A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on my boyfriend (fling, got pregnant, had an abortion), and I did this because I thought our relationship was over. It wasn't over, and we got back together. He found out and he'd hurt me every time he remembers what I did. After a few years, he got over it (a little bit), the hurting stopped, we got married, and had a daughter. We migrated to another country. It's been almost 10 years since he first found out. We are happy right now, no real problems, except money maybe. Out of the blue he confessed to me that he had slept with his ex-girlfriend (girl before me) a year after he found out I cheated on him. I know it's been a long time. I wish he had told me then and not now. How should I react? I can't stop thinking of him and the girl "making love". He said that it was retaliation for what I did to him, and so I can feel how he felt at the time. I cry if I think of what he did. How do I cope with this faster? Can we go back to normalcy?
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abortion, cheated on my boyfriend, ex girlfriend, got back together, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 I'm sorry you had to know that...actually, it was sort of mean-spirited of him to mention it so late, on the other hand, you could say that he withheld the info out of love for you.
Let the past stay in the past and live in the present. Never bring it up again - just like you hated hearing about your fling. It probably wasn't anything like your imagination anyway.
A
female
reader, dizzikat  +, writes (11 January 2009):
You say you can't stop thinking of your man making love to this girl. It isn't your man that did that, it was your man 9 years ago who was a different person. Since then the two of you have grown & changed together, without each other neither of you would have become the persons you are today.
For whatever reason he has confessed now & yes you are right he should have confessed at the time because all he has succeeded in doing is undermining the trust that has built within your relationship. Don't obsess about it (yes I know it's easy to say & hard to do) Remember though she was his ex for a reason & despite her efforts 9 years ago your man still didn't choose her over you.
You have a new life now, the past is just what has happened on the way to getting to now, enjoy your future together or walk away now & don't ever look back.
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety +, writes (11 January 2009):
 If he cheated on you as well and still made you feel like crap about you cheating on him for years afterward, the guy is obviously not a very good one. But if you dont' think you could hangle being without him, you should have a serious talk about this with him. I mean, you now have a life with him: marriage, child, very few troubles in paradise. The least you can do is make sure there's more communication in this. Good luck! =]
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