A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some perspectives (esp. from guys) on whether guys viewing porn with their guy buddies is a normal thing or not! My bf is open about the fact he occasionally looks at porn sites, and I know he has downloaded videos in the past. He once told me that he gave his porn collection to his ex-housemate (male) when we got together....which was a bit weird to me, like, the thought of one guy saying to another-I wanked over this, here, you try! So anyway, I didn't think much of it, but his ex-housemate has arranged a boys' night in with my bf next week, which is going to consist of porn films and beer! I don't get it...why would one guy want to watch porn with another guy??? Is this a normal guy thing? To me, watching porn is sexual stimulation, so why would you do that with your friend sitting alongside you?? Btw, they are into heterosexual porn, and are both heterosexual, and both have longterm gfs. I'm not too bothered about him watching porn, it's just that I don't quite get how two guys can be comfortable watching a porn film together!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): "I am - and perhaps I am simply ancient - astounded that you say "viewing porn" is simply sexual stimulation. The porn industry is populated with victims of abuse, rape, sex-trafficking and drug addiction (I am not saying all, but I would think the majority). The creation of porn is NOT a victim-less crime - someone always pays a heavy price emotionally and/or physically. Please think of that the next time you view - these are real people with real feelings and real souls."
Absolutely!!!
If men had ANY sense and realized how deep and seeded the porn industry is, they might possibly not continue to contribute to the high traffic volume and maybe, just maybe there would not be such a high demand or considered such a money maker anymore. Instead they continue to think with their penis's.
What kind of women puts themselves in the porn industry? Someone with a pretty unfortunate past, a sexually abused childhood, rape, drug addiction, etc. Somebody's daughter who was kidnapped and forced to have sex and then discarded...only to be on the streets and to survive, picked up again to do porn movies.... It's all about quick money and for a man to jerk off...and we have all these young, beautiful women who have had their childhood taken from them, damaged goods as adults and who fed it all? The people who make them and the guys who continue to keep the porn industry going strong by watching. I realize it's too big to stop, but each year the bar keeps getting raised higher and higher so people can make a quick easy buck and how they are getting women and what they are making women do is getting out of hand....
just caught a Dr. Phil show about a 17 year old girl who met up with friends and before she realized what was happening she was drugged and taken to a hotel, the guys who kidnapped her put an ad on Craiglist and she was forced to have sex with how many men because they threatened to kill her family...and the girl from age 3-12 (I think) was forced to have sex with her father and his friends, filmed for child porn.....they are damaged beyond belief.... but this is the last thing men are thinking about when they are watching for their "viewing pleasure". The ignorance behind such statements as women have to get over it, there is nothing wrong with porn, men are going to watch porn no matter what (loser addicts with no life).....What is wrong with this picture?
I hope to God when you boys all grow up, you have a daughter of your own...that she does not go astray, that she does not get abused or raped and end up in a situation like these and you find HER in one of those porns you so love to get off on....it will surely mean something different to you then.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Cerberus - normally I wouldn't respond directly, but since you assert I should be ignored ...
This question has really churned up a lively debate and no wonder ... it's a thorny issue. What really surprises me is the lack of comment about my remarks relating to the victims of porn. Rather than focusing on the condemnation of those who view it, we should be thinking of those who, for whatever reason, are compelled to participate. There is sound evidence (scientific, documentary, medical (physical and psychological) and, yes, anecdotal) to support my opinion that porn is absolutely not a victim-less crime. To view it is to support it and perpetuate misery for thousands (including child victims of this vile trade). And, no, before you leap to condemn me once again, Cerberus, I am not saying everyone who views porn also views child porn!
As for women not forming packs ... well, we tend not to - unless, of course, you would include trips to the toilet en masse on nights out? I believe I mentioned not being a "man-hater" ... I absolutely stand by that. I am simply capable of acknowledging the differences - good and bad - between the sexes.
So, one and all, male and female, Cerberus you are included too ... please engage your brain before viewing and try to think about the people involved.
Lastly, Cerberus, I think you and I would probably never agree. However, I would NEVER condemn you or tell anyone to ignore your opinion - you have every right to yours, just as I have every right to mine.
