A
female
age
41-50,
*mwalks
writes:OK, last night I broke up with my bf of 4.5 yrs, we have'nt really been happy for the last yr or so as we lost our spark and both of us did nothing to help our relationship until it was too late.Last night, I sat him down and told him we are over. I was crying my heart out and he just sat there stoney faced and said he was "expecting it" hence no tears.It still feel's like a dream. I'm not sure if I have made a mistake, I'm scared as I am out of my comfort zone - meaning we will have to give up our house we rent together, tell our family and friend's and move on.I guess my question is, is it normal to feel so lost after breaking up? and is he normal to be so cold?
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broke up, move on, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ralph +, writes (31 October 2007):
Of course it's normal. People who are single for years feel lost. It's better to have tried surely?
Look at it this way, you're still young, imagine having this situation with 3 kids & being 45 years old??
Life is a journey i guess, & as long as we try & learn from each experience we will always be better for it.
who knows, you both may jump at each other in the future. But for now, your concern is your happiness, so get out & enjoy yourself or jump into a new hobby & try to keep your mind from reflecting too much.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 I'd like to say that when I asked my husband of 22 years for a divorce he basically said he'd been expecting it and he too sat there stone faced. I do know that he is broken up about it but part of him didn't want to show any emotion. I also think he knew it was for the best and he didn't want to make it any harder for me. Though with a long term relationship be prepared for the next steps of grief because your ex may exhibit them at times down the road. Look for anger, denial, bargaining (trying to get back together) and finally acceptance. I'd say you'll probably have these feelings too, hence the wondering if you did the right thing. You didn't come to this decision overnight so I think you owe it to yourself to proceed with your plan. You will be lonely but in time, you will be better off. Time is your friend. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, emwalks +, writes (31 October 2007):
emwalks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey - I'm the original poster of this ad, and I would just like to say a great big thank you to those who replied to my posting!
I started the day feeling lost and confused, but I am now feeling much more positive.
Thank you x x
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (31 October 2007):
I remember,when the girl o was dating last year broke up with me.I simply walked out of her presence.I didn't know what else to do.Sometimes a man's feelings are better expressed in solitude.Since you say things haven't been smotth da past yr or so,you must know that he expected it.I kinda imagine he's feeling two things at once.To just see you go away and to hold you in his arms so that you never leave.Believe me though,he's just as affected as you are.The way you are feeling is normal just don't be quick to judge yo ex.We have different ways of dealing with heart breaks and men's styles are quite perculiar.
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A
female
reader, JaffaZ  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Yeah, I think it's normal to feel really lost after breaking up. Especially as you were with your boyfriend for so long. Actually, it'd be a bit strange if you didn't feel lost - it'd be as if you never cared for him at all. So yeah, feeling lost is perfectly normal.
As for him being cold, I'm sure that was also kind of normal... I can't really say, since I'm not a guy. But I think that for guys, they are able to hide their emotions a lot better. I bet he's really hurting inside though.
Don't worry, things will get better for you. :)
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Yeah it's normal. Especially after a relationship that lasted as long as yours. You put lot's of emotion and time and consideration to him that now you have no outlet for those strong feelings - even though the relationship was doomed. So it's okay to feel lost and maybe lonely at times.
About his reaction. In my opinion, it was just a male reaction. Men in general have a hard time expressing their feelings without the feeling of being emasculated or feminized. We've heard all our young lives to "be tough" and "big boys don't cry" and "man up" that when our hearts are truly torn we have no way of expressing how we feel because we've never been allowed to be emotional. So when emotions well up, and we feel like we're going to cry or something, we simply shut off all emotion and become hardened "stoney faced" men sitting in front of you. So he's probably saddened, but you will never see him sad. That's his way of protecting his "manhood".
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (31 October 2007):
Yes, its perfectly normal to feel lost, confused, sad etc!
And you probbaly will for a while...butttttt things will get better. Just dont give in. It will take sometime for things to get to a stage again where you will comfortable. Afterall, you spent over 4 years wiht this guy, you probably find ith ard to rmemeber what life was like before him.
As for your bf's reaction...i would say thats normal too. He probably has very similar feelings as to what you are having but hes just hiding them. He wouldnt really be feeling empty/numb/cold like the image he is portraying.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Hi
I could be way off mark here but is there any possibility that you were looking for a reaction from him. Some reassurance? When you ended it, did you want him to ask you not to?
It is normal to wonder if you did the right thing. We have all been there and i can honestly say, i can look back now and say i did the right thing in the past, even if it didnt seem like it at the time.
The relationship might of run its course and it might well be time to move on.
If you really dont think you should of ended it, then dont cut off your nose to spite your face. Lifes too short. Get in touch with him, ask to speak and maybe, just maybe, you two could work on it this time.
But think carefully. Its normal after that sort of time with someone to be scared of going it alone, but dont confuse that with wanting to be with someone. There are lots of things to look forward to for everyone in life and it would be a shame to stick with someone thats wrong, just because you are scared of being single for a while.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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