A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It has been a month since my girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me and i am wondering how long will it take to get over her and not want to always contact her just to see how she is. I know if i contact her and she is extremely happy it will crush me because i am still miserably by my self. Also another question is why would a girl break up with a guy that they say is their best ever for independence?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Have you tried asking her back, maybe a afternoon out, maybe she made a mistake. I know I did. Same boat.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): You shouldn't question why it happened. She wasn't attracted to you anymore and is probably dating someone else already.
It's best to move on with your life and not contact her, it will only lengthen the process of getting her out of your system.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (12 August 2011):
People do all sorts of wacky, unexplainable stuff in the realm of love, sex and romance. You may never know the reason. The reasons she gave you might be lies. It doesn't matter any more. All that matters is that you are in pain and you want to be over that pain.And its the direction of your ATTENTION that is causing you pain and it is the direction of your ATTENTION that will heal your pain.Nothing sucks up your attention more than something that does not make sense. You don't have all the facts, you don't understand, you cannot accept that things happened the way that they did. You are mad, sad, and desperately trying to figure this out.And if you try to stop thinking about it, it drives you even more crazy.The solution? Simple (and I am stressing the word "simple". I am not going to use the words "easy" or "painless". I am not here to BS you).So, first of all, go ahead and think about it. But when you think about it, think about what actually happened. Think about the real events, good and bad. Don't try to figure them out, just take a look at them, and that's all. Dwell on what you KNOW to be TRUE because you experienced it. Forget about suppositions, suspicions, speculations and all that. Yes, its said too many times, but truth can set you free.Second, maybe you can't reduce the importance of this in your mind, but what you can do is make something that is more important in your mind and in your life. I don't recommend it being another woman. Not yet. That just brings the loss of the last one back to you.Now if you can't think of a passion in your life to replace the passion you lost, then at the very least clean things up:1) If your stress over all this has caused you to leave your home messy, clean it up.2) If you have been drinking, eating poorly, or otherwise not taking care of yourself, fix this now.3) Make sure you are working hard, studying hard, or whatever it is you do and do it to your best abilities.Throw away and/or return everything she gave you (what you return send to her in the mail or have a mutual friend bring to her. Part of this getting over her is NOT to have direct contact with her. Trust me, its not a good idea at all).Spend time with friends and if you want to vent about your pain, do so. But don't make it into hours and hours of conversation. Its one thing to "unload a bit" but don't make that breakup the focus of your conversation.Who knows how long it will take. But to be alive is to pursue happiness. And pursuing your happiness solves many problems, indeed.
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