A
female
age
41-50,
*endy2011
writes:i have been married for a few months. i am 34 weeks pregnant, with a history of heart disease, and classified high risk pregancy. my husband lobied for a paid for 2 months vacation out of the country with his employers and really excited about it. i feel he is being uncaring. apart from being pregnant, i will be expected to supervise building of a family home which should be completed by the time he comes so that we shift (he has not contributed a scent to it, i got a loan). i also have school to take care of, a full time job and two children (his step children) to care for. he seems unconcerned about all this stress i will have, and just want to go and have fun? asking him to stay would REALLY spoil things for him. i have complained softly, but he doesnt seem to see it a problem. am i demanding too much attention? i have no reliable relative i could depend on, only have two teenage nieces.am i asking for too much attention?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 I just read your updated and I hope counseling helps you. Just prepare yourself mentally that he may never change, or want to change. After reading the additional information, he sounds like a selfish person, who never showed you much support or understanding. If it was never there to begin with, chances are it will never be.
You chose to marry him even though he is less than ideal (understatement)and you let him get away with a lot. No matter how counseling goes, you need to be more firm and stronger in your convictions. If you don't act more aggressively, men or people in general, will always walk all over you.
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 wow he really sounds like he isn't willing to help or compromise.
A relationship is built around three main things in my books Trust, Commitment and Love. It sounds like lately he has been neglecting all of these.
Your pregnant you need help especially if your high risk, if he leaves you too do all that by yourself then i simply wouldn't stand for it.
Tell him and be firm he needs to get the message into his head i also think cousillering is a good idea.
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A
female
reader, Godchild +, writes (28 October 2011):
I cant believe he would leave u at this time in your oregnancy. This is the time you need him the most.He is being selfish, and has no consideration of your feelings at all. Then you have to care for his two kids and the baby by yourself. Whose going to watch the kids when you give birth. Im 35 weeks pregnant and my heart goes out to you. Hope your talk works
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A
female
reader, wendy2011 +, writes (28 October 2011):
wendy2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, the trip in on the 8th of November, getting back 8th January. I think i will sit down with him tonight and tell him again in a more stressing way, how that makes me feel. I think if he still insists on going, i will arrange for some counselling for us when he gets back because there are alot other things that he does that shows irresponsible/uncaring behaviour, and if i bring up all stuff, he might just explode, so maybe a neutral person like a counselor would do. for example, he only spends on bills what he would spend it he were alone, only contributes to rentals enough for his 'share', never shows concern for my kids, even a little help like volunteering to be home early with the kids when am out, never help out at home, even cleaning my (our) car (which we both use).i always have to pay someone to do it. He would rather go shoping for expensive clothes for himslef than clear water or electricity bills. he always says i should be telling him what is needed at home, but i find it unreasonable because he knows about the fixed monthly bills. i have told him this, but he doesnt seem to change. i am like the head of the house, making sure there is enough food for everyone, the bills are taken care of, the kids have all they need and all is in place. and he is like a baby, contributing nothing, instead of being a man of the house.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011): When is the vacation? You are 34 weeks, the baby could come tomorrow! And I know you want him holding your hand as you give birth. And I'm sure he wants to be there. Put your foot down, and say enough is enough. Say if he doesn't step up there will be problems.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Not only are you NOT asking for too much attention.... BUT.... according to your description of how matters are happening ....you are doing 'way to much to accomodate the unthinking/unappreciative idiot who you call a "husband"...
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (27 October 2011):
 My goodness your about to give birth to your and his baby any day and he's going off on a jolly!!!
My heart feels so heavy for you, this is shocking behaviour on his part he should be there loving, caring and looking after you.
Words fail me at how much he is letting you down - I only hope you have a supportive family around you.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (27 October 2011):
These type of situations create resentments in people's marriages. If he is more concerned about his fun than you, you have a big problem. If you don't put your foot down on this, he will always chase his own selfish needs. No more soft protests lady! Stop being a pushover and take charge of this situation. Tell him he cannot go on this trip and tell him exactly why. If he has an ounce of a brain and compassion, he would not be offended, but rather embarrassed by his own selfishness. Unburden yourself and assign him some responsibilities to make your life easier.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2011):
 I don't think you are asking too much.
you are 34 weeks you are high risk the baby could come at any time.
you need help... if he does not want to be there to help with his baby then he should be making arrangements with his family or someone to be there to help you.
maybe complaining softly is not enough
maybe you need to sit him down and clearly spell out what you need and why and what you expect. He will NOT be happy and it may be more stressful for you to do so.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 No you are not asking for to much. You need to tell him how you feel. Tell him you are worried about coping with everything on your own and all the stress you will have to put up with. Be honest with him because he is not a mind reader and probably thinks things will all be OK. However he may resent you then for stopping him going on holidays. But you need to be honest with him. Maybe you could come to some sort of agreement. Maybe he could get someone to offer you some help.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 No, it's not "right" in my opinion, he's a punk! for better or worse is the vow(I think) A real man stands by his spouse at all times not go playing with the boys during rough times. You may want to reconsider spouses in the future. Good luck, wish I was able to be there for you kid, you sound like a nice person that got paired up with a clod.
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