A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If someone is 11 should they date? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (3 September 2012):
What do you mean? If an 11 year-old little girl or boy has a special some-one of the opposite sex in their life but it’s all very sweet and innocent, fine! Their parents should of course keep an eye on them and intervene if necessary. Obviously they have to be roughly the same age and anything that would constitute contact of a sexual nature would be totally inappropriate. If it’s an 11 year-old with an older teenager or an adult, that may be at best inappropriate and at worst a situation of serious abuse. When judging the situation, use common sense. At 11, children may just be starting to display an interest in the opposite sex (in most cases, of course), so a parent of a child this age may well meet the first boyfriend or girlfriend, but so long as children are indeed acting like children it’s okay.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 September 2012):
 At 11, I had my first "boyfriend". It is my fondest memory ever, because we had a very sweet little relationship. We went miniature golfing with his parents, we went on the 4th of July to see fireworks with my parents, we went to a school dance (which is the only time he ever kissed me on the cheek - and then proceeded to run away and scurry up a tree. I didn't see him for the rest of the night), I think we went for ice cream once or twice. I went over to his house a couple of times - we played board games. It was completely innocent - we did no more than hug and talk on the phone. It lasted for 6 months. We're still friends today.
I do remember that when I came home and told my Mom I had a boyfriend, she was very cool about it to my face, we had some fun girl talk and she didn't make me feel bad - but she did call up his Mom and they talked about it together and gave us the okay to "go out".
I guess it all depends on the child you've raised and the kid that she's interested in. An 11 year old should not be having an adult relationship.
Now you've got me all wrapped up in old memories. I still have a little picture of us holding hands on a grassy hill on that 4th of July. Awwwww.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 September 2012):
"Honeypie" explained it well.
I suspect that an 11 year old (either boy or girl) who expresses an interest in "dating" is trying to "play grown-up" by imitating behavior that has been incorrectly modeled by older people (I hesitate to give them the description "adult"). The modeling may come in the form of our entertainment culture; or perhaps by people in the 11-year old's life who have grown older without really growing up.
It could even be a misguided parent trying to re-live a childhood (or lack of childhood) by pushing an 11 year old into activities or situations that the child doesn't have the mental discernment or emotional maturity to deal with. Or - and I think this is the worst of all - a parent is encouraging this kind of activity just because it supposedly looks "cute".
When my two older kids (a son and a daughter) were in that age range they hung out with a group of around a dozen neighborhood kids. Although the group was coed, the majority were guys - and my daughter had a slight inclination toward being a tomboy. They played street hockey or capture-the-flag; coerced parents into taking them to the pool or a movie; occasionally did school projects together. They certainly knew that girls were different from boys but that didn't keep them from having fun together as a group, without any hint of pairing off as couples. As far as I know, through High School none of them ever had boyfriend/girlfriend or true "dating" relationships with anybody else within that group.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Define date.
If you mean one-on-one outings in a romantic aspect (as in girlfriend/boyfriend) I would say yes, 11 is WAY to young. For me personally (I'm a mother of 3 daughters) there will be no dating til at least 16.
They need to stay kids at 11. I know they are preteens and want to do "grown up stuff" but it wouldn't fly in my house. All that relationship stuff needs to wait, there really is no hurry. And honestly I don't think most 11 year olds would be mature enough for this. However, with all that said, my 10 year old has a male friend. (Not BF) they are just buds. I don't see anything wrong in them hanging out, going to the movies or what not. I just think the romance/relationship stuff can wait.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 September 2012):
 define date
are they dating other eleven year olds?
what does a date involve.....
I can't imagine an 11 yr old boy wanting to date but I can imagine an 11 yr old girl... and I think it's way too young.
personally i think no dating before 15 1/2!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): That's a very subjective question. It depends on what you mean by "date". Kids go on play dates etc. all the time.
Plus kids version of dates in the romantic sense is a lot different to ours.
Too little info really in your question.
But I will say this, I have had "girlfriends" since I was 6 years old. Girlfriends at that age were simply the ones I clung to a lot and always wanted to play with and gave toys etc.
At age 11 I was going to the cinema with girls, kissing, holding hands and going for ice cream and stuff.
Should they? That all depends on your beliefs. I see no issue with it as long as their parents have raised them well and they're happy kids then why not?
Dating is part of life and learning how to interact well with the opposite sex in romantic terms is a good thing, although when it comes to 11 year olds I use the term romance loosely as they don't have the same concept of it as we do.
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A
female
reader, w8stland +, writes (3 September 2012):
No, 11 is too young to date. When I was 11, I didn't even know what dating meant. Kids are starting younger and younger these days and it's pretty sad.
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