A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help here, I am currently in a relationship of 8 years and counting, when we first got together all was well, until I told a lie about a homey loverfriend, after the lie it seemed like there was not trust there, he began going out regular and when he wasn't out he was working. Well we continued with the relationship and I thought that all was well, years passed, (several days were over night stays, I don't know where) then in 2007 he came home and had a major attitude, I dimissed and went on with my business, I tried to remain calm but my feelings got the best of me, I decided that we should split and I moved out. That was in Aug.07. I advised him that we need some time to work it out, he agreed and I thought everything was fine during this time I was going to school, my grades fell and I was upset with myself so I told him that we would have to slow down and take time to learn each other all over again but (HERE'S WHERE THE REAL BS STARTS) all the time I thought we were working things out he was banging this chick, taking nude photos of her, and all that, he left his phone at my house and I seen them, I confronted him and he told me that they were internet pics. I believed him like a dummy until I noticed the furniture in the background, I then thought like was good for the goose is good for the gander. I knew this guy that had always had feelings for me and me for him, we chatted, and spent a couple hours together, I wanted to em, him so bad, but I couldn't because I felt guilty when he hugged me. Now 1 year 1/2 later me and my ex are back together and he keeps throwing this guy up in my face, I think it's some bs, and I'm really at the point where I want to be by myself when we em, nothing's there, it's like a chore, and when I'm really into it I'm thinking of other people. I'm so confused, it's crazy, I love him (CARE ABOUT HIS WELL BEING) but I'm not in love, and on top of that I'm a very friendly person, every time any male looks my direction he freaks out SAYING YOU PROBABLY EMED HIM. I'm not sure what to do but I'm totally misreable and it's affecting everything.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 What was the lie about the "homey loverfriend"? Don't you think it's importnat to let us know?
A
female
reader, dizzikat  +, writes (11 January 2009):
You know what, it sounds to me like you've fallen out of love with him & you are getting ready to move on (I don't mean move on to the next nearest male) I mean move on with your life. People grow & change & only when they talk enough to keep in touch with how each other is developing are they able to maintain the relationship.
It is only natural & human that you will still have feelings for this man, but caring is not love & tbh you will not be doing him any favours dragging this out any more, give him a chance to find himself & move on, yes it will hurt like hell & you'll question yourself loads over the first few weeks / months but that is always better than staying together & breeding hate. Good luck.
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