I wish you good health, happiness and enlightenment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): I was wondering the same thing this one night....we were at a party and a guy friend of mine and I were chatting it up....he mentioned that years ago he used to own an adult video store and somewhere in that conversation he said something about all the guys being over and watching porn. At the time, I didn't think at the time, but after I thought about what he said....I was having this visual of a bunch of 30 something year old guys, whom are all straight sitting around drinking beer, and watching porn, all jerking off? Just didn't sit right with me...I mean, all we hear about is how much guys love porn and use it to jerk off....it never occured to me they would be doing that together...I am not saying they did, I just didn't know what other reason they would put it on....I always wanted to ask him about it, but it was too long until I saw him again, and asking now would just be wierd lol.
Hey, to each his own I guess...I suppose they all puff their chests, wish they could get a girl, brag about what they have done based on what they see, which they probably haven't, are all cool and say, I would hit that, I'm gonna find me a girl to do that to me, etc., etc., etc.....kinda sad when you think about it....men can be so pathetic....too bad they can't find something more productive to do with their free time....luckily, eventually they do grow up and have more refined grown up parties that include stimulating conversation, couples/friends/family, good food and nobody is watching porn....well, at least most of them lol.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 From what I have seen then YES, men are pretty comfortable watching porn or even watching another couple have sex.
Just like girls/women can go to the bathroom in "flocks".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is not normal. I have never arranged an evening for me and a buddy to watch porn together. The only common viewing I have ever seen is in the background whilst playing poker, but even then, we would prefer to have sports center on.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I've watched porn with my mom. Not planned. We were switching through channels, and came across it. We paused. We debated the boobs and if they were real or not. We looked to see what would happen next, if there was going to be something interesting. It was "soft" porn though, so no penetration, and the penis was blurred out. So we were bored with it and changed the channel.
Not quite like an evening of planned porn watching with friends...
I did however watch porn with a couple of girl friends before heading out on town. It was "anal school" or something, where they showed how to have good and proper anal sex using toys and what-not, and also penetration. We weren't aroused by it, but very entertained. We made comments, and we learned a lot. It was good fun actually.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Thanks Cerberus but ,just in case, you are barking up the wrong tree : I don't think that men are just walking penises ready to get erect at the first hint of sex or nudity,and incapable of self control . ( Even if I have got the feeling that males are more promptly reactive to sensory stimulations than females, but it's not like I have done any scientific research about it ) After all, I am from one of those countries full of topless beaches and wearers of microscopical bikinis ; I'll tell you more, in the good ol' days when I was among those practically naked bathers,, I have spent quite some lazy afternoons at the beach... playing fiercely competitive card tournaments with friends, of both genders, and the only thing the guys would get really excited about, was the chance to win the free drinks or pizzas which were the prize of the game.
Or, at the hospital. Doctors and surgeons have to see see vaginas and breasts and asses all the time, if they were aroused they'd have to change job by sheer exhaustion.
But, the context , or in fact, the subtext is different, precisely because sex start in the mind , not in the body. I thought the psychological implications might be different. At the beach the subtext is : sea and sun, at the hospital is : health,- at porn night I thought it had to be : arousal.
You say this is not often the case , male anon says it often is... I guess there's a wide spectrum of possibilities , a male universe that will always necessarily remain rather hazy and confusing to women.
Like, as anon male says, the male bonding ritual, and the exploration of own, and the others', masculinity etc. Yeah, intellectually I grasp it, but in practice as a woman, I could not do, or have done, the same with my girlfriends, not even at gun point.... and I am not even a shy one !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): I do like male anons answer actually. That is a possibility but one which I don't think is that common.
I doubt you'll find many heterosexual men that get together to watch porn and jerk off together but I would never discount that as a possibility. College hazing etc very often has things like that and it's not uncommon to hear of guys in teamsports and the army do things like that. It's not as socially unacceptable as male anon might believe.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Haha, there's no code Cindy, porn are just movies at the end of the day, they're there to entertain.
Believe it or not watching porn with others isn't really sexually stimulating, any time I've done it I didn't get an erection. It's not an intimate environment.
Do you get physically sexually aroused when being kissed and touched by your partner? Does that happen when seeing others doing the same thing in public? Well believe it or not we guys don't get an erection every time we see a naked woman, people having sex nor watching porn. It is just as possible for us guys to watch sex without being aroused as it is for women.
Mood and atmosphere are key to this kind of thing, there is nothing sexy about having a few beers with male friends and watching a movie porn or regular. Just as there is nothing sexy about watching a movie with your parents when suddenly a very steamy sex scene comes on. Just holding my girlfriends hand can make me aroused but I hold a female friends hand and nothing happens.
