A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bestfriend is a girl Cassidy, and my other friend Martha said you've been helpful on her friend problems so I'd be grateful if you can help me.Cass is 16 and I'm 17. We've been having problems because I don't put a lot of effort in and i dont show i care about our friendship coz I don't know how. She has tried to help me by suggesting things but it's like I still dont know how and it irritates mr and I know it frustrates her more. She really is there for me all the time and I mistreat that(??) if that makes sense. I read something similar on here from a girl in the uk but mines slightly different because she's given me until saturday to sort us out and I've known about this for a few weeks. I don't like the deadline and neither does she but I get where she's coming from where she'd rather be treated like a best friend than the cold way I treat her in front of people (I don't know why I do; I cried at the thought of losing her and she knows but I say and don't come through on it.)Basically today we were sitting on an empty staircase and Cass blatantly looked at me and said "I love you like a brother and I don't want our friendship to just die" -- I dropped my phone down the stairs when she said "I love you like a brother" because it's the kindof thing that surprises a person caught off guard. She then said "when you can say that about me to me and mean it (I love you like a sister) you'll know what to do to fix this but I understand if she can't say it". I tried to say it because I think I want to as a way to show I really do care but I couldn't seem to form the words an I know she wouldn't want me to if I didn't mean it, but I really think I do I just can't seem to say it. What do I do? I think she said that if I manage to say it it'll make me realise if/how much I value the friendship then I'll realise how to show I care and put effort in and save our best friendship that I'd hate to lose. She has been trying for quite a while and I've just been an ass and not followed it up I'm not expecting pity because I don't deserve it but I'd like some advice on the whole thing. Please??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Oringinal person here:
I'm just not the type to show many emotions past calm and pissed off and and she deals with all my crap - my past, my anger issues, my attitude, my sailors language (if that's what the saying is), she's the one who dries my tears and cleans my wounds (literally and metaphorically) - gross with my blood that she deals with if I do something stupid, but I love her for it - she's more like that than my mum and whilst that could be seen as weird I'd be dead without her, once again literally and metaphorically).
I don't know why I'm like that I guess it's a family trait but I don't want that to upset her enough to give up. The deadline was there for me to START to try and repair it, not to have completed fixing it. I do completely get that because without that I probably wouldn't have realised how serious it was and I'd have continued thinking she would stick around any way :-/
A
male
reader, aresu  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 o, this is really not as hard as it seems, is just as simple as doing things you both enjoy while also enjoying each other company, you know, enjoy to hang out together. if you want to try to compensate her, then take the inniciative, invite her somewhere, do something for her, i dont know just try to show that you care, is not hard, it can be something as simple and easy like spend an afternoon together showing that you care to be with her.
and if you want to say that you love her as a sister, then just say it, if you say that you really mean it then just say it, and if you say that you cant then take your time to figure out how you are going to say it, if you really are as close as you say you are, then it shouldnt be as hard, when we are with best friends we normally dont need to be planning our every move when we are with them, we just act relaxed and natural, but also trying to be a good friend, relaxing with them is not the same as just ignore them and forget about them and just enjoy yourself, is considering things to enjoy them together, or just being able to talk about silly things and dont mind if they are pointless, becase if you both enjoy them, is ok, is not something forced.
you say that you have a deadline? that i think is a bit much, the time to form a strenghten the bond with someone is not something that is fast, or that should be forced upon you with a time limit. instead tell your friend that you are willing to put more effort in the friendship, and ask her to give you another chance, but you must really invest yourself if you accept to try to improve your friendship.
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A
male
reader, Cole Turner  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 chill :)
You need to address some personal issues that you seem to have:
- do you feel the need to act differently in front of people than you do with her privately? ... if so ask yourself why you feel the need to try and fit in??
A friendship like you have is hard to find and should be treasured. In terms of your deadline, just be yourself and show her that you really do value her friendship. Maybe surprise her with a small gift or something as a token of your commitment to her! Make sure you don't try hard though or you will end up pushing her away! Good Luck :)
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