A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for men to use prostitutes? Does paying for it make it any different?Basically i found out my bf had slept with a couple of prostitutes in the past before i met him. He says there is nothing wrong with it nd its just like meeting a girl out on a nite out, having to buy her drinks and having a one nite stand.Well basically I just feel so gutted about it. But to make matters worse about 2 months ago he left his computer on and i could see that he had been searching for local prostitutes. I confronted him about it and he said there was nothing in it, he always looks at porn and this is just another thing to look at but a bit more exciting as there were real available people. It has never even bothered me that he looks at porn on the net but I feel betryed in a way now as he knew i was upset about the prostitute thing so couldnt understand why he woukd have to search up these women for a thrill.I just dont know if to beleive him or not to be honest. Is he just looking ...or does he want to use again.He works away alot also and we had a row one time as he said he was staying in certain hotel in dubai, which was a notorious hotspot for prostitutes. All the reviews said the place was swarming with them, it was basically a place where single men go. He said he only wanted to stay there as all the other lads travelling back were staying there and that I should just trust him.Am I being paranoid, or do you think there is any cause for concern?
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female
reader, starrylucia  +, writes (21 July 2011):
I hope you have left this guy by now. The guy I dated told me he used a couple of prostitutes when he was single.
I asked him when was the last time he used one, he said a month before he met me, for a business deal. Apparently, it is very common when dealing with Asian business partners to provide sexual services as a gift in a business deal. He said there was nothing wrong that he and his business partners slept with those erotic massage whores because he was single... And I asked him "will you sleep again with them?" he said "no, of course not because I am with you (then)."
At that moment, I realized I can't be with this man... he saw nothing immoral about prostitution and the only reason he won't use them is when he is attached. No wonder he was single from 24-29 years old...
If you haven't, leave this man, you deserve someone better! The fact that you wrote in this forum shows that you care but a man who sees nothing wrong with prostitution and using those women are just pretty dense. The first few months without him will be painful... just make sure you have you loved ones and close friends around you. You will get through it!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): wether this guy is the nicest or not im not sure. searching for working girls an staying where they are known to be could mean he has used them during relationship but its debatable an not definitive, there are people who get off on the fantasy of being with someone they know personally an cant have it may be the fantasy of what if he could approach one of those girls or what it would feel like, he may just know the sites from times he used before, its all pretty much hear say based on peoples moral prejudices being talked about here, their own discomfort with people doing something they personally wouldnt an therefore judging it without any real authority. it basically comes down to can you trust him or not but definetly talk about it an let him know you dont feel ok with him looking at other women locally an that while the fantasy of porn is ok that isnt, although this may just increase the taboo and the thrill for him.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 No, if it was, there would be more hookers and they would be better off financially.
The trick is that paid sex is fairly expensive, look up the rates yourself online and remember that you want girl that isn't doing it for drugs money unless Amy Winehouse is your dream date.
And apart from the price for which you can have a very nice night out, you can in most countries get arrested for it all. Everyone enjoys a criminal record, so helpful for finding a job.
But it really doesn't matter if it is normal or not. What matters is how you feel about it. If it was normal for men to beat women would you date a wife-beater because it was normal?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Do you see this man as a potential husband with strong values and morals. A man you can trust and know he is loyal?
Just by reading your story, I can tell that you have some very serious concerns. What is the point of continuing in a relationship when you are not comfortable with the persons past, his values/morals and who you can't really seem to trust?
You're over 30, time to see the red flags and move on. There are much better men out there with truly respectful characters. Yours sounds like a dirty man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): You deserve more than a porn using, masturbating, John. Go find a gentleman... your life will be much happier.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): You're not being over paranoid at all, you have every right to. I think you should get rid of him. I know people may have different opinions on men paying for prostitutes, some think it's not so bad. But in my opinion, a nice 'genuine' guy does NOT sleep with prostitutes, especially when they refer it as 'meeting a girl on a nite out, having to buy her drinks and having a one nite stand.' That itself, is not a nice, genuine 'long term' relationship material kind of guy.
If I knew my boyfriend even went as far as searching for a prostitute, that would be it for me, let alone actually sleeping with one. I find it disgusting, and extremely desperate. Definitely not the kind of guy I'd like to be with. I'd be more worried about catching any STD'S other than anything.
I think you'll be better off without that guy. Doesn't seem like you could trust him at all to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): No, you are not being paranoid. Paying for sex is a mental line that once crossed can't be uncrossed. Once you know that stunning looking women will have sex with you for the price of a nice dinner then that knowledge is always in your head and it will come back to you at times of weakness and opportunity. I would say that the probability of him having spent some time with a hooker on his Dubai trip is well over 90%.
I'm not specially familiar with prostitution in the UK only here in Asia where it is deeply embedded in the culture. The sex for pay business covers a huge spectrum from the truly evil exploitation of traffic'd women, to the rather sordid world of drug addicted streetwalkers and past their best "massage therapists", through good looking well balanced girls who do it as the best way to earn a lot of cash in a relatively short period of time to high level professionals who command incomes equivalent to senior lawyers and accountants for providing a high level service.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): I think you should get rid of him! If he has a beautiful person like you he shouldnt even really need to be looking at porn! It does seem pretty odd about the dubai hotel thing... I would move on you deserve someone who wants YOU no one else and who is going to look after you
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Ok, so he wants sex without any spiritual or emotional attachments and is willing to pay complete strangers for it. That speaks to his values. And in a hotel known for prostitutes, he won't have to lift a finger to meet them. They'll approach him, sometimes aggressively.
People often point out that prostitution has been around a very long time. But so have war, drug abuse, exploitation, crime, etc. The fact that society will never be fully rid of these things is no reason to normalize or accept them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): I agree... move on! You have to worry about STDs and his psychic issues. If sex doesn't satisfy him you will have a troubled future.You don't lack nice men out there.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 December 2010):
You picked one here, I'm sad to say. Do you have cause for concern? Plenty.
He's used prostitutes. This, to an extent, I can forgive. But I can't forgive the way he talked about them just being a one night stand. Paying for sex is pretty low, but then likening it to a one night stand is worse. It just sounds desperate to me.
Next, you found that he had been searching up local prostitutes in your area. His excuse about finding porn is a bad excuse.
Worst of all, if he has used prostitutes, there is a high chance that he might have caught something, so you might want to get checked.
This guy sounds pretty grubby to me. I think maybe you should move on from him.
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