A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know why I am the way I am.. and whether it's normal or not.I'm in my mid 20's and I have a degree in communications. The qualification is renowned for being a particularly difficult course with a high dropout rate. I topped my class, won several awards and graduated with honors.This showed me that I'm skilled and talented and will never again let anyone make me feel inadequate, which I always did while growing up.I live in a small city where there isn't much to do. I have no kids, no mortgage and no real ties. My boyfriend lives here too and he's also not tied down.. we could move anywhere together.Problem is, I don't know what's wrong with me. Anyone else in my situation would want to hit the big city, where all the career opportunities are. The money's better; the career prospects are greater and it's a faster paced life - something everyone in my age group strives for. I'm one of the only people my age who still lives here that hasn't got kids! Yet I absolutely LOVE where I live.. I LOVE the lifestyle here. I'm so attached to the slow-paced lifestyle here and the outdoor activities, whenever I start looking for ideal jobs in bigger centres I freeze up.I've had job offers many times, but always find an excuse to stay here. I would be happier staying here and taking a job that wasn't an ideal fit, just so I could continue to enjoy the fun lifestyle we have here. But I'm YOUNG.. I'm SUPPOSED to be going where the WORK is.. and where the good money is! All I keep thinking about is saving to buy a little house with my boyfriend.. getting the little dog.. working away at some communications stuff part-time on the side outside my day job (if I cannot find suitable communications work here).This place is my home and the thought of leaving my home makes me feel like a fish out of water! Don't get me wrong.. I holiday it up with the best of them. I LOVE vacationing in the big city where there's so much more to do. When I think of LIVING there though, I think subways; traffic jams; homeless people; pollution; crowds etc... I feel like I want to run the other way!My question is.. is there anyone else out there like me? Is it just that my hometown is my comfort zone? Do I need to force myself out? Am I just trapping myself in FEAR maybe? Or am I just not THAT kind of big city person and it's ok that I value lifestyle more than a career? I definitely have the talent to do well in the industry, but the thought of giving up all the things I love here makes me so sad.Don't they say you should just do what makes you happy in life? Then again, they say you have to take risks too?Any advice from 20 somethings is appreciated.Thanks
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Well I am 23 and have left my family home after university to go to a fairly big city here in the UK to pursue my career, as there are no jobs where my parents are from. And it has been the right choice for me - the whole reason I went to uni was so that I could get a good job in the future, if I had wanted to stay back in a small town then I wouldnt have bothered with uni and just started working at 18 so I could progress with my career that way, working my way up from the bottom.
Now I LOVE the countryside, I love the town where my parents live and most of my friends still live back there. I am not at all a city person, it is fun to visit but would hate to live in one! Hence how I have found the perfect compromise - I live in a lovely rural village outside of the city, but close enough to still commute daily on the train which is actually quite nice because I can read my book and get to work fairly relaxed without having to deal with the traffic. And it means I come home to a lovely rural setting where I feel at home and at peace.
I do miss my home town, and if there were more job opportunities up there then I would definitely move back - I miss my family and friends. But they are only about 2 hours away from where I am now, which isnt really too far to go if I want to visit.
But the most important thing to me has been to get a good job and be successful - I want to feel like I have achieved something in my life before I end up having children which naturally distracts your attention away from other things. I want to be able to tell my children how successful and clever mummy was, to be a good role model for them rather than letting them think that women should just stay at home or get jobs in the local shops.
So what you feel is totally normal, and it is ok if you dont want to move to a big city. It all depends on what you want from your life, and what is more important to you? Do you want a great job and succesful career? Or do you want to keep the lifestyle instead?
There is always a way to have both - of course there are compromises but I think I have managed to get pretty close to having both the great job in marketing, and a great home life too. I have lots of friends down here, a lovely boyfriend, long country walks etc and then monday to friday I have the career with lots of potential for growth and bigger things in the future. I have had to give up being so close to my parents and old friends from home - but I still visit them frequently so compared to fulfilling my dream of having a great career, then it is a small sacrifice that I am happy to make.
No-one can judge you for doing what makes you happy, as long as you are 100% happy with your choice and do not feel like you are missing out on anything then thats all that matters. But if you do want a better job and would like a career - then is there any way you could move maybe closer to a city but live on the outskirts in a more rural area that suits you better? You dont actually mention any other people aside from your boyfriend in this post and you say he would move too, so maybe this is something to consider?
It is possible to have both the lifestyle you want and a good career, but it just takes time to figure out the logistics of it all. So really it is up to you, and dont worry, you are not alone in feeling this way - not every 20 something wants to be out partying every night in a big city, there are plenty of us that like a more relaxed way of living!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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