A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:You know love at first sight? Well I just discovered my fiance doesn't even remember our first meeting. Is it out of line that that makes me feel bad? Clearly I can't have made any kind of impression on him! A common friend introduced us once, we talked for about half an hour then he went abroad for 9 months and we met again and got together when he got back. He's been trying hard for a few days now to remember that first meeting but he still can't. How can I make myself feel better about being so unmemorable to him?Also I'm quite sure that for at least the first few months we were together, he was still trying to get over an ex. That was a couple of years ago now and I think he's over her and loves me - but do you think the early stages of a relationship matter in the long run? I find it weird sometimes, because I look a lot like his ex and I've noticed he compliments me on my appearance when I'm dressed in the same style she wears. I guess I worry that I'm second choice for him... he's said I'm not, but I wonder if it could be subconscious.Sorry for the mismatch of questions! I'd love some insight on any of it though, thanks.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Breaking this down a bit:
1-fiance doesn't even remember our first meeting. Is it out of line that that makes me feel bad? Clearly I can't have made any kind of impression on him!
It is understanding to be dissapointed that he does not recall, but let that one go. There are many successful couples where one or the other had a less that memorable first meet. Sometimes people meet and they strongly dislike the other person. It is not a sign of doom that he did not see stars and rainbows when he met you. Do not cheat yourself out of a wonderful NOW, because he did not fall into the over-romanticized idea of a magical first beginning. It just does not happen the same way for everyone.
He likes you now. He loves you NOW. He CHOSE YOU NOW and asked you, not anyone else, to be his wife. You made a strong impression on him eventually!
2-we talked for about half an hour then he went abroad for 9 months and we met again and got together when he got back. He's been trying hard for a few days now to remember that first meeting but he still can't. How can I make myself feel better about being so unmemorable to him?
He remembered WHO you were. He may not remember details or feel the zingzangzoom on that first meeting. Again, how these things happen come in many different varieties.
3-That was a couple of years ago now and I think he's over her and loves me - but do you think the early stages of a relationship matter in the long run?
No, and even if he remembers some of his past with fondness, remember it is in his past and he chose you for his future. He may have still been healing a little when he met you; obviously he got over it. *Look at your engagment ring for reminder.
4-I've noticed he compliments me on my appearance when I'm dressed in the same style she wears.
It sounds like he has more of a physical "type" that he is attracted to. It does not mean he has residual feelings or is thinking of her. It means you look pretty.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): That would bother me too. Ya it sounds like maybe he had alot of other things on his mind when he met you that he didn't remember the events like you did. I don't think it has anything to do with you though. It is natural when your mind is preoccupied (maybe he was just getting out of a relationship, he was going travelling for 9 months) that you don't notice things other than what's already on your mind. Often for a guy to notice a girl in the "love at first sight" kind of way, it doesn't matter how beautiful and amazing she is, he has to be ready to feel that way. Any guy who is going abroad is probably not going to notice a girl in that kind of light right before he knows he is going to leave for 9 months. It has nothing to do with the girl. It has to do with being realistic. Put yourself in his shoes...
As for the ex, you are the one engaged to him, not her. I would not worry about that too much. It sounds like you are reading into it more than he is.
So relax and enjoy your engagement. Don't pick unnecessary fights with him. Because if this was such a big deal you wouldn't have gotten engaged to him in the first place. So obviously you love him and you are happy with him. So let it go, be happy and soon enough maybe on his own he will remember. But don't harrass him about it anymore. He loves you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Based on what you have told us I wouldn't be worrying overmuch. Most men I know wouldnt be able to remember the finer details of the early days of their relationships either. Is he aware you are feeling unmemorable? Maybe have a light hearted talk with him and ask him what you can do together that would create some GOOD memories.
As for complimenting you when you wear a certain style, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with his ex, it just means thats the look he is attracted to.
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