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1st time sex no blood--he doesn't really believe I was a virgin

Tagged as: Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2009)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

When I had sex for the first time I never bled? I don't understand why. I masturbated a few times but like I just used to like rub my clit and stuff. I never put my hands inside my vagina. Before sex, my fiance used to finger me sometimes but I never noticed blood. He's accusing me of not being a virgin and it hurts so bad. I just really need to know why I didnt bleed...is there a way I could prove to him that I was a virgin. I lied to him about something stupid a long time ago in our relationship which is why he doesnt really believe me which is understandable but it just really hurts and I want to know if there's something I can do..Also, the first time we had sex, it didnt hurt to be honest I didnt even know it was sex b/c before he would put his penis in like 1/4 way but pull out and stuff like that but I never noticed any blood. When we did it, I was super wet, is that why it didnt hurt??..I hate my life...Thank you to anyone who answers.

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A male reader, Nero_Awakens India +, writes (23 October 2009):

hey girl i wanna tell u that i got the same problem too. I have sex wit ma girl, she told me that she was a virgin but it dont bleed. i felt really bad for it. and i even loose faith in her. i really dont know the reason.she never ride a horse nor do gymnastics. i touch her vagina sometimes b4 we have sex . Can that be the reason??

[Moderator Note: e-mail address removed for privacy reasons. Use PM if you want to exchange personal information with each other.]

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A female reader, BradsBabyGirl United States +, writes (11 January 2009):

I didn't bleed my first time that I know of the lights were off but I did feel it rip an the guy I lost it to swore up an down I wasn't a virgin 6 mths later guys are a-holes you can't make him believe you just like there are some things I can't make my fiancee/unborn babys dad believe just talk to him tell him how you feel often when my guy don't believe me I get upset an cry then he feels bad try that

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009):

He put it in 1/4 of the way and he's concerned about your virginity? that's stupid ... you no longer were a virgin before he penetrated you all the way ... there's no such thing like if he put it in 1/4 that means you're 3/4 virgin, LOL ... either, you're a virgin or not.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009):

I had sex with a girl who claimed to be a virgin and she did not bleed - she was super tight though and incredibly wet. I don't know whether she was telling me truth or not and frankly it didn't matter (as I cared for her not her virginity).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009):

aww there could be many reasons why you didnt bleed! my first time i didnt bleed either!! but the second time i did and the boy i went with thought i was a virgin when i told him i wasnt! so it went the other way for me not so good!! the seal can break itself through horse riding or being on certain theme park rides and many other ways. but you probably wont notice it has been broken through an activity because you bleed little bits for about a week and you would probably only think it was a period! there is no way really that you can prove to him that you were a virgin you should just hope he believes you!!

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A female reader, dizzikat United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2009):

From your post it sounds like you're asking two separate questions

- why was there no blood

- why doesn't he believe me

The most important is the latter, but just to answer the first - not everyone does bleed noticeably the first time they have penetrative sex. There are many reasons including strenous activities such as horse riding & gymnastics that will stretch the vagina.

The important question is why doesn't he believe me? If he is obsessing about this point, to be honest he is probably more in love with himself than you & far too immature to be having sex in the first place. You have just given yourself to him in the most complete way possible & asks you this?! Remember though he too is reeling from this very intense emotional experience, give him a bit of space if he continues to obsess about it, there are better guys out there for you.

On a serious note, if you didn't use protection get to a chemist or GP within 72 hours & give serious consideration to the STDs you may have exposed yourselves to.

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A male reader, iluvsox United States +, writes (11 January 2009):

The first time I had sex with a girl, she didn't bleed either, and I'm 100% sure she was a virgin. The hymen being broken tends to be the time when you actually "bleed"

See, that can happen if you play sports and have a tampon in. I know lots of girls that have had that happen. Its completely normal.

As for you being wet and not having it hurt on your first time, then be happy! Every time I've had sex with a virgin, it hurts them, so be happy that you don't have to deal with the pain!!

As for your fiance, I suggest that you talk to him about it. Talking does wonders. I wish you the best of luck

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A female reader, bookiebabyyy United States +, writes (11 January 2009):

Not everybody bleeds during their first time, lots of things like physical activities or tampons can damage the hymen before your first time causing you not to bleed. I read somewhere also that some women are not born with a hymen at all. So it could be either of these things, but ether way you're perfectly normal. As for your boyfriend, he shouldn't be disappointed because it's not like you did anything wrong. It's not like you decided not to bleed. Explain to him that you were a virgin, and if he doesn't beleive you, then that's a problem of trust and he's not worth it anyway.

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A male reader, The Gentle Man United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2009):

The Gentle Man agony auntAlso I meant to mention in my last post. Has he ever been with a virgin or is he basing it on hearsay and what he thinks should happen ?

Even if he has been with a virgin everyone is different.

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A female reader, im_a_dummy United States +, writes (11 January 2009):

im_a_dummy agony aunthey, you know im not really sure what to do about that, the first time i did it, it hurt sooo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i didnt bleed either. so im not sure, sorry hun. maybe not everyone bleeds!

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A male reader, The Gentle Man United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2009):

The Gentle Man agony auntNot all virgins bleed. Not all virgins have a hymen (where the blood comes from). And yes, being comfortable and aroused (wet) makes the whole thing alot easier. What concerns me is that your fiance is making a big deal out of this.

Just tell him that you swear that you were and that not all virgins bleed. If he still doesnt believe you, just leave him in his ignorance.

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