A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone, I'm in a bit of a bind. I've written before to you aunties and uncles in regards to someone in my life who was giving me mixed signals and wasn't really into me. I was sort of in denial because he was saying one thing and his actions said the opposite. This person is still in my life, but we are not as interactive as we once were. We never slept together but we were very close friends in that I would actively look after him...cook for him, pick up his mom and take her places...his mom and I still hang out every week and she's a lovely woman who believes that I am with her son but due to his financial and school circumstances...that I am just waiting for everything to calm down. I am not her son's girlfriend and he has made it abundantly clear he just wants to be friends...while he occasionally flirts with the idea of me giving him a blow job.In my frustration, I joined a "no strings attached" website where I hooked up with a gentleman younger than I am. I am 7 years older than he is. We initially hooked up for no strings fun but somehow that just went strange and we've been spending some serious time together. He takes me for dinner, lunch...we have even shared breakfast and walking around malls and things of that nature. He texts, messages me and calls me every single day at least 4 times a day just to hear my voice. Basically he does everything that the guy that I am in love with isn't doing. From the first hint of him liking me more than a casual hook up, I was very honest with him, telling him about the guy that I was in love with and why I had gone onto the website. I made it clear that my intention was not to hurt him and that I didn't want us getting so wrapped up in each other that in teh event that the guy changed his mind about me...it would me him getting hurt. His words to me were that he thinks that I am an amazing woman, he is falling in love with me and if he had to wait..then he will wait. If I decide to go with slow guy....then his blessing would be that he shared his life with me for a little while. We have been spending considerable time together and he's spoken to his mom and dad about me. He's visited me in work where I've had no choice but to introduce him to a few colleagues. He was standing there and it would have been rude to not say anything. My crossroads is that ...this guy I KNOW has very real feelings for me. He goes out of his way to make sure I am okay every single day. If he travels for business....he calls as if he isn't away. He is everything that any girl would want as a life companion etc. But I am just not in love with him as I am with the first guy. Will the first guy ever change his mind? I don't know. He has alot of life challenges that are obstacles in him living a young adult's life, and I don't want to be that friend that deserts someone because they can't afford to take you out or spend time with you....that seems a bit superficial and shallow to me. I'm 34 and I would love to be married and have a family and this guy from the internet is offering that. He has an amazing career and is everything ANY woman would want. He's intelligent, caring, comes from a loving good family. But my heart just isn't in it. But at the same time, I don't know if it makes sense me waiting on something that I am not sure is going to change. I am really searching for answers. I know I have to make a choice soon so neither of us gets too attached to each other. If I choose internet guy, I will have to cut all ties with the man that I love and his family. It would be disrespectful if I still spent time with his mom. I would feel like I would be deserting them. if I chose the man I love, I live in an uncertain space where I have no idea if my waiting is best for me and my life's goals. I really don't know what to do.Help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): The guy you love is not into you. You are living in a dream, its time to give your internet friend a chance and yourself a shot at being happy. You cannot continue to pine away for a man that does not love you. Move on and be happy as that opportunity is knocking on your door.
A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (3 September 2012):
Long answer short, you should go with the internet guy.
I'm not saying it WILL LAST FOREVER, but at least you can actually start a relationship and make your own mistakes, experiences and have those feelings when you are actually with someone. If u cut ties with the other guy, you don't lose much.
I know how it is, when you say to someone that you will wait forever. I know what it is like to be on both sides of that story. At the end of the day, I always tell people to make up their own mind based on their own actions. For example, a girl in your position would constantly ask the other guy "so are you going to be with me when you are done with school?". I don't really see the point of making decisions for yourself based on other people's choices.
Your heart wont be with the internet guy until you let go of the other guy. Which is a choice you need to make for yourself. It's important to see that by not making a decision, it is easy to make the excuse that your "heart isn't into" the internet guy. But to me, it is clear who you should go for. Take some time off to clear your head and compose yourself. The decision to make is actually easy.
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