A
female
age
30-35,
*onicaBoo_
writes:Alright, this girl i knew a 3 years ago is trying to get in contact with me. She use to be my bestfriend till one day i found out she had sex with my boyfriend at the time when the 3 of us were hanging out at another friends house. Even though i know that was a long time ago and she wants to be friends again i dont kno if i will be able to trust her, i still feel resentful towards her for what she did, she was always there for me when i needed her , we visited each other in the hospital when she had a miscarrage n i got into a car accident. Is it okay to hold a grudge for that long? or should i just move on forgive her and give her another chance?
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male
reader, Turnrj +, writes (10 January 2011):
Hey listen, it's not healthy for you or anybody to hold a grudge for any lenght of time! Life is way too short.
A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 For me it'd have nothing to do with a grudge. Simply that in my eyes that girl has lost all respect and i wouldn't be able to trust her. Hence there'd be no reason to be friends. Personally i'd just not bother with her. At least then she cant hurt you again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): I believe in forgiveness, I also believe that 3 years is a long time for someone to change. The thing is, the only way I'd be friends with her is if she was truly repentant about what she did. If she isn't, then I wouldn't have any contact with her. My experience has been that people rarely change.
If you do become friends with her, keep her at arms length and see if she has changed. Don't let her tell you she's changed let her actions dictate that. And of course a heart felt apology is in order.
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A
male
reader, cupid_1234 +, writes (9 January 2011):
 What she did was completely unacceptable to you so its natural to hold a grudge. But try to forgive her as everyone is not perfect and we all make mistakes. To err is human!! But that doesn't mean that you should get in contact with her again. Try to hang out with her again. If you feel comfortable then its great that you can be united with you best friend again else do what your heart says.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Everyone is different and copes with situations like this in different ways. What she did was out of order, and she betrayed your trust in a big way. Alot of water goes under the bridge during three years and people can change. You know in your heart of hearts whether you want to drop the grudge and forgive her, do what your heart tells you.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): As I grow older and wiser i have this to say: when people betray us and we cut them off from our lives, if we take them back then we only have ourselves to blame when they destroy us again. Meaning, this so called friend and your bf betrayed you. They hurt you. They destroyed you. Yes time heals and I am hoping you dumped your cheating bf, but do not allow a betrayer back into your life. That 'friend' was in your life for a few seasons and those seasons are over. We sometimes court trouble by going backwards. Yes I think you have healed after 3 years so send her an email telling her you forgive her but you are making a choice not to have anything more to do with her.
Your choice ultimately but choose wisely.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 It's not ok to hold a grudge for so long, it can make someone into a really bitter person. Saying that though you may not be able to trust her and you can understand that you have nothing against her but your friendship has come and gone. Someone who holds grudges for so long and doesn't let things go and move on tend to form more and more unreasonable grudges in the future.
If you can't be friends with her then move on but don't keep her around being mad at her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Yes it is ok to hold on to grudge for that long, she done an unforgivable thing on you and it will be hard for you to forget something like that and learn to trust her again.
It is entirely up to you what you want to do but if you feel that you can not forgive her for what she done then tell her that, she was a close friend and yes of course you are going to be hurt at what she done. But it is up to you if you want to have a friendship with her ask yourself can you deal with it.
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, flowerpower810 +, writes (9 January 2011):
A person who has sex with your boyfriend isn't a friend at all. You can forgive but, you won't ever forget. Who's to say that she won't do it again. You've went three years without her, forget about her. You'll find better friends, that will be there for you ALWAYS and won't screw your boyfriend. She's not worth it.
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A
male
reader, Azza +, writes (9 January 2011):
That's a really hard choice as there will always be doubt that you can trust her. If she has done it once then she is capable of doing it again. She did an awful thing to you, the boyfriend at the time might be nothing now, but what about your current one or future husband. A second time might hurt you. It has been three years and you will have moved on, do you need her in your life? I think you can honestly answer your question yourself.
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