As far as porn being intended to sexually excite, well horror movies are intended to frighten but a lot are downright hilarious and not scary at all. Clothes pegs are primarily for hanging clothes on a washing line but they are very useful for sealing packets of crisps or you can place them on your nipples for some pleasure/pain fun too.
Believe it or not Cindy, us guys are not merely walking penises that become erect at even the first hint of sex. We can watch sex without any arousal at all. We can walk down a beach filled with topless women and in skimpy bikinis and feel nothing at all. I'm so used to seeing my girlfriend naked now that when she's walking around naked after a shower I rarely get an erection but she only has to give me that 'I'm in the mood, come get me' look and it will be erect in a matter of seconds (something she gets great pleasure in abusing publicly hehe). It is possible to see sex as an act without physiological effects or even mental arousal, just as it is possible to see naked people and not equate nudity to sex.
Tell anyone you want, the more women that understand we guys aren't just horndogs looking for sex 24/7 that can see women as more than just sex objects, that can actually control our urges and can actually view sex, sexual acts and talk about those things without being aroused, the better you will understand us and the less we will feel compelled to apologise for being normal, thoughtful people who are more intelligent and in control than women give us credit for.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 March 2012):
Oh good that you are on this thread Cerberus, maybe I can convince you to break boys code and spill the beans ?...What does happen , in practice, at porn " movies night " ? I've always been vaguely curious...
I'll explain . I only had one partner who was into porn, - which wasn't a problem for me because he was a very moderate porn consumer ,not an addicted, and I always got the feeling that he liked the real thing much better . The only thing that sort of amazed me was that he'd watch porn with his roommates, he said like you, it's more fun, you swap crass jokes at the performances etc.
Yes, but...( I guess I was too shy to ask HIM at the time, so I ask you , now ) isn't porn supposed to excite you sexually ? To give you hard ons, just to be precise ?...I mean, naked women, viewing of sexual women and sexual acts... for what I know, it can take MUCH less than that to give a guy a rock-hard erection, some times a VOICE is enough !
So, what do you do with your erections... do you politely and discreetly nurse them for a couple of hours, like people at parties with their glass of wine when they don't want to drink too much ? Do you relieve yourself all together,publically ? Does each one of the guys excuse himself at some point and retires to the privacy of his bedroom ?...
I have always sort of wandered. Your comparison with the male strippers show is not the same thing, at least IMO, because yes I have seen male strippers, - in fact, I have even seen a couple of sex live shows in foreign countries,- and yes, it was sort of fun, a good laugh, and who knows, I don't quite remember but it's possible it put me in a good mood for later on , when I was alone with my partner... but no, I am sure ( I don't know how to put it delicately ) it did not bring any visible , tangible exciment signs in my genitalia, and neither the immediate need to fulfill sexual urges. So, I guess it's not the very same thing.
If you want to shed light on the dynamics of blue-movie night , Cerberus, thanks... and I won't tell anybody :)!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): The same reasons that women grab a few bottles of wine and sit down and watch romance movies together. You get to be entertained and discuss it with people.
Ignore stepfordwife and foot in mouth sexist bullshit. I guess women don't ever form packs or do anything morally questionable, ever. Of course porn is not a victimless crime, it's not a crime at all. They may not hate men but they certainly have a very shitty, patronizing opinion of us. Ever seen what happens when a group of women go see a male stripper? Or ever been to a hen party? Seems women too are capable of extreme hedonism, just seems that women can't get criticized for anything these days and white straight men are the only ones in society that are allowed to be regularly victimized and patronized for the things we do.
OP porn can be entertaining. Especially the very cheesy story line type of porn. It's hilarious, the acting is ridiculous and the fake orgasms can be hilarious too. The facial expressions of the actors, the sleazy guy with the pony tail, the fake blond with awkwardly fake boobs badly pretending she's sexy. That can all be very funny.
OP it's just a form of male bonding, not one I would do but some guys enjoy that kind of thing. No matter how much you women try to change us, discussing sex and women will always be a very important part of male bonding just as talking about romance and men will always be integral to women bonding. Guys watching a porn that is not meant as humour will be judging the guys technique, criticizing his performance, discussing their own experiences of that position, discussing things that work with women sexually and a whole host of sex related topics etc. Just as a group of women watching a romance movie will discuss past/current boyfriends, times they were romanced, sex and a whole host of other things that the movie reminds them of. It's harmless really.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): "I don't quite get how two guys can be comfortable watching a porn film together!"
