A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is not love question, but friendship. I have a new friend that I know now for 8 months. We met at Italian class, and started friendship right away. We have very different personalities. She is very outgoing, very hyper, talkative. I am on the other hand quiet, won't talk to strangers that much, unless I am aproached.Every time we go out, she basically drops me from the very beginning and start talking to other people, completely ignoring me. I can't very easily start conversation with complete strangers, and end up sitting by myself. She literally just walks away.There were couple times when she had a little too much to drink, and to my big surprise she just walks to the guy that she likes and behaves completely inapropriate with him. I could see that sometimes guys get annoyed with her.Yesterday my patience came to the end. We went to this wine tasting event, small neighbourhood place. I drove this time. The minute we walk into the store she takes off leaving me standing by myself. She talks to everyone around her. The she is trying to bring me into conversation, seeing that I am really getting annoyed this time. She also has a manner to take over converstaion, she is very loud, I have a quiet little voice, and have no chance to be heard over her.So, I told her that I would really like to go home. She said ;No, I am having a good time, let's stay" I told her that I can drive her to her car and than she can do whatever she wants. On a way home, she told me that I always needs a lot of attention, that she is not there to babysit me, and That's why we go out to talk to other people, if we wanted to talk to each other we could just stay home, on a backyard.That i am unapproachable I asked her why she just doesn't go out by herself if she chooses to completely ignore a person she actually coes out with.My question is Am I overreacting? I am from Europe. she is American. The way i was brought up that there is no way woman should approach strange men first, but wait until they show interest. Woman mustn't be loud and aggresive. She is making me uncomfortable by acting like that. Also, the fact that she leaves me completely by myself, knowing how I am when it comes talking to unfamiliar people. Is This kind of behaviour normal for this country, may be I don't understand the cultural difference. When I go out with fried from my country, we always stay together, we don't bother men around us when we have couple of drinks, we of-course talk to them when they approach us, but moderately, paying atention to each other. For me it's as simple as that. I would appreciate the feedback.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for feedback, hope to hear more. I don't know if I am ready to completely end this friendship. I don't feel like calling her anymore, but if she calls, I don't know how I would react just yet. She's been a good friend. When I was without car for couple weeks, she would take me to doctors and shopping, she's been really helpfull when I needed her. It's just that her manners could be better. I never experienced anyone like that before. It feels like I am dealing with man in female body. She drinks like one, approaches opposite sex like one, assertive, not very feminine in my opinion.
May be I should just change activities with her. Instead of bar scene just do lunch, dinner, or shopping, that doesn't involve alcogol.
Amazes me how she talks to waiters all the time, constantly asking them all kind of questions. She basically gets into conversation with everyone she interacts. Thank you again.
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (19 November 2008):
 She is rude, insensitive, and sounds like everything is about her. Please don't think all American's are like that. A lot are, but a lot aren't.
She is not a friend so let her go out by herself if you are not having a good time. You are not over-reacting. She is RUDE! Next time you go out, just quietly leave and if she calls you, don't take her calls. Let her wonder why you vanished! She doesn't deserve any explanation because she wouldn't believe it anyhow. She gives American's a bad reputation, my apologies!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I had a friend very similar. She caused me lots of embarrassing moments. I am happy to say we discontinued the friendship. I personally can't see the value of such a friendship. However, you need to decide for yourself, but I suggest you talk to her about her behaviour when she is sober.
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