, or a lot, "fake ", but you see, it all depends from the audience : you were already a
eager, well disposed, cooperating audience; more than ready to embrace "suspension of disbelief "-the point in which you block critical thinking ( why is she doing this ? Is this grief true or fake ? Why is she showing it to me and not another person ? etc. etc. ) and you just go with the flow of your emotions.
Anyway in this case she did not need any partiular study of Stanislavskij/Strasberg technique .
Her tears may have been true. In the sense that a person with a low treshold of tolerance for frustration, a big sense of entitlement an a self centered attitude- in other words, a spoiled brat like many exploiters and manipulators are, can very well easily cry true tears when she is afraid she cannot get what she wants, or her plans are somehow thwarted . Like a 4 years old child who bawls to get a new toy- in part he is consciously trying to wear his parents down, in part he really had his heart set on that toy and he is really upset.
How will you know upon meeting another girl with a sob story, if her tears are real or fake ?...
I don't think there is a foolproof method, - just learn to be a better reader of body language and do not let your emotions overrule your brain. But there is a foolproof method to avoid been victimized again, and it is : never ever give money to any damsel in distress that you don't know super well and you don't trust 110%!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 January 2011):
 It's called "crocodile tears," and should be met with scorn and mockery. Many women can cry on demand (some guys, too, like my old roommate, but that's a somewhat less useful skill for us).
Real tears should be met with care, but that doesn't mean doing whatever she asks to get her to stop crying. You can sympathize with someone without agreeing with them. Do not let tears be used to persuade you for anything.
When in doubt, assume they're real, but still refuse to change just because she cried.
Some women (men too, but we're not talking about guys) are evil and manipulative, some are not, but most can go either way, depending on the incentives. If they can get free stuff by crying, they'll cry; if you demand that they respect you and act like adults, they will. Try to do the latter in the future.
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A
female
reader, LeahVictoria +, writes (12 January 2011):
She took you for granted thats for sure.
Dont think that all woman are like her because were not. But i think it is easy for someone to cry to get what they want.
Learn for this experience and becareful who you trust and give money to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): sounds like you met an evil woman. There are a lot that will do it to you. Youre a nice guy w a soft heart and they walk on you because of it. I am the same way as you. I never learn either. You just basically have to try to take everyone at face value and trust your gut. People who cry should want comfort too and not just money. They might need money but if there is no real humbleness for asking or gratitude (say 3 weeks later) for it, then theyre probably using you.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 For heavens sake! You are going to judge all women in the future by this manipulative bitch? She saw you as a mark and took advantage of you; not every PERSON is a two-faced conniving liar, whether or not they are male OR female. She obviously is an amoral human being, there are plenty of guys like that too.
How can you tell if tears are real or fake? Not all women can cry on demand, but some can. I personally couldn't live with myself if I turned them on and off like a tap in order to get something out of someone. Often, I will cry out of frustration and anger though, because women are taught that anger isn't pretty, and tears are something that women have always been allowed to express and perhaps that's why they come out in disguise - You can pretty much see the other expressions behind the sadness; frustration or anger in the context of the conversation and surmise that they are real.
Obviously, her tears were fake "crocodile" tears and she was putting on a show for you; for her benefit. You had your first clue when she cried after complaining about a lack of money. That sounds about as phony as a three dollar bill. Use your HEAD first, not your heart and think about why the tears are there in the future. A lot of manipulative women will try the "damsel in distress" thing to pull on a guys heartstrings and make him feel like the "strong protector"; but asking a guy for money is just sooooooo tacky.
If someone's tears results in you pulling your wallet out - you might want to excuse yourself to a washroom or out for a cigarette and re-think whatever your next move will be without being directly manipulated by feminine wiles.
I stand by the rule that you should never loan anything to anyone that you aren't willing to part with in the first place; most of the time you never see it again - especially money.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Many can, and many will use it to their advantage. Ultimately, some tears are real too though, so it's not good to become completely jaded.
Ask yourself, is she trying to get something out of me? What's causing her to cry? Is this reaction appropriate for the situation?
In the end it all comes down to trust. How much do you trust that individual crying before you?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I can.
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A
male
reader, welsh +, writes (12 January 2011):
Yes, a woman can cry on demand. My ex bawled to me when I found out she had cheated on me. Only to later find out that she was with him after I dropped her home. And I did not find out till a few months after.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I guess some can fake cry but the that will look like it is.. fake. However there is a skill good actors can pull on. It is that you think of, or imagine, or put yourself so well inot character, that the feelings you feel, although not real, FEEL real. And thus you can cry or be happy. Much like reading a book or watching a sad movie, the happenings aren't real, and they didn't happen to you, yet you might find yourself crying over it.If she's got that skill, then crying on demand is easy. Her tears will be real, she will be crying out of sadness... but for what cause? She might have been thinking of something completely different, tapped into some horrible childhood memory or feelings, and then used it for a different cause. But that takes skills.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Yes a woman can cry on demand and you already know that you were played. What I'll say to you is though, don't hand over money too easily in the future. There is women out there who are takers and one's who are givers, but just be careful in you choice. Knowing someone over a longer period will let you know who you can trust in the future.
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