A
female
age
30-35,
*orroliz
writes:A few months ago met a man who seems to be very attracted to me.. And I'm considering dating him. The problem is that I have trouble believing that he is really interested in me. He is a partner in an oil trading company, rich, good-looking, and young. He seems like a really nice guy, and has a sense of humour. He travels all the time, and always offers to take me with him. I'm ten years younger than him, and I'm a bartender earning minimum wage. Why is he so persistent?Anyway, I have just been through a nightmare relationship, and almost a year later, I am tempted to be with another man again. I'm worried that part of this temptation is his ability to fuel my dreams of travel. Ever since I knew that the rest of the world existed, I've wanted to see it and have done a pretty good job of it myself. This man has homes all over the world and travels around the middle east and asia three our of four weeks a month. Is it morally wrong that part of my attraction to him is the lifestyle he can provide me with? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): jerry seinfeld married an 'ordinary NY girl' matt damon married a bartender (& r happily married no divorce no controversy yes I know the cynics would say 'yet')- it can work!!!! BUT if it doesn't work, would u do it just for the fun of the lifestyle & the possibility of it working out. ie understand what u r getting into & decide what u r comfortable with. good luck from a poor untravelled man!
A
female
reader, MissUnique  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 I wouldn't exactly say it's wrong for the reason. I mean, people are attracted for all reasons, you're attracted for his wealth. To date him just for that reason, it's kinda harsh on him don't you think? I mean, I'm not saying you have to love him but you have to have..some. Sort of feelings for him. Not his wallet. You have to fancy or like the guy. And how much do you know about him? Get to know him more, maybe you'll find you like him.But ask yourself something. Would you still consider if he was a poor man? Just think about it. And if the answer is no, then leave it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): All I can say as having married for money only at the age of 21 and then getting divorced at 45 it wasn't so great. I was given a good payoff but the money was still his at the end of the day I just enjoyed his lifestyle for a while. I am now with a very poor man in comparison but he is good looking and he loves me which is all new to me. With my ex husband I was just the pretty dolly on his arm and remember with rich good looking men they can have anyone and they do when they are on trips so be aware and see and accept the relationship for what it may be.
It may well be pure love and you will be together forever and I hope it is for you but be careful and remember there is always someone younger and prettier coming up behind you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Are you able just date him without having sex for awhile?
Don't think about you being poor and him being rich, it's realy doesn't matter that much these days. Just be aware of men with money, they always know they can get anyone. Especially if he is young, good looking. Not a very good combination for a woman. As for you wanting to travel, nothing wrong with that. There is always a certain exchange in any relationship, it doesn't mean you selling yourself to have some monetary value instead.
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A
female
reader, wayblonde6  +, writes (19 November 2008):
I would just get to know him first and see if his motives are reallyy true!! If he is handsome than haveing sex with him shouldn't be difficult I would deff give it a tryu don't quit your job yet wait a while
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Now for the male point of view!
Firstly, I'd make sure he was serious about it. You don't want to give up your job only to find he was only joking.
Secondly, you may be looking for a loving relationship with lots of travel, but he may just be looking for a good-looking young travelling companion on his arm with sex on tap and not much else, and I'm quite sure you regard yourself more highly than that.
However, you don't have much to lose except your job, and possibly your self-respect if the above is true, and a lot to gain but I'd recommend you get to know him better before embarking on any life-changing decisions. He may be the greatest thing that ever happened to you, you never know, but take it one step at a time and make sure it's you he's after and not just your body.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 November 2008):
 It is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is with a poor man. I say go for it and see what develops.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I dont think that it's wrong of you to indulge in what he has... it's normal to think "uw he has this and maybe if we were together I would also". Plus you've been in a bad relationship so I think it's time that you got some fun out of a fun loving relationship.I think that the vital thing to remember is that you want fun, so maybe not getting into a really serious relationship is the way forward for now, but spending some time together would be great.
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A
female
reader, SadieB +, writes (19 November 2008):
No, it's not morally wrong at this early stage. We are attracted to people for all sorts of reasons - why is this any different to being attracted to someone for their looks? It would be wrong, however, if you were in a long term relationship with him and this was the only attraction he held. Money and lifestyle can so easily be taken away, remember. If you date him, you may find that you really like him on many other levels. I think you are reading too much into it at such an early stage. Just enjoy his company and go with the flow. You haven't started dating him yet so you cannot know if your feelings for him will become stronger - possibly even growing into love. You ask why he is attracted to you - citing your earnings and your position as reasons he shouldn't like you. Don't you think that it could be that he senses a kind, loving person, with a sense of adventure and who would make a great companion on his travels? Such things are hard to come by - your flexibility is probably very appealing to him. It must be very hard for him to form meaningful relationships in a job where he is expected to travel so much. It sounds like your past relationship has left you with alot of self doubt about how special you are and what you have to offer people. It's time to get yourself back on track and develop your confidence again. You could start by taking the bull by the horns, agreeing to a date with this man, and just enjoying his company. Just relax and try not to view this as something too serious, too soon. Best of luck X
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