Just throwing this out as an alternate theory: Viewing porn is just a smokescreen for guys to get together, get naked, check each other out, horse around, and mutually masturbate (strictly hand-to-dick contact).
Perfectly natural for guys to be curious about other guys, every guy has a dick and every one is unique, almost every guy masturbates and every guy has his own technique, most guys engage in this kind of horseplay in early adolescence, unfortunately in adulthood this type of male intimacy carries the "gay" stigma even though it's not sexual per se, it's just guys being guys in a way guys can understand and girls don't.
Nobody will ever come out and admit it, but in this setting guys are looking at how the others get themselves off, as the saying goes only another guy can understand how/where a guy likes to be touched. Guys masturbating in groups is male bonding at its most basic: shared, private, intimate, fun, and best of all 100% safe with absolutely no risks (other than premature blindness, green hair on palms, spinal cords collapsing in telescopic fashion, and incurable insanity).
Every guy should have a JO bud, another guy with whom to share the most intimate guy secrets. It's a natural, healthy outlet and I will go out on a limb and say if this type of male intimacy was socially acceptable, there'd be a lot more healthy, functional, loving, intimate male-female relationships and much less disrepectful behavior towards women.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I agree entirely with Stepford Wife. There are very few things men are not capable of whilst in a 'pack'. I know a lot of men who watch porn together. To me, it is an epitome of misogyny but you might choose to differ. And as Stepford Wife said, it's not a victim-less crime.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): You would be amazed at what men are comfortable doing/viewing together. They have an astounding ability to plummet to the lowest common denominator when in a pack ... It conveniently frees them from individual responsibility so they feel able to behave like animals. BTW I am not a man-hater or a lesbian ... honestly! I am simply speaking from years of experience of observing and living with men.I am - and perhaps I am simply ancient - astounded that you say "viewing porn" is simply sexual stimulation. The porn industry is populated with victims of abuse, rape, sex-trafficking and drug addiction (I am not saying all, but I would think the majority). The creation of porn is NOT a victim-less crime - someone always pays a heavy price emotionally and/or physically. Please think of that the next time you view - these are real people with real feelings and real souls.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 From my experience at uni, there are times when a group of guys sit around the laptop and view porn. But there is difference between how a guy acts when watching porn alone to when watching in a group.As you already know, when a guy watches it on his own it is for sexual stimulation and to 'get one off'. But when in a group, guys watch porn for entertainment purposes. When I have been involved in these 'group viewings', us guys become porn critiques. Instead of finding it sexually arousing, we criticise how the girl looks, how she performs and basically the video in itself.I'm sure this sounds weird to you girls, and I can wholly understand why. There are plenty of guys who would find this very uncomfortable and share the same feelings as you (in all honesty, I was terribly comfortable watching porn with a group of mates). I don't think there is anything to worry about from your point of view. It will just be a misogynistic night which includes sexually objectifying women and criticising the technique of every part of the video.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 Lmao. This isnt normal because its planned and they r isolated together. Id watch it in high school at parties with a group mixed but just viewing. I would talk to him n see what his intentions are. Maybe offer a compromise n watch it with just u n him.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (29 March 2012):
There are a couple of situations I have watched porn with my buddies in the past. When I was single, young and went out clubbing all of the time, buddies and I would get together to drink beforehand. In hindsight getting drunk before going out to bars and dance clubs isn't a good idea, but that's what we did. Anyway, to get ourselves worked up to hit on women, we'd watch porn. Then later on when I saw a cute girl shaking it on the dance floor, it wasn't difficult to find the courage to introduce myself.The other scenario is for a bachelor party. Friends and I have watched porn while drinking and playing cards or whatever, and later in the evening the "entertainment" (aka a stripper) would arrive.What you're describing, sort of a guys movie night but instead of watching a manly movie like Saving Private Ryan they're watching a porno such as Shaving Ryan's Privates... that does seem a little off to me. Especially if it is just the two of them. That's not to say there's anything wrong with it, or that they both won't enjoy it in a strictly heterosexual way. I personally wouldn't be interested in a night like that, though, even with a very good friend I've know a long time.Best of luck!
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