A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it that bad to leave my girlfriend for another woman? I've been with my current girlfriend for about 1 year, cohabitating for about 5 months. I had already been unsure as to whether I wanted to commit to her. A couple of months ago I came back in contact with my college sweetheart. We'd always had very strong feelings for each other, but we never had a formal relationship; one of us was always in a relationship except for one short period right before I moved across the country. Now she's single and still feels the same way about me. There is no question that I like her better, and that's not just the little head talking. I don't plan to cheat. I plan to break things off with my girlfriend before getting involved with anything else. So am I really that much of a scumbag? It's not like I'm married or anything, and I feel that if I didn't go after what I really wanted I be settling, and always regret it. How do I break it off with my girlfriend? What do I tell her? I'm all for honesty, but telling her that I'm leaving her for another woman would be a huge blow to her self esteem, and while I don't see myself marrying her, I do care about her feelings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): hey im a girl... i dont think its wrong for u to break up wit ths girl for ur sweetheart frm collage. if u rly know wat u want and its this other girl just tell her "i care about u and all but i just dont feel the same way as i used to i wood still like to be friends if you like and i dnt mean to hurt you but i just dont like you in that way anymore im sorry" i hope this helped a little bit im not going to say my age cuz im not old enugh to know anything about love sooo yeah i hope every thing works out good luck
A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 I'm kinda agreeing with Liza here, I think you should tell her the truth bout your feelings, but not that you plan to start things off with this new/old girlfriend as soon as possible, infact, i think maybe you dont have to menton that you've had anything to do with your ex.
The truth always hurts, and hearing that you dont feel the way you should, or as strongly as you have for another in the past, so therefore dont feel its fair on you nor her to continue the relationship, could send her on a self beat up session, so if you truely care for her, answer all her questions, coz some women, (me included,) immediately assume its something they've done, and she may throw a series of daft questions at you, just answer them, as tactfully as you can, and hopefully, it'll end on a good footing and not with you seeking help for a rolling pin injury.
But please, whatever you do, dont tell her your ending it coz its unfair on her, this may be true, but when your hurting the last thing you wanna hear is, its for your own good.
You've not done anything wrong, and your not planning to while your still in this situation, for that i admire you, and you've restored some faith in me, that there are some good ones out there with morals and ethics. I truely hope that you find happiness, and I wish you lots of luck....please update this someday, and let us know how things turn out.
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A
female
reader, jhpcoal +, writes (9 June 2010):
I'm in a similar situation.. having thoughts about an ex. Only thing is I've been in this relationship for 8 years. I completely 100% understand where you're coming from. If you know she's not the one you want to be with, I think you should break up so you don't lead her on. Too bad I can't take my own advice for fear of the unknown but I imagine it might be coming. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I cast my vote on telling your current girlfriend the truth...your truth!If it was reversed wouldn't you want her to give you the benefit of the doubt? If you dont tell her than she may think it was something she did or didnt do or worse what can i do now to make it better why isnt it working and then she will be coming on cupid wondering what the hell happened. Yes she will be so mad so hurt but I choose to feel that way to heal quicker than to be beating myself up wondering what was wrong with me! Chances are your gf probably already has the feeling you are withdrawn from her!And yes don't ever settle, goodluck!Ps it will also show the girl you want t be with what kind of guy you are that you have the guts and courage to say your truth and take whatever will be thrown at you! :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 June 2010):
No, not a scumbag. You have said that you'll break it off first so she isn't so hurt, and that's so much better than just cheating. If you're not going to commit to her, then the best thing you can do is leave so she can find someone else. Just tell her that you've decided that the relationship isn't working out, and that you've decided to move on. Don't tell her at all about this other woman, and take it slow with this other woman as well.
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