A
female
age
30-35,
*hmngbrd7
writes:Is it bad to always put everyone elses feelings ahead of yours? I have a problem. I think? Its not all sexual but im just going to give an example. Im pretty un happy with my life so I always try to make my boyfriends better even when I know he already has pretty much a very good life. And anways example I hate giving head but im on my period so we cant exactly have sex, and so far we do tht alot so I turn to going down on him because I know he likes it alot. I really hate it but I want to do everything in my power to make him happy. Because I feel as if im not good enough and sometimes I do alot for him when I guess I do it cuz thats what I want done to me I mean all the nice stuff ofcourse and idk. Sigghhh can someone please just give me some advice.
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female
reader, khmngbrd7 +, writes (2 December 2010):
khmngbrd7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Okay, so alot of you asked sexually,and un sexually what does he do for me? Welllll, we normally have sex usually and thts it but I do believe its because I give him the impression that thats what I like most. But because its that time of the month that is why I keep giving him head, and I feel like even if I do hate it I want my boyfriend satisfied. And ya know he did say last night because I did it again after wards because he knew that I was pretty turned on he said dont worry I will make sure you are fully pleasured in 5 days "when I get off" and I did say u dont have to but he insisted so thats pretty good. Relationship wise.. Well we are only seventeen so he does the best he can he got a job and always says I cant wait forr my first pay check and I said why and he said because I cant wait too take you on a date of courseee!!! So I dont think his intentions are bad hes trying I think its just all in a matter of time ya know?? And idk I guess im so scared of losing him because ive lost everyone else that are really important in my life that I do everything I can to come off as perfect so he wont leave me just like my family, dad, best friend, ect. All has done. :-((
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (2 December 2010):
 1.Yes it is bad. Very bad to keep putting others and their feelings ahead of your own.
2.Stop doing things that you don't want to do or that you hate doing. Don't make it your mission in life to please everyone else. Trust me, you will be more miserable than you can imagine.
3. Your sexual relationship with your guy shouldn't be about just pleasing him. It should also please you. I know there is compromise in a relationship, but what does he do for you?
4. It's okay to put other people before yourself. Sometime. Definitely not all of the time. You have to take care of yourself and your own happiness before you should take care of someone else's. Otherwise you will grow resentful of that other person and get burned out really quickly.
5. Do you ever get your nice stuff in return for the things that you do for him? Does he do things for you without having to be asked? Don't please him all of the time just to make him happy.
6. This is a relationship. Not a dictatorship. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel and that you need to take some YOU for yourself every once in a while.
I hope this helps you. As a former people pleaser, it's not what its cut out to be and once you discover that you don't have to please the world (or your boyfriend) all of the time, life gets a little easier.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Of course it's bad always putting other people's feelings before yours, what do you think ? It's a consequence of low self esteem, and an indication you don't value yourself. And while apparently it can seem this is a nice, selfless attitude, in fact it is quite unhealty.
For being able of loving and caring about other people ,first you must be able to love and care about yourself. This is nost just Pop Psychology 101. It's the foundation of any relationship based upon honesty and mutual respect, not upon neediness.
I give you something , or do something for you, because I want to and choose to, not because I am afraid that if I am not " nice " with you then you won't be " nice " with me and will not give me what I need to feel loved and fulfilled.
Of course, it's not a matter of black and white. There is room for negotiation, adjustment and compromise. No need
of being inflexible. Two people can always talk and work out something that more or less works for both, particularly in sexual matters.
But ALWAYS sacrificing your true wants and needs on the altar of "keeping him happy " is wrong, and ultimately a self-defeating strategy, because it breeds hidden insatisfaction, resentment and even hostility that sooner or later will spill over other areas of the relationship, maybe under other pretexts.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Sex should never be about doing something you hate to make the other one happy. It should be about making you both happy. What does he do for you? How does he make you happy after you have finished giving him head?
About everything else...it is generally the same. What does he do to make YOU happy in this near-joyless life of yours? Of course, in an ideal world, everyone would put others first instead of themselves but it only works if EVERYONE does that. It is quite noble of you to maintain such an attitude as this but what about you? There is no reason why you cannot think of yourself from time to time. It is not at all selfish.
No it is not bad for you to put everyone else's feelings ahead of your own but sometimes you have to wonder, especially in a committed relationship, what are YOU getting from this? A relationship is mutual happiness, if your boyfriend does not seem to devote time or effort just to see you smile, you have to wonder whether or not it is worth thinking of his happiness at all.
I apologize if I come across as overly-presumptuous, I just got the impression your boyfriend was a little selfish from the way you described your sexual act. The fact that you had to type this question also says a lot about this relationship. It is just the impression I got.
Do not be unhappy. Smile. I hope your life brightens though, colour always streaks across the sky after a dark storm. Just as it will with your life.
I hope that helps.
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