A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is not strictly a relationship question, although it has caused countless arguments with my friends and family, and I'm sure other people must have heard this before...but would you consider it a good thing for a person to take care of their appearance and care about their clothing, make up, hair etc. or is this a sign of vanity and a shallow personality? What do people think, what is an acceptable level, and what would you prefer in a partner? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Nothing wrong with making an effort, but not where it dominates spontaneity. Who wants to be a grot bag...or slouchy couch potato...effort is good and not vanity are you sure some close friends are not a tad jealous of you and are trying to put you down?
I am casual nice jeans /t-shirt and clean on a daily basis and i consider this taking care of my self...I also spend effort dressing very well and groomed but it does not dominate. I can go out with no makeup and funny wellington boots and still feel fine.
Insecurity makes some over do it? so no, not all is vanity.
A thought for you....why do others seem to focus and bring this to your attention a lot?
shallow...could also be a motiveless blob sat doing nothing and not caring about anything.
spunky monkey
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Of course you should take care of yourself. It is not a sign of vanity. It is a sign of good health.
I like in a partner someone who is clean and takes care of their body. Of course.
But I am an adventurous person too, so if someone can't handle going a day without showering cause we are camping or something like that, it might be a turn off.
Is someone giving you a hard time about this? You keep taking good care of yourself, if you like make up and doing your nails, do it. Absolutely harmless and if it is something you enjoy don't feel bad about it. Most women do.
If you don't like make up and nail polish that's ok too. Just as long as you take care of your body, have clean clothes, shower regularly. Stuff like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): I agree with dorothy dix, but just to add to that - I think as long as you can leave the house, say to stop by your local store to pick up some milk quickly, without fixing your hair or wearing any makeup... if you can do that and feel perfectly comfortable, relaxed and not insecure, then you're all good.
Having said that, I personally spend about 3 minutes on makeup before work, just to brighten up my face under the eyes and stuff. Also, every guy I've ever dated has loved that I can be ready to go out in 5 minutes. They find it really refreshing and it's still easy to look good . A lot of men like the natural look.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (12 August 2011):
Hi there. It's quite ok to be a bit fussy with your appearance. We all want to like what we see in the mirror before going out, don't we?
It would only become a problem for you, if it was all you ever thought about, and to the exclusion of virtually all else.
For instance, if you checked yourself out in every shiny surface as you walked past in the street - such as a car's side windows, shop windows, a mirror in a shop etc.
If you were obsessing about how you looked all the time while you're out, and checking your makeup by going to the ladies bathroom to check that you looked ok and nothing was smudged, well then that would seem a bit over the top to a lot of people and it would certainly get in the way of normal conversation.
I say this, because the impression most people would get, is that no-one is more important to you in this world but you. It could give an impression of being shallow and insincere. It could definitely come across this way.
It could prevent new friendships from forming as well as new friendships with guys from ever starting.
Everything in moderation.
It could also be a self esteem issue, that's behind this behaviour. In your mind you might be thinking - "Am I good enough? Am I good looking enough?"
So because of this, you are always checking that everything is alright before you walk out the door.
Keep in mind though, that if could be getting in the way of you living your life fully.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (12 August 2011):
I think it means you care about yourself.
Some people go out of the way with really expensive hairdoes, outlandish clothing and women who have 3 layers of makeup can be repulsive.
Yes, shallow people may take care of themselves too, but that is not what makes them shallow.
You really need to worry about people who DON'T take care of themselves.
Whoever thinks you should not take care of yourself is to some degree insane.
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