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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Dear cupid...Me and my boyfriend has got a few problems that we can't seem to overcome. This makes us both very frustrated. He obviously think that we not having enough sex. I don't always have that urge to have sex for some reason I don't even know. I just don't feel in the mood. Then he is asking me why. I can't explain that to him cause I don't understand it myself. Then when he sees that he's not going to get any sex he is getting upset and sower. He can't seem to control himself when he knows that he's not going to cum. Almost every time we end up having an argument and this is what upsets me. So I have few questions: How often is it normal for a 19 year old girl to have sex, how can I explain that I'm not in the mood for sex to my boyfriend with out him asking me all these questions and getting upset and is it normal for a guy age 27 to get upset when he doesn't get sex.Thanx
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Wow that's ridiculous. If it was once a week I'd understand, but 4 times a week is a perfectly good amount. He needs to understand that you are a person, not a fleshlight. Tell him if he wants to have sex more, he should stop treating you like a sex toy and start working on getting better at seducing! Getting angry and throwing tantrums about not having enough sex certainly isn't very arousing and I bet it doesn't make you want to have more sex, probably the opposite. If he doesn't stop acting like a 5 year old who can't have his cookie then you should, as the poster below says, trade up for a better model.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Thanks for getting back to us. He's upset because you're not having it more than 2-4 times per week, and he's demanding it every other day or else he'll "not get upset"?
Wow. You're not his "sex receptacle". I'm with the other guy on here who says to trade up. This guy really needs a hobby. :|
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 From what I see, what I can honestly recommend is to kick the man ...somewhere..., to reduce his sex drive so that it matches yours.
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female
reader, MBHP  +, writes (26 May 2010):
This is exactly whats happening to me 19 and my boyfriend 28. he doesnt seem to get as upset as yours but he mentioned that we hadn't has sex for two weeks at one point, but it was more like we hadnt had sex in 5 days, cause im away at university and we could only see eachother for 5 days in the space of two weeks, i think its HIS problem but i'm prepared to just have sex a little bit more to compromise. I usually think things like *i hope he doesnt want to tonight.. im tried, or i hope he doesnt want to this morning cause ive not had a shower yet* etc but i find that if i just think... come on he wants to, he finds you sexy, then by the time it actually gets to the sex i'm quite into it, more than i thought i would be anyway. But i do think i have an average to low sex drive compared to the older men ive been with.id say try things like suggesting you masterbate in front of eachother more often, maybe this will satisfy him to an extent... watch porn, play games, just try more things for a bit of variety so its not like *here we go again*. so you're doing sexual things but not neceassarily having sex every time. this might turn you on a little bit more too so its less of a chore. just tell him you dont want to have sex with him if you're not into it cause thats just like lying to him and the sex will suffer for it because you'll be making less effort because you're not wholly into it. but when you WANT to, the sex will be hotter because of it.You might also want to (gently) hint that being upset and grumpy is not an attractive or sexy look on a man... his childish moods are not going to make you want to have sex more, but less!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question cnith to answer your question. We are having about 2 - 4 times a week sex. He said that he want is at least every second day then he'll not get upset :/ We are together since last year May and we are having sex since December last year. For these 5 months the most time without sex was I think not more then 10 days.
There is another thing I forgot to add... Sometimes I'm not so wet and that upsets him as well. I drink more water and stuff but it doesn't always seem to help.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 May 2010):
No it's not normal to get upset. Sex needs to be consensual. If he gets angry that you aren't always in the mood, he doesn't really understand women very well. Also, it's not your obligation as a woman to always please him. As for what you can do, are you enjoying sex? Are you satisfied? If you're not, then no wonder you wouldn't want sex as much as him! I find that the more good sex you have, the more you want it. So next time you do have sex, make sure to add in your own hands or something to make sure it's great for you. I also find that even when I'm not in the mood, if I start the foreplay process I get there. If he's whining about only having sex a few times a week then he's being a jerk. If he's whining about having sex only once a month or once every other week then you should find ways to up your libido.
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male
reader, damo4eva +, writes (26 May 2010):
It's only normal if the guy is a wimp, if the guy is a tough nut, it clearly isn't normal
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (25 May 2010):
It's normal for a 27 year old immature and self-centered jerk, but not a 27 year old who's worth being in a healthy loving relationship. Your choice! I'd vote that you trade up.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (25 May 2010):
Not having sex is not a nice thing to happen, but then I would expect a 27-year old man who loved you to understand he won't always get it.
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female
reader, ChristineAvril +, writes (25 May 2010):
 At 27, he should have learned a little about women and what to do to stimulate them, and not simply think of his own pleasure and satisfaction.
Train him, or exchange him!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 May 2010):
How much sex are you having now, if I can ask??
There is no "normal" and there is no amount of sex you *should* have. If you're only having sex once every 3 weeks or so and he's upset, that might make sense. But if you're already having it 5 times per week, he seriously needs to cool it.
