A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help, I have got myself into a rut since my good friend went to uni in september. I have become a loner I don't like going anywhere alone so I stay in my house all day(on my days of from college) I feel so sad because I want to do things but I can't seem to build up any motivation. The only things that I like doing is going to places with my boyfriend! But even when me and my boyfriend go out its just the two of us. I need help! Is it ok to stay home alone? X Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend does the same because when he is not with me then he is alone or with family however, he has things to occupy him. He'll be on his xbox, ps3, computer, laptop, wii.....I just either watch tv or txt my boyfriend. X
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): I am in a very similar situation. Although I used to spend all my time with my girlfriend and she has now got a much more enjoyable life for herself separate from me.I spend a lot of time on my own as a result of this. I do have friends but sometimes I just don't want to see them as I feel down about missing my girlfriend.I often do two things when I'm on my own.1- I go to the video (or dvd rather) shop and get out a movie. There's nothing wrong with watching a film on your own. In fact that way you can watch whatever you want!Or better still, watch a documentary- www.bodocus.com (best online documentaries) has some good and very interesting stuff on there.It often helps me to learn about something new when I'm feeling lonely.Maybe get one of these teach yourself a new language books, or anything like that.2- Try meditation or something similar. This doesn't have to mean you're levitating in a trance like state, etc etc.Have a look online at simple breathing exercises and try to really get into them.Or do yoga. Again get a book about it or look online.Basically anything that helps your body and mind but you might feel like an idiot doing it when there are other people around! Sometimes I simply put a great song on and just dance!! Yep, on my own! ... i make sure I've pulled the curtains shut though!!Having time on your own can be so lonely and depressing but it is also so precious. It's a chance to totally be yourself.I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Sure it is OK to be home alone. There is nothing wrong in being a "loner" per se. But only if you can enjoy your own company, and be at peace with yourself.
However, not too many people are "loners" actually. "Loners" do not feel marginalized nor "lonely", because it is what they chose to be. They socialize with people when they want to, so they do not completely live in "isolation" from the surrounding society. But for the majority, we are "social people" who like to interact with others at any time.
Losing a best friend is just as bad as losing a boyfriend actually. Perhaps not the feeling of "hurt" in your heart, but there is a feeling of emptyness. That is not unusual.
There are many ways of keeping your mind occupied and not lonely when you are home and not at the university. If you have a charity organization (or charity shop) in your town, go and ask if you can volunteer some hours there. You will not only be helping yourself in making new friends and occupying your time, you will also be helping those in need. Try Oxfam, Barnardo's, Salvation Army.
Find one nearest you. There are 6,000 in England, 650 in Scotland, 300 in Wales, 200 in Northern Ireland.
http://www.charityshops.org.uk/faqs.html#how%20many%20shops
Good luck and have fun!
Cat
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Of course it is ok to stay home alone, it is actually a good thing if you are comfortable enough with your own company to be alone from time to time.
However it isnt ok when all you do is spend time alone because you dont have any friends to spend time with. In your case I think you are fine to spend a bit of time alone in the house but you do need to start to try and find some new friends so you dont rely on your boyfriend so much.
There must be hobbies you enjoy, or things you feel passionate about doing. Start going to local clubs and groups of likeminded people. For instance, if you like reading then join a book club, if you enjoy politics then join whichever party you believe in and join in with their local acitivity, if you enjoy horse riding then start taking lessons. If you cant think of things you enjoy then try some new activities - they are such good ways of meeting new people that have similar interests.
Or perhaps try going out with your boyfriends friends from time to time - surely some of these will have girlfriends that they can bring along so you can meet them. There are a million ways to meet new people and make new friends - it takes time and effort but it will be worth it!
So dont worry too much about staying home on your own every now and then but dont let it become a regular thing!
I hope this helps!
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