A
female
age
41-50,
*rokenheartgirl81
writes:So this is a long-ish story. I'll try to keep it a summation of events, rather than full-tilt detail.--He asked me for two days of space. He was treating me like crap, being a jerk, I finally said okay. But I had to find somewhere to be when he got home from work. I wasn't allowed at the house, so he could have space. My house. My stuff, my apartment. My friends. I came back home after having a hard conversation with him, just so I could go to the neighbors house and hang out until he went to bed. I find out that he was being a jack-ass, and that he was walking around telling everyone he was a bachelor, acting proud and happy.--I broke up with him that night.--Later that night I reconsidered, and said well how about time apart. I'll move to MI, work on my stuff. You work on your stuff here.--We took a week of me wanting to leave and excited to get away from him, then I move. He cries, I barely cry until I get into the car. He tells me to stay, asks me if we're doing the right thing.--Now he tells me last night he STILL doesn't know if he wants to be with me. He's putting me through an emotional wringer of outrageousness. He says he loves me, that he misses me. Yet when I tell him I need to either be WITH him working on our stuff TOGETHER, or I can't ever talk to him again. Yet that's not what he wants. He wants me, but he likes being alone.We've been together 2 years. We were supposed to get married on June 6. That fell apart.I love him more than anything, and I just want to be with him cause I know in the deepest part of my heart that we can. Why won't he just be with me if he loves me so much? Why is it so hard to choose between a woman that loves him utterly and uncnditionally and being an alone little nitwit???? PLEASE someone explain this to me.OH, and I have to wait a whole day until he talks to his counselor to find out if he wants this or not. It's such bullshit. I hate him for doing this to me!!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Ok, just to be the "devil's advocate" here. WHY is HE the only one making MAJOR decision in YOUR life? Why do you let him? Because you love him?
If he has all these doubts then it usually means you aren't "The one" for him. At least not now. He seems a tad selfish and immature. He wants to take a break ( be single) but have you wait around for him as well. That just ain't right! - Or the guy have some serious commitment issues. Is this about you two getting married you think? Or is it about him not really wanting a relationship? I think it's pretty significant that he was PROUD to be single on your little break up. He wasn't heart broken, he wasn't missing you. You didn't mean a darn thing to him, til you said ok, then it's over.
You need to figure out what you want. Do you want this yo-yo relationship or do you want to start over ( with someone else). He is not going to change overnight, if at all. Loving him unconditionally is not going to make him realize that he is about to loose the best thing he will ever have in his life.
I would honestly sit down with him and tell him he needs to figure it out. Give him whatever time YOU find reasonable. You might actually have to give him an ultimatum. I'm not a big fan of those but there are times when those have to come out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): i am in the same situation, but what you have to realize is that things happen everyday that are just unexplainable. maybe he is scared of commitment or maybe he just doesnt want to be tied down. either way; you need to do whats best for you because stressing out and going back and forth with this emotional battle will get you nowhere and he still has the power; and trust me, he knows that! give him his space and if he really wants it then he will find you.
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