And he needs to cool it anyways. It's not cool to EVER pressure someone to have sex either through coercion or pouting. Is the relationship about each other, or is it about the sex? Don't be made to feel like you're not normal just because you don't want to have sex. After people are married, often sex is a compromise because many times one person has a higher desire for sex than the other person. You do not have to explain or have an "excuse" for not wanting to have sex at that moment, and he's 27, meaning he isn't some hormonal teenager who can hardly contain himself.
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Is it normal for 19 yr old girl to have sex? Depends on the girl. How often? Depends on the girl.
Is it normal for a 27 yr old guy to get upset over not having sex? Sure. About as normal as it is for 19 yr old girl who's not getting sex when she wants it.
The difference is how he handles it. Seems to me your guy is immature. But if he's wanting sex once a week let's say and you're saying no, so he ends up doing it once a month, then I'd be upset too if I were him.
If he's wanting it every day and you're not, that's not so reasonable for him to be so upset. He needs a different outlet. Could be a porn or a magazine and a trip to the bathroom without his gf getting all p.o.'d about it. That's reasonable, imo.
I'm guessing you're not in the mood because he's not meeting some need of yours. Why should he get X when you're not getting Y? Pay attention to why you're no longer turned on. Assuming you were, at once, more turned on.
If it's ALWAYS been this way, than it just means he has a higher drive than you do. That's normal. And that happens.
It's possible his behaviour after the not getting sex part is what's pissing you off and less likely to want to have sex with him.
Talk to him calmly when he's not pressuring you. Tell him you aren't in the mood because... and this is the hard part, figure out WHY you're not. Are you tired? is he pissing you off somewhere else? Is he not doing something?
There IS a reason. But you have to invest in yourself and find out why.
It may be as simple as you tried to please him before in the past but you're really one of those girls (typical) who want it like once a week or less. I hear that a lot, so that's why I'm saying it. I can't relate to that at all, that seems so strange to me. Why only once a week? but whatever...
If the sex drives are different, there's not much you can do about it except, as I said, bathroom trip and free ride to a mag or a porn or whatever. It's not fair to make him come down to your level of sex (ie. deny him it) just because he's a guy. It's not fair for him to raise you up to his level (ie. demand more sex) just because you're a girl. Right?
The key is compromise and conversation. Talk to him and find a happy medium somewhere. Maybe he gets more hand jobs or blows if you can't deal with the mag or the porn. Maybe he does longer foreplay to get you in the mood. I don't know, but something... Why you're denying yourself orgasms is beyond me...
Unless of course, he's not giving them to you and THAT'S why you're not having sex. If that's the case, get him a girl 101 pamphlet to your body. Ie. tell him what to do and how to do it so that you DO get orgasms. If he won't, then dump that loser. Plenty more out there more than willing to please you as much as you please them. And in some cases, they want to please you even more than you please them, but that's kind of rare. ;)
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female
reader, Zanie +, writes (25 May 2010):
 There are alot of things to consider:
Initially, in a relationship...you have to consider each other's sexual appetites. The honest truth is they are rarely going to match up. You may want it when he doesnt and vice versa, and you'll be grateful for the times you both want it...and it will be that much better.
It seems your boyfriend's appetite is much more than yours. A compromise has to be met. Maybe you may be willing to do it a little more to make him happy? Maybe he needs to lose a time or two. In the end, there needs to be communication between you two. The fact that he is getting so upset, shows his immaturity. There shouldn't be an argument over something, if you mean more to each other.
Granted, if he never gets it, he will feel like you dont want him. Sex is about more than just relief, but also about intimacy and attraction and self esteem. You feel wanted, and close and desirable in sex. A guy has an ego to stroke to.
I feel as though, there needs to be some even ground. You need to tell him, and you both need to come to some agreement about the frequency of sex.
As for the normal level of sex for a 19 yr old. I would think that you should be pretty active. Is there medical reason behind it? Are there emotional reasons? Do you feel safe with him? Is he the right one? There are alot of questions you should be asking yourself.
As for the behavior of a 27 yr old guy? Well, guys like sex. Their hunters, and maters. So yeah it is normal for him to possibly want sex from you. He likes you, he find you attractive. However, it is immature to throw a tantrum because he can't get it and overall, if he truly cares about you...he cares more for your happiness rather than just his emissions.
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (25 May 2010):
it might be normal for the first time it happens, but if you are in a relationship with this guy then you should be able to communicate how you feel (just by telling him what you have written to us) and he should be able to see that he was wrong to get upset.He needs to be reminded that he should think of your feelings, not his. You should also reassure him that it isn't that you don't fancy him, it is simply that you don't feel in the mood to be sexual. Tell him there is nothing wrong with him, it is just the way you are feeling.If your boyfriend does care about you, once you have explained this, he should no longer get upset when you don't want to have sex. If he does still get upset, it could be that he cares more about having sex than he does about you.Hope you guys can manage to resolve your problems together.
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