A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my bf and I really want a baby - his family are thrilled whereas mine think I'll be throwing my life away if I get pregnant. I'm 20, my partners 21. I'm too scared to start trying because of my parents reaction. My mum said she wouldn't be happy but would deal with it and my dad said he would laugh at me 'cause I'd just thrown my life away. Is it normal to still feel scared of my parents when I'm nearly 21 and have been living with my partner and supporting myself for 4 years?
View related questions:
want a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sissy 1992  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 It is your life not theirs so dont let their reaction stop you...
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (25 November 2010):
 It's not a question of normal or not ... It just depends what kind of relationship you have with your family. I got pregnant when I was just 22, and I had been living really away from home since 18, when I'd been at university. The reaction of my parents was complete horror, and they did sway me, because I still felt too scared of an uncertain future with a baby, and wasn't ready to just dismiss what my parents said.
For almost all of your life, your parents have been looking after you, deciding how you live your life, and looking out for you. It takes parents some time to realise, as well, that they won't be doing this forever. Maybe this is a point in your life where you need to make the step to being more independent. You do, after all, have the support of your boyfriend and his family.
I don't think you are too young, and I think that if you plan this pregnancy, there is nothing wrong with it - everything right, in fact. My advice honestly would be to be kind and respectful to your parents, but to do what you and your boyfriend would want - you are old enough now. And for you not to worry - you will not be throwing your life away. You will just be doing something a bit different with it, at this moment, than your parents had planned. It is hard for them to let go that control, but they need to. Don't you feel bad - this is a normal process, and it comes some time or another.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): I wouldn't say you're scared of them, you just want to make them happy. If my parents said what yours did, I think I'd wait. Not because I'm scared, but because I want them to be happy with what my decisions are and to be proud of me.
Just remember, it's your life. Nobody can tell you how to live your life but you. If you and your boyfriend want a baby, then try for one. If you're not 100% sure because of your parents or what ever reason, then wait until you're older.
Your parents are just looking out for you because they love you. But don't let them control your life, if this is what you really want then go for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, alice0110 +, writes (25 November 2010):
of course you are normal. its common to feel like you have to do things just to please your parents and if its not what they want then you feel like it shouldnt be done. however, its important that you realise this is your life and your parents must accept that too. life is all about learning from your own experiences and in order to do this, you have to live your life. sit down with your partner and talk things over in detail. having a child is never an easy choice but its a huge responsibility. if after sitting down and talking you both realise that this is what you want, then go for it :D but if you both have doubts then wait, as you have said, you are both young so maybe living your life abit more isnt such a bad idea? this is something which only the two of you have a say in :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 Only you know if you are ready and fit to be a parent. Aside from the fact that your parents are against it, what is keeping you from having this child and caring for it? Do YOU think you can manage? In essence, no one else can decide for you and know one else can know whether you are ready enough for this.
Do you trust your parents? I think you do, else why would you fear their thoughts? If you trust them, perhaps you are not ready and you should wait a while longer. Work on your relationship with your boyfriend instead so that you are sure this will last.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (25 November 2010):
 It depends on the type of people your parents are. Normally I would say there looking out for you and concider you too young to be starting a family.
At the end of the day its your life, your above the age of consent and its your choice not your parents.
...............................
A
female
reader, xX_Kitty_Xx +, writes (25 November 2010):
You have your own life to live so live it. If you and your partner are completely sure this is what you want and your in a stable and loving relationship I think you should go for it in the end I expect your parents will not regret the dicision you make. Just make the dicision that is best for you and makes both you and your partner happy.
Hope this helps,
Regards
Kitty
...............................
A
female
reader, xX_Kitty_Xx +, writes (25 November 2010):
You have your own life to live so live it. If you and your partner are completely sure this is what you want and your in a stable and loving relationship I think you should go for it in the end I expect your parents will not regret the dicision you make. Just make the dicision that is best for you and makes both you and your partner happy.
Hope this helps,
Regards
Kitty
...............................
|
