A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i dont know what to do and am deepl upst. i will try shorten the story. i was with this wonderful guy, for a year was all perfect, then one day i heard nothing from him at all just stopped calling visiting nothing, i went through torment and depression for 8 months, when he called me and said he was abroad and in trouble, he knew he had no rite to ask for help but i was the only one to ask, he was in deep trouble needed to get put could i help him with cash, he was deeply sorry wanted me back and would explain. i knew i shouldnt help but i still loved him and needed answers. so i put 800 in his bank account, 6 weeks later of nothing he rang and got a taxi from the airport to my door. he gave me reasons excuses not sure bit i accepted them as i had him back and was so happy. that lasted great for two months, he then came to see me crying uncontrolably one nght saying he was scared and in trouble again hat he had a drug problem was addicted and owed some awful people cash they threatned to kill him, i believed him by his reaction never sw him like that before, he had been getting threatning calls, etc so i gave him £3000 to pay the debt. again things went ok for few weeks, he then told me that he gave most of the cash went on a bender and spent £500 of it on drugs, this went on, this week he has told me taht he really needs and wants help, wants better life, wants me keeps saying sorry, that he wants us to work, but he needs to get his head straigh its messed up with drugs, needs space needs time need s cash. ive been told he has a girlfriend and is living with her, he lies to me an dher, he denies it, seems true as i ahve been hearing from him all times of day, but havent seen him, he says its he needs get his head straight. i gave him £1500 this week to go away or a while the plan was go for the week and i would join him help him get straight. since he go the cash he hasnt phoned, sent a tex to say he was down and plans werent going as thought, he was upset and messed up, ive tried phoning and texting, he now has turned phone off. in total i have gave him £6000. all because i truley have feelings for him, and want to believe he feels same but has a problem that he needs help with. now his phone off i cant get a hold of him, have a m8 number texted that and his brothers dont know if he he getting the messages, im so upset cant oncentrate at work im so upset. cant eat cant sleep just need truthful answers from him, dont know if he will ever talk again? cant go through another eight months, ive only ever had bad relationships, im so vunerable, and lonley wanted this to work, wanted him, what do you think? what happening? is he a liar, cheat and a thief? using me as he knows i care? if he someome in trouble? what do i do?
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at work, debt, drugs, has a girlfriend, liar, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonny +, writes (21 October 2008):
I have just read your letter & am going through a similar thing with a guy I know! - He knows I love him but only contacted me when he wanted some cash! - I only lent him £100 but he hasn't been in touch since & isn't answering the phone!!
- I feel such a fool & very hurt - but I won't be doing it again for sure & hopefully you won't either!!
A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 He does not Love you.And almost surely,I can say that he is using other people for the same purpose(money)at the same time.Thats probably how he lives. So,grit ur teeth, and Go on with your life.Thats the best You can do.
If he Really loves you,Than he will come to you with at least some sum of money(ou of shame) and will not even think of asking you again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you it very hard as im still so stupid i want see him hear from him as i stupidly still care unable to stop yet, know i have too guess its because im lonley too. and i thought we connected guess he just knew what to do and say. what should i do next? any ideas on pay back? what can i do to move on? forget? the cash isnt a huge problem tho it alot its that i fell for him and how stupid can i be, even more now im missing him and heartbroken
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontan you to everyone so far for replys yes it hurts alot but its what i need the truth
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your honesty.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Hello.
I am really sorry for the problems that you are facing, it seems that you have fallen for one of the oldest cons around, he know how you feel about him, he has a girlfriend, and knows that you are there to bail him out with money every time he gets broke, you are far too trusting, you are thinking with your heart instead of your head.
this type of person finds a weakness in some one, and then uses it to extort large amounts of cash from their victims, and that is what you are,(i am sorry i do not mean to hurt you or make you feel any worse than you already do)this i am afraid is the truth of the matter, because you are a VICTIM you have a couple of choices, you can report this to the police as an criminal offense, or you could go to the police and report him as a missing person.
He is more than likely know by the police because you will not be the first person he has conned, do not give him anymore money, the next thing you now he will ask for the deeds of your house and sell it from under you, this is the pattern of these con artist they are not happy until they have taken every last penny from you, then they line up there next victims, he is in all honesty using up to about 6 other people at the same time, his function in live is to connect with the victim and connect in some way, this is in the form of romantic commitment, he does not love or care for you he is just after the cash, 6k is a great deal of money to be conned out of, i would go to the police its the only thing you can do,you will not get your money back but at least you will feel a lot better in the end because you have stop this person robbing other people out of there hard earned cash.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Hello there
Your situation sounds awful, and i know that you will not like what you hear next. This man does not love you.. If he loved you, he wouldn't be wasting your money on Anything, and wouldn't run away every time you give him money. He might well be in serious trouble, and might well need help, but are you really going to help him, at expense of yourself. You are no good to someone if you are emotionally torn up, and financially strained. Drug addicts very often need serious help / rehab. Unless you are qualified in a position like this, you need to turn your back. This man is lying. He doesn't want to change, and you giving him money every time is really not helping him. You are feeding his habbit. Try to move on. Try to look forward, and if that is what it takes, concentrate fully on your work. You need to forget about him. If he phones you, tell him that you love him, and that you will be there for him emotionally but that you will not give him any more money. If he loves you enough - he will stay with you, regardless if you give him money or not. Trust me - if you won't give him money - he will find it somewhere else.
You are the most important person in your life, and you need to start looking after You. He sure as hell aint.
Please, i'm beggin you, Love yourself enough to walk away from this. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. At most - this was a very expensive lesson. Please take something from it, so that all the money is not entirely wasted.
I wish you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I don't know if he's in trouble or not, but you certainly are, and you need to 'get your head straight' too!
I would suggest that to him you're nothing less than his magic money tree who he comes to when he gets a bit short of cash, and he's playing you like a fiddle, knowing he can get away with it!
I think you can say cheerio to your cash if he really is a drug addict. You were an absolute fool to keep handing cash over to him, no matter who was chasing him for money or how you felt about him.
He's used you. He's taken you for a sucker.
What do you do? I suppose that depends on whether the cash was in the form of loans or gifts. If it was as gifts, you haven't a hope of seeing any of it back unless he's an honest man who wants to repay you. And I doubt he is. If loans, write and ask for the money back. Maybe seek legal advice if you don't get it.
Whatever you do, NO MORE CASH!
Phil
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